God is not a god of accidents. Things don’t “just happen.” We don’t meet people by accident. God puts them in our path for a reason, to build us up or to break us down. People come and go, and we learn something from everyone, though maybe not a major life lesson. Some may come into our lives to teach us how to braid our hair; others might show us something we didn’t know about ourselves. Some stay long, others just go. Some lessons are painful, some are painless, all are priceless.
Every journey is one of a kind. We get moments full of happiness, tearful experiences, unmeasurable fights, and moments that cannot be bought or forgotten.
Sometimes the best relationships become toxic. We want people out of our life, only to later want them back. We leave without explanations. We reach out and sometimes our efforts are in vain. We hurt. We cry. We fake it because we think we’re fine. We become devastated and fall but pick ourselves back up.
We go through ups and downs, but those aren’t accidents. We weep and face problems we never thought we would. We make stories and cling onto wishes. We make plans and lay them out thinking we know better than our creator. We make memories no one can take away. They are pieces that slowly begin to make us who we are.
Sometimes we end things and we put ourselves first, but we learn. We are all still learning. We love the wrong people and sometimes we never stop loving them. They leave a mark on us. No matter how much we hurt, one day the pain will help us look back and realize our struggles that changed us.
We have to keep running the race and moving forward, accepting changes in time and people. We have to look forward to the next round of memories. Our pain makes us tough. It shapes us.
Despite everything, we try to be thankful and grateful for every chance and person that came into our lives and the good feelings that will remain in our hearts forever. We let go, even if it is the hardest thing to do.
The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that love is not all about getting what you want and doing what’s best for you. Sometimes it involves letting go of something you love.
Maybe the things that don’t work the way you want them to or the prayers that go unanswered are all God’s way of saving you. Maybe the things you ached for were not really going to give you any peace or pleasure or comfort. Maybe all the things that broke you actually built you up to believe that your heart can sometimes betray you and your plans sometimes fail you and that’s okay.
It’s okay to want something so desperately only to realize it wasn’t good for you. It’s okay to admit that the things you fought for didn’t fight as ruthlessly for you because maybe this is God’s way of teaching you how to trust him, that if you let go, if you trust in his timing, if you don’t try so hard to rush things all the time, they will eventually fall into place.
Maybe the people you get attached to when you know they’re wrong for you are just teaching you the importance of letting go, of detaching from something you desire so much so you can find something better. Maybe they’re teaching you that temptations are not always gratifying, that some temptations look good from afar but leave you feeling empty when you get too close. Maybe your heart moved for the wrong people so you can find your way back to God or back to yourself. Maybe God wants your journey to be about yourself for now not about love and that’s why he wants your heart to belong to you or he’s teaching you how to be patient with your heart until it finds what it truly deserves.
Maybe God’s way of saving you feels like he’s failing you. Maybe God’s way of protecting you feels like he’s putting you in danger and maybe every time you ask for peace, you find yourself going into war but you make it out alive, maybe bruised or tired or drained. Maybe lost or defeated but you make it out alive and that means you’re still meant to be here to continue fighting whatever it is that’s stopping you from growing, whatever it is you’re not willing to let go of and whatever it is that’s keeping you from finding your truth or your calling or your healing.
Maybe things don’t get easier because you’re supposed to learn some lessons the hard way so you can protect yourself from further damage. Maybe some things need to shatter you so you can find the inner strength to end things that cause you pain no matter how much you worked hard for them or wished for them or needed them. Maybe people need to disappoint you or shock you so you can continue finding love and validation inside of yourself. So you can be your own home instead of the home you made for these people inside your heart only for them to leave. Maybe everyone who left was teaching you how to love being on your own so you can stop searching for someone else to complete you.
Maybe everything is working out the way it should be and God’s trying to teach you to stop holding on so tightly to the pretty picture in your head of how things are supposed to be and trust him to paint a marvelous picture instead. Trust him to turn the picture inside your head into a masterpiece.
Sometimes God says no because he knows that the things your heart desires could eventually break you. The people you deeply need could be the ones who will let you down in every possible way. The ones who will change the way you think about people or about love or the ones who will close your heart off and make you question yourself.
Sometimes God says no because he wants to teach you the importance of patience, of learning how to value things that others take for granted or learning how to stand on your own feet so you can take care of others when they fall or take care of yourself when the people you need are no longer around you.
Sometimes God says no because he knows that if he says yes, you won’t grow up with the same wisdom, strength, perseverance and resilience you have today. You won’t be the best version of yourself if you didn’t have things in your life that forced you to face certain fears, heal certain wounds and overcome certain challenges. You won’t be the person who appreciates good people and knows how to stand up to others when they cross the line.
Sometimes God says no because he wants you to delve deeper into faith, into understanding the universe, into believing in him even if you don’t always agree or understand why he does things the way he does. Sometimes he says no because he wants you to probe further into your life, ask hard questions, rethink your decisions or just explore whether the things you’re praying for are good for you or maybe you’re just in love with the illusion of things.
Sometimes God says no because he wants to bless you with far better things than what you’re asking for. Sometimes his no is a big ‘hell yes’ in disguise. Sometimes his no is a ‘wait for it’ wonderful surprise about to unfold. Sometimes his no is more of a ‘not right now’ than a complete no. Sometimes his no is just a delayed yes but what I know for sure is that his unanswered prayers, his NOs are just another way of blessing you whether by removing something that would have been toxic for you or waiting to bless you with something far beyond what you ever imagined.
And sometimes God’s no is his way of saying ‘I love you’ and that’s why I’m protecting you from what you cannot see.
Please don’t let me get attached to what’s not meant for me anymore. Don’t let me get attached to something or someone that you plan on taking away from me.
I know your plan is unknown but until you reveal it to me, please make it easier. Don’t let me hold on to what I need to let go of. Don’t let me fight for what I need to release. Do not let me desire what will eventually destroy me. Do not let me love those who will break my heart.
Because I get attached easily and I hold on to things tightly, so please don’t let my mind want things that I can’t handle, don’t let my mind trick me into wanting things I don’t need or things that are not good for me. Please don’t let my heart miss people who don’t miss me. Don’t let my heart long for the ones who left. Don’t let my heart fall in love with someone who doesn’t want to stay.
Please don’t let me get attached to the things that keep me up at night, to people who leave me wondering and to places I’m not meant to live in. Bring me closer to what’s meant for me, let me hold on to those who are meant to stay.
But let me forget about the things that were never meant to be, give me the faith I need to believe that I’m better off without them. Give me the wisdom I need to realize that I deserve so much better and that I’ll be happier somewhere else with somebody else.
Or just give me tolerance I need right now to be okay with not getting the things I want, with not loving the ones I wanted to love and give me the patience I need to wait for your blessings and wait for your gifts.
But for now, please don’t let me get attached to what’s wrong for me. Don’t let me invest so much in things or people I’m bound to lose. Don’t let me want what’s not mine. Don’t let me build a future around what’s temporary.
I am always worried. I overthink situations in my head, even those that have not happened yet. I look so far ahead of me. Sometimes, I wish I can fast-forward my life to the day when my story is better, and when my world is bigger.
Somehow I am more focused in looking at the things that I don’t have instead of appreciating the things that I have. I compare my journey to someone else’s journey, while neglecting the truth that I have a different route in life to take. I keep thinking that I’m behind. I keep choosing to be blind to notice the blessings You’ve been showering me with. I keep forgetting to let go.
Because the truth is, I allow myself to believe that I have so much control in my life. I can arrive to my destination by myself. I have the power to make a difference using my own decision, my own voice, my own ability.
I have been doing everything on my own. And honestly, I’m tired.
I’m tired of relying solely on my own. I’m tired of constantly proving myself to the world. I’m tired of pretending I never have moments of weakness. I am tired of being the captain of my boat.
And I am here to surrender to You.
I’m offering You my life, my desire, my wishes, and my dreams. I’m letting You take over, day and night. Because God, You know better. You know what’s right for me.
I’m giving You my heart because You are the only one who can take care of it, protect it, and nurture it. You can wrap it with Your love until it stops beating with confusion. And I know that in Your loving fingers, I am assured that my heart will not be broken. It will always be complete. It will always stay calm.
I’m giving up trying to act like I know what I’m doing, and I know where I’m going. It is only You who has a better understanding of my life. And I promise to keep my trust in You. I promise to always make my faith in You stronger, even on the days that I forget to let You steer my direction based on Your purpose.
I will try to stop worrying so much about the things that I can’t control. I will no longer attempt to find answers to all questions. I will never doubt You when I’m in the middle of my struggles. Instead, I will let my life unfold according to Your plans.
I will follow You wherever You want me to go. I will rest my head on Your shoulder when things get rough and remind myself that beside you — I will always be safe. With You, I will always be loved, guided, understood, wanted. In Your presence, nothing can go wrong.
And even if I don’t see You with my own eyes, I can feel You in my soul, in my heart. I know that You’re near me, ready to protect me, forever willing to save me. You’re quick to lend me Your ears when nobody wants to hear me. You’re there to calm me when everything in my life is spinning out of control. You’re there to catch me when I fall.
My life makes so much sense when I stop fighting against the waves, when I let You row my boat, when You stand beside me as I watch the sun swallowed by the dark sky.
I’m at peace every time I give myself the permission to trust the unknown. I fall in love with my life more when I remember Your words, Your promises, Your unfading love.
And I get less scared when I tighten my grip to Your hand, knowing that Someone fights for me, regardless if I’m strong or weak.
It’s hard to believe I know. It’s hard to believe that in the depths of despair, there is a purpose for your pain. It’s so much easier to cave into jaded thoughts. It’s so much easier to conceptualize hopelessness when all your eyes can see is darkness.
Allow me to rectify the gloom. Allow me to lighten your cynical vision with a change of perspective and a spark of optimism. Allow me to restore your faith in something greater than both of us.
There is a purpose to your misery, I promise. There is a greater story unfolding but you just can’t see it. This current struggle is nothing more than a test, a test of faith and resilience. And I know you will overcome it, I know you will look across from the greener side after all of the anguish and rejoice in victory.
If your spirit is broken, that’s okay. It’s not completely dismantled. I know it’s still intact in some capacity and I know it will mend itself and reemerge again. I know your vitality will come back, I can sense its pending return.
If your spirit is broken, trust that your struggles are blessings from God. Trust that your pain is not pointless. Trust that God has a plan for you; trust that he is watching over you even in these dark times. Trust that he wouldn’t test your resilience if he didn’t think you could handle it. Trust that he knows you can overcome whatever curve ball life throws at you. Trust that he has written these struggles into your plot line as hidden blessings. Trust that your struggles are truly blessings as they stand as a testament that you can not only survive despair but come out on the other end of it, simply thriving. Trust that your struggles are truly blessings that serve as a reminder of what hope really looks like – an emerging beacon of light coloring your face with conviction and ceaseless faith.
My heart goes out to the ones that are facing hard times. To the people that are depending on God to fight their battles and bring them out of situations they can’t get out of themselves. Especially the young ones.
When you’re seeking direction or answers from the Lord, it causes you to have faith and patience while you wait. It’s not easy. It’s hard to keep the faith sometimes, especially when the people or things you’re surrounded by are the ones the enemy is using. It’s worse when it’s the people you love, because It’s not easy to just ignore them or walk away.
There are some days when your spirit is lifted. You’ll have clarity on your situation, God’s strength, peace, joy, and love within yourself. Then you have days when you’re frustrated and lost. You’re feeling empty, weak, sad, or angry, and you don’t understand why or what’s going on. It’s as if you’re in a battle with your mind.
You have to be mindful of the fact that there’s an enemy after your soul. An enemy that wants to see you suffer; he doesn’t want you alive so he’s constantly trying to get in your head by filling it with lies and confusion.
Thankfully, God wants you here alive and well. You have a purpose that needs to be fulfilled. That enemy has no power or control over you, he only has as much power as you give him. So don’t give him any! When you feel this battle coming on, remember to put on the helmet of salvation, place on the breastplate of righteousness, buckle up those shoes of peace, hold up your shield of faith, and take up your sword. Remember to pray and ask God for whatever you need. You don’t have to fight this battle alone.
Depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts are all very real. There are people who are suffering from one or all of these and don’t even realize it. That’s why it’s important to surround yourself with positive people and energy so when you’re down you’ll have something or someone to lift you up, but your best solution is to look unto God.
Did you know that you have the power to speak life over yourself? That you’re not alone and you don’t have to suffer? You may be at a really low point, feeling that you’re not able to, but always remember that God is. He can give you the strength you need, all you have to do is ask Him.
I’ve been at the point where I honestly didn’t know what to do but pray and have hope. While I was putting my faith in full effect, God simply told me to just be still. That’s all, Be still. He will fight for you; He will make a way out of no way, just like when Moses and the Israelites were stuck and all that was in front of them was a sea of water. So in faith, they prayed to God and he parted the sea and made a way for them to go through.
Sometimes in our situations there’s no way out or around it. You can’t go back, so your best option is to look unto God. I know it gets hard sometimes but, God will make a way through your impossible situation. Believe and have faith in Him.
I’m feeling anxious again, Father. I know I shouldn’t be. I know there’s no need. I know you want me to have faith in you, and I do, but if I’m being honest, I’m not okay. I don’t know. I guess just the feeling of being stuck here in my current position is getting a bit weary and frustrating.
However, I thank you, God. Thank you for the position that I’m in right now. Thank you for making me sit and wait. I know that these hard times are producing perseverance, building my character, strengthening my faith in you, and equipping me with what I need for my future.
Even though it feels as if I’ve been waiting for a long time, I know that what you have for me is worth waiting for. I just need to have patience and know that everything will work out in the end.
I’m not who or where I want to be at the moment, and that’s okay. I know I’m exactly where I need to be. It’s a process. I know you’re working on me, and I know I still have a lot of growing to do and more lessons to learn. But Jesus, I must admit, this ongoing mental battle that I’m facing, these emotions that are getting the best of me, is a daily struggle. I know you’ve given me all the weapons I need to fight, but still, I need your help.
I tend to isolate myself from people. I have some days when I just want to sleep so I won’t have to get up and face the day. When I’m awake, the thoughts in my mind never stop going, and I allow the worries of this world to weigh me down.
I’m constantly looking in every direction to see where my blessing is gonna come from. I’m waiting for you to show up with this evacuation plan to get me out of this place.
I just wanna be alone with you, but whenever I get by myself in quietness, I can hear the enemy loud and clear trying to get in my head. I need to hear your voice, Father.
I need to go higher; I want to be high up with you. Not a drug type of high, but the type of high where all I feel is joy and peace in You. The type of high where no negativity, no enemy, no type of harm can reach me.
I need you to capture my mind, Father, place your words deep inside my heart, get them stuck in my mind. Replace my thoughts with your thoughts. There are times when I know I need to pray, but no words come out. Lately, it’s been a lot of “God, I… nevermind.”
I need you to take my hand so I can walk with you. I’m sorry I keep turning away from you.
Lately, I’ve been confused. Trying to fight off these lies of insecurities, the lies of anxieties that come from not having answers.
I want to love myself, but I don’t want my focus to be on myself. I want to love myself the way you love me, but I don’t want to fall into the self-seeking trap. I’m trying to stay humble, but I can’t tell the difference between me having confidence or having pride. Aren’t I called to be strong and courageous? But what if I’m not doing it the right way? I’m contradicting myself.
I’m second guessing everything I do. I can’t depend on myself. I don’t want to get in the way of Your will, Father—not my will for my life, but Yours. I don’t want to do what I think is best for me because in the past, every time I did what I wanted to do or what I thought was best, I ended up down the wrong path.
Some won’t understand this, but Lord, we need your help. We need you to save us from ourselves and from this corrupt world. We need guidance. We need your Love.
I admit, I can’t live without you. Whenever I don’t hear your voice, I panic, but really, you’re just telling me to wait, to be still and have faith in you.
I’m trying, God. I’m trying to fight this fight and run this race the best way I know how.
I won’t move until I hear you say go, but while I’m being still and waiting, Father, I need you to keep me covered. Help me not to wander off or get distracted and pulled in by this world.
Picture this—you’re out in the woods with a group of other soldiers and you have the captain in front leading and guiding the way. The captain is giving out signs of when to go, stop, run, and even fight, so as you follow, you’re constantly looking for the leader to give you directions. You’ve been doing this for some time now. There’s a destination point but there’s still some ways to go. In the meantime, you may get tired and weary, but that’s okay, because you have the leader there going before you. That is, until you get impatient, look away, or stop paying attention. Then what? You get thrown off course. You may get lost; you get worried, and you get scared. What do you do? You can’t do this on your own. You must find the leader and look unto Him to show you the way out to safety. There’s a purpose in all of this. A plan.
I need your guidance. I’m sorry, come save me again.
Do you ever find yourself being so comfortable with something that you actually start to become accepting of it, even though it’s not healthy for you at all? You find yourself holding onto it and not wanting to let go because you think what you have is the only good thing you’ll ever receive. You think it’s the best you can get, but that is absolutely false. I must say I find myself doing this sometimes.
Do you ever just find yourself questioning that one really good person in your life? About how God blessed you with someone so pure and kind-hearted. Sometimes you think it’s too much for you or you think you’re not worthy of them and you push them away because you’re comparing it to your previous interactions, friendships, and relationships. You think it will never work out or go as planned because everyone else in the past let you down, but that is the mindset of the enemy, because God gives you exactly what you can handle and he’s trying to give you exactly what you need. Just know that it may start off uncomfortable. It may feel uncommon from your regular routine and past relationships.
It’s something new.
We feel awkward when something new suddenly starts to happen within our lives. We don’t like the feeling of transitioning and transforming. We want new things, new opportunities, and new people in our lives, but how can we do that if we can’t embrace the uncomfortable changes in our lives for something better and new?
Being comfortable is our safe place. It’s home. It’s where we can run to in a place of need or vulnerability. We don’t have to achieve much in this area. We are simply just comfortable and fine where we are.
Being uncomfortable is a threat to us. We become so afraid that we think it’s wrong. We think we don’t deserve it. We think it’s out of our league, when really God is shifting our perspective to receive new things and embrace it in every way possible. Our mind shifts from old to new.
Stepping out of your comfort zone can be fearful at first, but staying in your comfort zone forever will destroy you and keep you boxed into a mentality you were supposed to outgrow 20 years ago.
Holding onto what’s comfortable feels safe—sometimes too safe. It’s harming you more than it’s keeping you safe. It’s keeping your mindset stagnant and settled into what feels right but is actually wrong and bad for you.
Free yourself from it. Whatever it is, let it go and release yourself from it. You’ll feel so much more alive.
Sometimes holding onto what feels uncomfortable eventually gets released because it feels weird and unusual. It feels rare. It confuses you and makes you feel like you deserve less when God wants to give you more. It feels wrong, but it’s so right, and you’ll slowly start to see that if you just hold on.
Don’t push away what God is trying to bless you with, and don’t welcome in what God is trying to keep you from.
Be that risk taker that takes new heights and tries new things. You don’t have to jump off a skyscraper or a building to be a true risk taker. You just have to be okay with experiencing new things and embracing uncomfortable changes throughout the different seasons of your life.
You have to be willing to accept it and not deny it. You have to be willing to endure the truth and carry that truth in your heart knowing that you deserve more and that you are capable of receiving new things.
I’m sorry for the times I ignored you. It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? I’m sorry for only talking to you when I need help. I am sorry I am not more grateful for your gifts. It seems all I can see is what I am lacking. I am sorry for not giving you thanks every day. Sure, some days are hard. Some days I feel like there is no light. But I have a roof over my head, a family that loves me, and food on my table. I’m so blessed, and I am sorry for not realizing that enough.
I’m sorry for the times I took matters into my own hands. I can be impatient at times. People always say that you have a plan, and I believe this. But sometimes I get impatient waiting for you to make the moves. I am sorry for having an expectation of you. I am starting to learn that you may not meet my expectations because you already plan to exceed them. I am sorry I get frustrated with you. It can be difficult for me to see you moving in my life. I am sorry for not trusting your timing more. I am sorry for chasing things that aren’t meant for me. I believe that you put things in our lives and take things out of our lives for a reason. I will try to trust your plan more.
God, I’m sorry for letting fear take up space in my mind. You tell me to have faith, and God, I am really trying. But sometimes it can get so hard. The world can be a sad place. I am sorry for letting anxiety keep me from serving you. I am sorry for doubting your existence at times. I am sorry for letting my fear of failure keep me from my purpose. People always talk about “their calling” and I feel like I’ve missed mine. Is it possible for someone to miss their calling? Have I missed mine? I am sorry if I have.
I am sorry for not being more kind. To myself and to others. I am sorry for judging people and holding grudges. They say you are merciful and forgiving, but what if I can’t forgive myself? What if I can’t move forward and love myself unconditionally like you do? Teach me. Teach me to see the world through a lens of love and a lens of compassion. Teach me to default to kindness rather than judgement. Plant a seed of empathy in my heart and let it grow to envelope everyone around me.
God, I am sorry for following people before you. I am sorry for comparing my path to that path of others. Social media can make it so hard to follow you first. Sure, the apostles were loyal to Jesus, but they didn’t have to follow him while Instagram was pummeling them with the highlight reels of other people’s lives. I am sorry I compare myself to others so much. I am sorry I let others rather than you determine my worth. You have given me an abundance of grace, and instead of letting it wash all over my life in cleansing, I have cast it aside and used other people as my measuring stick. I am sorry I have used your people for anything other than support and love.
Most of all God, I am sorry I ever doubted that I was loved. I am sorry that I doubted my purpose here. I am sorry that I failed to see that you have made me in your image. I promise I will do better. I will love your creation, which includes me. I will default to faith, rather than fear. I will pray more. I will open myself up to your will.
I will likely stumble many times as I try to do better. And I am sorry in advance for the amount of times you will have to help me up again. But I will try.