Self Improvement

Your Body Is Talking—Are You Listening?

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What if you could create a totally new way of being with your body, a way of communing and caring for it with kindness and ease? And what if, in turn, your body became healthier and had more energy and zest than ever before?

I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that we all have the ability to create and nourish a two-way relationship with our bodies. It begins when we open a line of communication by asking questions and truly listening to what our bodies have to say.

Here’s the thing: Your body knows what it requires to be happy, healthy, and radiant. The problem is, we live in a world which prizes the mind and intellect, a world which barely acknowledges the energetic language and potency that our bodies use. As a result, even those among us who have appreciation for our bodies can still become cut off from the connection that’s available to us when we simply pause … and pay attention.

I call this Body Whispering, a way of reawakening the energy healing capacities many of us harbor. That journey begins by being open to a new way of being with our own bodies, and that’s what I’d like to invite you to try today.

Let’s look at how we can begin this process.

Recognize that energy is your body’s first language — and it’s yours too.

The language of energy is quick, instant, and natural. It also takes a little practice to tune in to, in the same way it would if you were suddenly exposed to a new spoken language you’ve never heard before. The difference here is that you already know the language of energy—it is our first language, the one we used before we had words. Once you start to recognize it, your understanding accelerates.

How you ‘hear’ information from your body is an individual thing, so I can’t tell you exactly what to expect. Notice I said hear; a more accurate term might be receive or perceive. The trick is to not overthink it. Be curious, be open, and practice tuning into this inner awareness you instinctively have.

Begin by asking your body a question.

Your body has a point of view about everything that concerns it, including the food it eats, the clothes it wears, the way it moves, and who it’s intimate with. So it makes sense to ask for its input, don’t you agree?

To begin experimenting with this concept, the next time you sense hunger, ask, Body, what would you like to eat right now? You can ask this out loud or to yourself; your body will hear you either way. Then take a second and see what response you perceive. Be as open as possible and do your best to keep your opinions out of it! Because you WILL have an opinion on this — and a ton of judgments and ideas about what’s right or wrong for your body to eat. Simply trust and allow your body to choose. It knows exactly what it requires to be nourished and satisfied.

Here’s another fun way to practice listening to your body: When you’re picking out what to wear in the morning, ask, Body, what would you like to wear today? Then look in your closet and let your body choose. When you first start playing with this, you might be surprised by your body’s choices. You also might not agree with your body’s choices! Again, it’s a matter of trust.

Understand that your choices about what to eat or wear are based on judgments and ideas about what’s right, wrong, good, or bad for your body. They’re the product of a lifetime of being told which foods are healthy and what kind of clothes you’re permitted to wear for your body shape.

Your body might not agree with you!

The challenge: Try both of these experiments for the next three days. When you sense hunger, ask your body what it would like to eat. When you’re getting dressed for the day, ask your body what it would like to wear. Also, ask what it would like to wear at the end of the day as well!

When you start making choices based on what your body actually feels good in, you’ll notice a difference in energy levels, health, and just the general ease and flow of life.

Expand it with gratitude.

It’s well documented that gratitude has the ability to enhance every area of our lives. When we show gratitude to our loved ones, they love us more freely. When we slow down and appreciate the world around us, we see more and more beauty. It’s the same with our bodies: every time you perceive information from your body, show your gratitude. Say, Thank you so much, dear body, for sharing that with me. Thank the connection you’re building. And thank yourself — for being so open-minded and treading a new path!

Maintain your new connection.

The more you practice, the more you’ll pick up on what your body requires. Please know there are no right or wrongs here — only interesting choices. Listen with openness. Don’t assume. Never judge. Stay open and aware.

Expect to be surprised. Expect to be delighted. Expect insights that go beyond the thinking mind. You’re reawakening a connection — and once that channel is reopened, you’ll find life and living flows more easily. Your body will thank you for this, I promise.

We All Have A Story—Be Brave Enough To Read Yours Out Loud

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We all have a story, with chapters we are proud of and moments in our lives we have felt at our best and most happy—the parts we enjoy reading back with a smile.

And we all have chapters we do not like to recall, experiences that have hurt and brought us pain beyond measure, challenges that have not been so easily overcome.

Perhaps there are difficult chapters we are currently living in now, the words not easy to find in times of anguish and heartbreak, struggle, and doubt.

It might seem easier to skip over these chapters, but for the story to make sense, every line has to be read, despite the difficulty in doing so.

The truth is that we hide ourselves and our emotions from the world when we are suffering, as if the only way to manage the pain is to give in to the silence of it and let it engulf us.

We become lost in the darkness of our thoughts and feelings and we isolate ourselves from others, as if pouring our pain out will make us even weaker than we already feel.

Sometimes, the most painful chapters of our lives are the ones we need to share with the world. We need to let people know when it hurts, that the weight of our thoughts and emotions we carry is too heavy to do alone.

We need to share our truth with those who love and care for us, those who can support us, to let it propel us forward into gaining clarity and peace, instead of living with the shame or guilt of something we believe is holding us back.

When we are hiding ourselves, wearing a mask to the world that we think would be better than the truth we carry underneath, we are not being true to ourselves or others around us. When we try to push away our fear or anxieties, low mood or previous trauma, we are fooling ourselves that this negative energy will pass on its own. When we think we can carry the weight of it alone, we often find it overwhelms us.

Often, we cling to pain and suffering because it feels familiar, like a shadow following us despite the sunshine. We often do not believe that by letting it go, we could achieve real happiness, as if we need to hold on to it as a reminder of all we have been through. We need to acknowledge that these chapters do not define our story but instead add depth to our character and the places we have found ourselves on our written journey.

True healing starts from within. It is accepting our present circumstances and our past experiences, everything that has brought us to this point in our story, and to acknowledge that these are only parts of our plot-line.

To heal, we have to accept where we find ourselves now so we can change where we want to go next.

We need to be kind and understanding to ourselves on our journey as we navigate through each page of the process, to feel every emotion we encounter, no matter how much it might hurt us, or to say the words we have been too afraid to admit aloud, even to ourselves. It is important not to hide who we are but to embrace ourselves fully, with all of our pieces, and let our real selves be present.

We need to be brave and let go of what keeps us from moving forward in our life story, to stand tall in moments we feel like we are shrinking, and to communicate what we need to say, even if it is only a whisper. Because we owe ourselves healing and happiness. We deserve to be heard in the silence of our suffering. We do not have to fight our pain alone.

Every chapter we have already lived through has taught us we have the strength to keep going until we find the solace we seek.

And one day soon, we will be able to tell our story without it hurting. We are the authors of our own destiny, and we owe it to ourselves to make our next chapter the best one yet.

The Ultimate Guide To Finding Freedom In Your Life

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What is freedom?

Freedom is showing up as yourself in the world unapologetically.  It’s taking off the mask and not being afraid to show your true self.  It’s not being worried about what other people think, not because you don’t care about them, but because you love yourself so much that you don’t need their approval.  Self-love equals the freedom to be your truest self.

Self-love is tied to our enoughness, our realization that we are perfect in our essence, our being.  We don’t have to do anything in order to earn love and acceptance, we already have it within ourselves when we learn to appreciate who we are and what we are without striving or achieving. We already are enough. You are enough.

In order to drill that into your head and allow your body to integrate, you must practice self-love. We practice self-love by taking time to meditate, going on long walks with ourselves, and one of my favorite activities, journaling…

When we spend intentional time loving ourselves, we shape our own freedom.  When we take a step forward, practice lowering the mask, and speak a little more truth than we did the day before, we inch ourselves closer to the freedom that we so desperately crave.

Here are a few ways you may be shrinking back without even realizing it:

1. Compartmentalizing

Where in your life do you keep things separate?  Do you have one group of friends that you don’t introduce to another group of friends?  Do you keep your romantic relationships separate from friendships or family?  What about creative endeavors?  Do you share them with others or hide them away for fear of rejection?

When we compartmentalize our lives, we are living out of integrity with ourselves, fearing rejection or judgment in one way or another.  Notice what you are still compartmentalizing and make a small move this week to live more wholly as yourself.

2. Saying yes when you mean no

Will the people pleasers in the room please stand up?  Yup, this one’s a big one for me.  As a chronic people-pleaser, always worried about everyone else’s feelings but my own, it’s often hard for me to tell people no.  This has been a long road of learning to say no without taking on other people’s feelings as my responsibility.  Sometimes it even means saying no to things you DO want to do but know you’d be more rewarded or fulfilled doing something else. For example, saying no to a trip to London so you can say yes to finish writing your book.  Let your yes mean yes and your no mean no.  Part of practicing self-love is protecting your time and energy.

3. Laughing at stuff that isn’t funny

This may seem petty, but how many times do you catch yourself laughing at jokes you don’t agree with or don’t find funny simply so you don’t rock the boat or stir the waters? This too is living out of alignment with your true self. I’m not saying that you need to start raising cane and arguing with everyone you disagree with; I’m just saying you shouldn’t feel the need to act a certain way just to fit in or keep everyone happy.  Again, other people’s feelings and opinions are not your responsibility.  Your number one priority is your own happiness.

4. Not expressing yourself how you want to

Ever wanted to start a blog, host a podcast, try your hand at painting, or handball?  By denying yourself the right of self-expression of any sort, you are shrinking back, staying in a façade rather than bursting forth into your true essence, the part of you that you were born to embrace.  By resisting self-expression, you are not practicing self-love but self-deprivation.  You’re practicing being fake—separate from your own soul.

Now that we know how we shrink ourselves back, let’s look at a few ways we can practice self-love, thus embracing our true selves and winning back our brightest freedom.

1. Celebrating your wins

This one is so small and so stinkin’ easy to forget, but man, is it important!  How often do you stop and take time to celebrate your wins?  When you hit a new level in your workout, or accomplish something big at work or discover a new depth in your poetry, do you take time to celebrate?  Take a bath, pop a bottle, buy yourself something small and frivolous like a nice brand of tea or a new crystal, hug yourself, have a private dance sesh, put a gold star in your planner—whatever feels fun and celebratory, make sure you take time and do it!  This is so good for your self-love and self-confidence.

2. Rocking your style

Tomorrow morning, when you go to your closet, pick out the most YOU-nique outfit you can come up with. Craft that totally YOU, not-trying-to-fit-into-any-category, fan-tabulous outfit and wear it like you own the runway.  Throw on some shades too and tell yourself how awesome you are, how great you look, and how much fun you’re going to have all day long just knowing that you are feelin’ yourself in your original threads.

3. Expressing yourself

You had to see this one coming.  Pick up a pen and paper, grab some crayons, sing along to Shania Twain, dance around your apartment—whatever feels good and moves you, do it.  Self-expression is one of the most kind and loving things we can do for ourselves, but we must allow ourselves the space and time to do it.  In a world rushing way too fast, it can feel like these silly little gestures are unnecessarily cutting into our productivity schedule, but please do yourself a favor and let the light in.  Having fun isn’t a crime, it’s love-inducing.

4. Follow the joy breadcrumbs

Again, when we get so caught up in the hustle and grind, we forget to have fun and enjoy ourselves. What’s calling you to give it a try? What new experience piques your curiosity but seems out of reach?  Is there something you LOVE to do but haven’t made time for it lately? Stop fighting the crazy call to have fun with logic and get out there and give it a whirl!  It’s okay if you fail. It’s okay if there is no point to it.  It’s okay if you’re trying something “just because.”  Having fun is what fuels our joy, which fuels our creativity, which increases our fulfillment in life.  Follow your heart and you’ll love yourself more for it.

When we take time to love ourselves fully by totally embracing who we already are, we stop trying to hide behind facades. We quit playing charades, and we quit living in fear of what others are going to think. Instead, we create space for ourselves to dance freely, live vibrantly, and shine so brightly that others will inevitably be attracted to our joy and abundance. The ones who don’t get it will drop away, and there’s nothing wrong with that. You weren’t made to please everyone, you were made to be 100% YOU.

Take some time today to love yourself. Take a bubble bath, drink some tea, put your feet in the grass, and enjoy the breath in your lungs. You are incredible just the way you are, and you have nothing to prove to anyone. Love yourself first and foremost and the rest will fall into place.

How will you make freedom your priority today?

A Journey To True Self-Love

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I’ve been on quite the journey lately. A journey deep inside myself with the goal of learning to truly love the person that I am. It has not been easy. While being kind and loving to others has always been second nature to me, the idea of treating myself with that same compassion and care has proven to be one of the most difficult things in my life. But I’ve been working hard on it, and lately I am better prepared for this battle, one of self-acceptance and love that I didn’t know before.

I found myself wondering why this has always been so hard for me. Why is it often so easy for us to love others but we find this concept of self-love so difficult? Is it because we see the idea of self-love as sort of self-centered and think that loving ourselves is just plain selfish? Or is it easier to love others because we see, for the most part, the best sides of them, whereas we have to see and live with what we may view as the worst parts of ourselves? I get it, self-love is hard and I used to think the same things, that self-love was just some trendy idea thrown around in therapists’ offices. But I now believe it’s so important and that life can be so much more fulfilling when you’re happy with the person that you are.

I know it can also be hard to love yourself if you are, like I am, a perfectionist. For a perfectionist, very few things that we do ever feel like they are good enough. We are constantly striving to be better and to do more in our lives. I’ve struggled with this since I was young. And I’ve come a long way with my perfectionism. I like to say that I’m a “recovering perfectionist”. I’ve learned that imperfections can be beautiful and to let things go more easily. I think having a chronic illness as well as struggling with mental health challenges has forced me to learn to be okay with things being less than ideal, because my body often just won’t let me be that perfect version of myself that I pictured myself becoming and strived so hard to be when I was younger. I’ve accepted that life has had other plans for me. Maybe this has been a blessing in disguise.

I wonder, looking back, how much joy and happiness I missed out on because of my perfectionism and lack of self-love. It makes me sad for the girl I was back then, but it also makes me more determined than ever to learn how to truly love the skin that I’m in today. I want to give that girl a big hug and be the person today that I needed back then. But this has proven to be hard. I’ve asked myself many times how I can really do this; how can I really love myself when I live in a body that is constantly letting me down?

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in pain which predominantly leads to me saying, “I hate my body”. It’s not easy to love your body when you feel like it is just a constant source of pain and discomfort. But recently I began to wonder how detrimental that viewpoint was on both my body and soul. Constantly feeling like I hated my body and being a tense, frustrated ball of nerves because of my pain just uses up so much valuable energy that I could be using for so much good. So I decided it was time to flip the narrative. Time to change the words I say to myself on a daily basis. The words we speak to ourselves become what we believe and shape who we are. I decided that I was going to learn to love this body that I’ve been given.

While I used to view self-love as kind of cliché and selfish, I now believe it is a beautiful thing that is so incredibly important, especially as a woman and a person that has a debilitating chronic illness. And if you’re a person who loves to help and serve others, learning to first love yourself is paramount. Alan Cohen said, “You can be helping many people, but if you are not helping yourself, you have missed the one person you were born to heal”. You cannot pour from an empty cup. When we first love and take care of ourselves, we can then love others more fully, with our whole hearts.

So how do we cultivate self-love in our lives when it often seems so elusive? For me, I’ve started by looking back at my journey and the challenges I’ve faced, and I’m learning to love my story and the woman who has overcome so much. I’ve started to think about my pain differently. Rather than viewing it as an enemy that I hate, I’ve started to realize the good that has come from my pain. Because I know what true pain is, I am able to feel and appreciate joy and happiness so much more. I have a different perspective on life because of it. It’s given me a wisdom that I wouldn’t have otherwise. It’s allowed me to help so many other people who are hurting, because I’ve been there and I know how to make it to the other side. My pain has given me purpose, and that’s something I’ve learned to love.

I’ve recently started doing a meditation to help me change how I think about and view my body and pain. During this meditation, I put my hands on different areas of my body while I breathe in, saying to that part of myself, “I love you”. I then breathe out, while telling myself, “we’re healing”. I’ve been doing this every day, with each part of my body, especially the ones that hurt. When I first started this meditation, I thought it was a little silly and I didn’t believe what I was telling myself, but I did it anyway. And I kept doing it. After a few days, the meditation made me start to cry. I was crying because I was thinking about the woman and girl who used to hate her body so much, this beautiful body that I was now starting to love and appreciate. I felt so much sadness for this girl and how I treated her. I wanted more than anything to change that. Since then, I’ve started to believe the words that I’m telling myself. And its a wonderful, freeing feeling.

You may not need to go this far to begin on a journey of self-love, but I encourage you to make self-love a priority and begin by changing some of the things that you tell yourself and how you see yourself. You can start by learning to forgive yourself for your past mistakes. Beating yourself up for ways that you have failed in the past does nobody any good. If you need to, think about how you would treat a little child or your best friend and how you would forgive them for making a mistake, for being human. Think of yourself this way and try to be kinder to yourself. You are human and in this life you will make mistakes. Use them to learn and grow, and then move on.

How many times have you looked in the mirror and seen things that you don’t like about yourself? I’ve started to look at myself and purposefully change the way I view my body. I now see my scars as battle scars that I am proud of; they show how strong I’ve been and all that I’ve overcome. I encourage you to see your scars in the same way.

Our bodies and lives each tell a story that is so special, a story that no one else has. A story that deserves to be celebrated. My hope for you is that you can start to see your body in a new light. See the wrinkles and lines on your face as reminders of a life well-lived; a life filled with all the beautiful and heartbreaking emotions that come with a life lived fully.

See your hands as hands that have loved, provided for, and served others. Hands that have nurtured your children and created beautiful things. See your arms that have held and supported friends when they were hurting and needed a soft place to land.

See your legs that have carried you through life, navigating each obstacle thrown in your way, carrying you through to the other side each time. It may or may not have been graceful, but they’ve always gotten you where you needed to go. See your feet that have met the floor each morning, even when all you wanted to do was stay hidden under the covers. No matter what life throws at you, somehow you have just kept putting one foot in front of the other and facing each day with strength and grace.

Mamas, see your stretch marks as a beautiful reminder of the life you grew inside of you for nine months and brought into this world. See your grey hairs as proof that you’ve shown up, for your family and friends, even when life gets hard. And you will keep showing up, because you are so strong.

I encourage you, if you struggle with self-love, to try to change the way that you view your body and the words that you say to yourself. Even if you don’t believe it at first, keep telling yourself “I love you”, keep viewing your body as beautiful and strong; I promise it will start to sink in. And when you learn to truly love yourself, not only can you love others more fully, but life becomes a little more beautiful and happiness a little less hard to find. Start to put self-love and self-care a little higher on your list, I don’t think you’ll ever regret it. You are so beautiful, and you deserve nothing less.

There Is Always A Breakdown Before The Breakthrough

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I’ve had this topic on the tip of my tongue all day today because I have been fighting battles for so long that I believe are truly setting me up for greatness.

Obstacles that are molding me, teaching me and perfecting me for the job God has in store for me.

To all my twenty-something warriors, I know you are going through a fight in your life right now and sometimes you doubt you will make it.

You are fighting the urge to give up on school because you don’t have the grades to make it in your program or the stress is slowly beating you down day by day.

You are fighting people who get under your skin and cause you to shed silent tears because of their insensitivity.

You are fighting the demands of a job that pays little to nothing and being in an environment that sometimes overwhelms you.

You are fighting the loneliness that comes along with being single and you wonder when it will be your turn to love.

You are fighting to find yourself in a world that constantly tells you who you should be.

You are fighting feelings of envy that come up when you see others shining on social media when you have been working for years to have a come up of your own.

My dear Millennial, I know that you are always fighting.

I want you to know that not only are you not in this alone, but all of these breakdowns are preparations for your breakthrough, because character cannot be built by taking the easy road and diamonds go through the rough before they shine.

Everything you want, desire, and yearn for is being prepared for you right now. But how can you be the person you desire to be if you are still shaken by someone’s insensitive comments, by haters, by low self-esteem, by bitterness, envy, or negative thoughts and emotions?

How can you be that person when you are constantly shaken by every little thing?

Whether or not you believe in God or a higher power, whatever is out there wants you to be readily prepared for every single obstacle you will face in your life because there is a strength and a character shift that must take place before you can get to that place.

So even though you doubt, even though you toil, please DO NOT give up on yourself today.

Life will happen, bad days will come, people will try and bring you down, you will cry, and you will want to throw in the towel, but quitting is not an option because you are closer than you think you are to your breakthrough.

Because in life, the small things are no comparison to the grand scheme and that grand scheme is your purpose.

So with this in mind, know that you are bigger than the winds that threaten to shake you, to rile you up and to ultimately cause you to collapse.

YOU ARE BIGGER.

So, I don’t know who this is for. I don’t know who went through a breakup today, who struggled with thoughts of suicide, who is thinking of dropping out of school, who is fed up with being fed up and who is searching for answers in this thing we call life. 

I don’t know who is on the brink of quitting even before they have begun the race.

But if there is one thing I know for sure is that a few breakdowns will not stop you from rising yet again, because you have what it takes to get through this moment, this day, this week, this year and this life.

You might not feel like you do everyday and as an adult we don’t always have someone there to remind us.

So I will be the one to remind you today:

Rise, dear one.

Shine in who you are and don’t doubt that there is a great plan beyond all of your struggles.

Because even with some breakdowns, nothing, and I mean nothing, can stop your breakthrough.

11 Signs You’re Healing Past Trauma You Didn’t Even Know You Had

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Trauma is sneaky in that it is subtle. It is so subtle, in fact, we can allow it to become normalized to the point that we forget it exists, until, of course, something triggers it and we are back at square one. Trauma is likewise not always what we think it might be — we’re all traumatized from a variety of experiences, ranging in intensity. These are a few of the signs that you’re beginning to process trauma that you didn’t even know you had.

1. You’re confused by your feelings.

It’s not just that you’re hyper-sensitive, it’s that you’re emotional in ways that just don’t quite make sense.

You might find yourself over or under-reacting to situations or world events. You might find yourself crying once an hour, or struggling to understand what you feel at all.

All of this is a symptom of a fundamental disconnect between you and your nervous system. In order to survive, you had to tune out your authentic feelings. Of course, this is unsustainable, so once you open yourself up to sensing them again, you’re met with an onslaught of confusion and out-of-place emotionality.

You need time to process.

Then, slowly, you need to reconnect with your ability to intuit your needs and wants.

2. You’re recalling memories you totally forgot about.

Memory suppression is another classic sign of trauma.

If you are suddenly remembering all of these experiences or instances you completely forgot about, chances are you were more traumatized by them than you think. You tuned them out in order to carry on, and now, you’re actually ready to unpack their significance in your life.

3. You’ve reached a peak of success or stability.

Though it seems counterintuitive, this is precisely the point at which most people begin emotionally unraveling.

This is simply because you are no longer just trying to survive. For a long time, your emotional health had to take a back seat while you struggled to find some stability. Now that you have it, those feelings are ready to be addressed so you can actually find fulfillment and growth.

4. You’re questioning your direction in life.

There’s a good chance that a lot of the decisions you made in your life were decided upon from a place of trauma.

You may very well look back and feel embarrassed or confused about why you dated someone, or posted something, or acted in one particular way or another.

Though you don’t need to guilt and shame yourself for your mistakes, this is actually a sign of growth. Recognizing that you behave differently today is actually a positive thing.

5. You’re experiencing an array of physical symptoms.

The tension in your shoulders and gut that you’ve had for as long as you can remember? It’s probably not unrelated to anxiety and trauma.

The same is true for a lot of “unexplainable” physical discomforts. Now, instead of just trying to treat the symptoms, you’re willing to address their causes.

6. You feel totally numbed out, or apathetic about other people’s suffering.

Ironically, many people who have suffered greatly can begin to feel apathetic about other people’s suffering simply because it’s too much of an emotional overload.

When this occurs, it’s not necessarily that you’re a bad person or that you’ve lost your empathy. It might just mean that you need to hold space for your own feelings, and process your own emotions, before you can offer the same to someone else.

7. You feel guilt or shame for no clear reason.

If the foundation of your self-worth is built on being overcorrected, judged, shamed and humiliated, you might still be carrying that around with you today.

If you feel guilty or embarrassed over innocuous things, or for no reason at all, it’s probably a past trauma that you’re still reacting to without realizing. You’re so scared of being made to feel that way again, you impose it on yourself so that nobody can hurt you first.

8. You feel as though your every move is being “watched,” judged, or evaluated by someone in a negative way.

This is another way that hypervigilance takes control of our lives.

Unable to recognize that we are no longer in danger, our bodies continue to respond as though a threat is imminent. This not only depletes our health and energy, it is the root of all traumatic experiences: an inability to discern that the event is over.

Practicing mindfulness and grounding techniques along with your other emotional processing work can be helpful for managing this.

9. You’re mentally foggy, and it’s hard to concentrate.

Yet again, your mind is overstimulated from trying to respond to too many things at once.

In this case, you have to remember that feelings aren’t always facts — they are valid experiences but don’t always say something accurate about who we are or what our future might be.

Similarly, the thoughts that we might get lost in are not always predictive or realistic. Sometimes, we are simply responding to out-of-control emotions and end up in a spiral that it’s hard to get out of.

10. You’re withdrawing from others.

While this isn’t sustainable long-term, sometimes, being alone is the healthiest thing we can do for ourselves.

When we remove ourselves from other people’s expectations and needs, we’re able to start responding to our own. We’re able to be more expressive about our emotions, and we’re also able to figure out who we are independent of who we imagine other people need us to be.

Being alone forever isn’t healthy, and connection is essential for us to thrive. But being alone for a while, and especially while you are healing, can be extremely powerful.

11. You’re questioning what you once thought to be true.

Your old belief system simply cannot carry you into this next phase of your life.

You’re ready to start pulling apart a lot of what you built as a response to your trauma, and as a way to survive.

You’re ready to build a new worldview that is more accurate, more realistic, and in which you are a capable and competent person capable of living a good life — no matter what is or isn’t in your past.