I’ve had this topic on the tip of my tongue all day today because I have been fighting battles that I believe are setting me up for greatness.
Obstacles that are molding me, teaching me and perfecting me for the job God has in store for me.
To all my twenty-something warriors, I know you are going through a fight in your life right now and sometimes you doubt you will make it.
You are fighting the urge to give up on school because you don’t have the grades to make it in your program or the stress is slowly beating you down day by day.
You are fighting people who get under your skin and cause you to shed silent tears because of their insensitivity.
You are fighting the demands of a job that pays little to nothing and being in an environment that sometimes overwhelms you.
You are fighting the loneliness that comes along with being single and you wonder when it will be your turn to love.
You are fighting to find yourself in a world that constantly tells you who you should be.
You are fighting feelings of envy that come up when you see others shining on social media when you have been working for years to have a come up of your own.
My dear Millennial, I know that you are always fighting.
I want you to know that not only are you not in this alone, but all of these breakdowns are preparations for your breakthrough, because character cannot be built by taking the easy road and diamonds go through the rough before they shine.
Everything you want, desire, and yearn for is being prepared for you right now. But how can you be the person you desire to be if you are still shaken by someone’s insensitive comments, by haters, by low self-esteem, by bitterness, envy, or negative thoughts and emotions?
How can you be that person when you are constantly shaken by every little thing?
Whether or not you believe in God or a higher power, whatever is out there wants you to be readily prepared for every single obstacle you will face in your life because there is a strength and a character shift that must take place before you can get to that place.
So even though you doubt, even though you toil, please DO NOT give up on yourself today.
Life will happen, bad days will come, people will try and bring you down, you will cry, and you will want to throw in the towel, but quitting is not an option because you are closer than you think you are to your breakthrough.
Because in life, the small things are no comparison to the grand scheme and that grand scheme is your purpose.
So with this in mind, know that you are bigger than the winds that threaten to shake you, to rile you up and to ultimately cause you to collapse.
YOU ARE BIGGER.
So, I don’t know who this is for. I don’t know who went through a breakup today, who struggled with thoughts of suicide, who is thinking of dropping out of school, who is fed up with being fed up and who is searching for answers in this thing we call life.
I don’t know who is on the brink of quitting even before they have begun the race.
But if there is one thing I know for sure is that a few breakdowns will not stop you from rising yet again, because you have what it takes to get through this moment, this day, this week, this year and this life.
You might not feel like you do everyday and as an adult we don’t always have someone there to remind us.
So I will be the one to remind you today:
Rise, dear one.
Shine in who you are and don’t doubt that there is a great plan beyond all of your struggles.
Because even with some breakdowns, nothing, and I mean nothing, can stop your breakthrough.
There’s nothing better than rebuilding yourself and rebuilding your life no matter how old you are, no matter how long it took you to finally take that step because if there’s one battle that’s truly worth fighting, it’s this one. Rebuilding yourself after so many setbacks and downfalls. After too many failures and wrong turns. After too many years of being passive and complaining about your life without really doing anything about it.
There’s nothing better than deciding that you still have a say, you still have a choice, you still have a voice you can use to shift your life into another direction. It’s easy to stay stuck in the mental prison you’ve caged yourself in and it’s easier to blame the circumstances but no matter how impossible it seems to get out of that prison, there’s always a way out, there’s always a hidden path and sometimes the door is wide open in front of you but you’re just too afraid to get out because you don’t want to face any more disappointments. You don’t want to suffer again.
There’s nothing better than realizing that some things happen as clear signs from the universe that you need to do something. Sometimes God doesn’t answer your prayers in the way you asked for them but he shows you the way to them. He shows you that what you’re asking for is not out of reach but maybe you need to cross a few rivers or a few bridges or learn a few more lessons to get to them.
Sometimes he gives you all the tools you need instead so you can manifest your own prayers and sometimes he sends you clues and messages that tell you that he’s on your side. That the path you’re on is the right one for you. That this is exactly what you needed to learn after everything fell apart or after hitting rock bottom.
There’s nothing better than rebuilding yourself because it prepares you for all the challenges ahead. It prepares you for heartbreak and loss. It prepares you for all the moments that you would normally fear. It gives you independence, strength, resilience and freedom and somehow these tools help you survive anything in life. Knowing you can count on yourself, knowing that you can take care of yourself, knowing that you have the self-awareness to get yourself out of your darkness or your prison or your doubts. Knowing that at any moment you can choose to leave a situation or a person and you will be just fine.
There’s nothing better than rebuilding yourself because once you decide to do that, ironically, everything falls back together. Everything kind of redeems itself. Everything patches itself up again including your broken heart and your broken spirit.
Do you ever catch yourself thinking the following? 💭 I wish I had more time to do the things I love.. I know I’m destined for more… I just don’t know where to start… I really don’t love my job… I want more out of life… I wish I was able to be at home with my kids more… I wish I didn’t have to put my kids in daycare… I need a holiday… I love helping people… I want to be my own boss… I want to earn more money… I want to learn more… I want to further develop as a person… I want to be happier… Is this really what my life looks like for the next 10-20+ years… I just don’t know where to start…
*Whether you’re a mumma or just someone that wants MORE out of life, to create an income online (just to help people!), be at home with your kids more or work from the beach or your favourite cafe…🌊☕️
Which ever option you are, you CAN have it. Stop telling yourself you can’t. How will you ever know if you don’t take the next step? You won’t… 🤷♀️
“You are ONE decision away from a totally different life” Literally…
I am writing you this letter because I know, more than anyone else in this world, how it feels to be lost.
You have dreams and ambitions and you are the kind of woman who doesn’t give up until she has achieved what she wants, but for now, you feel like your path is lost, and even though there’s a lot you want to do, you don’t know how or where to start.
You know exactly what you want: A life full of adventures, helping others to feel good about themselves, and finding true love. You want to give back to people who need it and also, you want to make your family proud of you.
You don’t have to feel guilty for knowing what you want, even if everyone around you claims that you are immature, selfish, too picky or have too high of expectations.
I understand the power that those words have on your mind. I know they have slowly killed your essence and that’s the reason why you’re in your room crying yourself to sleep every night.
Also, I know that you are not okay. I wasn’t either, but if there’s anything that I can tell you is that please don’t ever lose hope. Sooner or later, things will get better, even if right now you feel like you are going to be a failure for the rest of your life, always obligated to settle for what’s second best.
You don’t have to feel like you have to do everything before a certain age or need to have everything figured out before this year ends. Take your time and breathe.
Don’t feel guilty for taking your time, instead, embrace it and appreciate it, because once you start working, studying or learning a new hobby, you won’t have enough time for doing all those little things that today you take for granted like watching your favorite Netflix show or taking long walks with your dog.
The last thing I want to tell you and encourage you to do it is to pray. God is always there and He listens to our prayers and tears, even if we feel like He is distant or absent. He has a way of making things work, but this happens only at His perfect timing.
Meanwhile, walk closer to Him and His word, and you will see how little by little, your mess will turn into testimony and your battles will turn into victories.
It’s not easy, I know it, but being patient, having hope and trusting God will make everything worth it.
For the women who feel like ‘too much’ – you know exactly who you are.
You’re the ones who grew up always feeling different – feeling crazy, feeling brash, feeling just a little too passionate and fierce. You’re the ones who’ve spent your whole lives being told to bite your tongue, to sit on your hands, to settle down and shut up and quell your restless mind for just long enough to blend in.
To find your place within the calmer, cooler crowds.
You’re the ones who’ve always struggled to regulate your spirit. The ones who’ve felt the pull between the wild and the tame – the never-ending yearning to go and yet the underlying longing to stay. The constant need to explore further and yet the quiet desire to settle down.
You’re the ones who can’t find peace within yourself. Who have always wanted to try harder, run faster, push yourself further than the world around you ever expected you to go. You’re the ones with the expectations so high that even you can never live up to yourself. Even you can sometimes find your mind to be ‘too much’ for your body.
And yet you’re also the one who’s irreplaceable.
You’re the one who may always be a little too passionate, a little too reckless and too intense.
But you’re also the one who loves the hardest. Who fights the longest. Who refuses to cash in her chips and give up when the rest of the crowd has laid their swords down and gone home.
You’re the one who keeps pushing for the changes that need making. Who won’t sit down or shut up or settle down when what the stakes are rising higher than you’re ready for. You’re the one who’s not afraid to stand up when the rest of the world is staying silent.
You’re the one who may always be ‘too much’ for the people who are calm and complacent and steady.
But you’ll never be too much for the fierce ones.
You’ll never be too much for the ones who burn as brightly, who reel as wildly, who move as quickly as you.
You’ll never be too much for the people who want to experience the whole of life fully – arms wide open and spirit braced for whatever’s coming their way. You will always be just the right amount for the people who’s fire matches your own.
But there’s a catch-22 when it comes to finding them.
Because they’re not the ones sitting down. Shutting up. And listening to what they have been told their entire life to do.
They are the ones running ahead of the pack.
And if it’s not too much for you to handle, It is up to you to run and catch up.
1. Do something every day that your future self will thank you for, even if it is small.
2. Do something every day that your past self would be impressed by, even if it feels easy now.
3. Start saying “thank you” for what you want as though it has already happened. Write it down, say it out loud. Even once is enough.
4. Learn the power of momentum. Start with small tasks in the day and let it build.
5. Make one tiny shift in the right direction. Drink one half glass of water. Walk around the block. Take one deep breath.
6. When you want to cry, cry. When you want to be angry, be angry. When you want to be sad, be sad. When you want to be happy, don’t ruin it. Processing in real time is how you avoid emotional issues in the future.
7. Find healthy, productive distractions.
8. Unfollow every single person who makes you feel bad about yourself.
9. See your discomfort as your subconscious way of telling yourself that you are capable of more, and better, than you have at this current moment.
10. Junk journal. Open up a notebook and scribble down exactly how you feel. Stop trying to invalidate them with positivity. “Emotions, once felt, tend to dissolve on their own.”
11. Let yourself dream. Imagine what you want to build and create next in your life.
12. Give yourself something to look forward to. Plan a trip, make a date, or take yourself out somewhere.
13. If there is something you need to change in your life, start today. Look for new jobs. Write a letter to someone you need to apologize to. If time is not resolving the matter, you must.
14. Do not believe everything that you think.
15. Do not trust everything that you feel.
16. Think back on everything you worried about that turned out to be nothing.
17. Think back on all those times you had strong, overwhelming feelings that you didn’t really understand. Sometimes, you just had to learn how to let them pass.
18. Do something each day that helps you get to know yourself better. Write down what you like and what you don’t. Identify your values, your beliefs, your hopes, your fears.
19. Spend time with people who you “click” with.
20. Do something for someone without asking for anything in return.
21. Disconnect from people who don’t add to your life. Don’t be afraid to disengage.
22. Read something that makes you think about the world differently.
23. Note what comes effortlessly to you, this is what you’re here to do.
24. Note what is interesting to you, this is what you’re here to learn about.
25. Note what you struggle with the most, this is what you’re here to master.
26. Learn to stand up for yourself in a productive way. Instead of slinging insults or being passive aggressive, learn to speak your truth with dignity and grace.
27. Recognize that whatever bothers you most about other people can reveal the unconscious truth about yourself. Use every discomfort as an opportunity to heal your own wounds.
28. Lean in deeply to that which brings you joy.
29. Go out of your way to make time for people who you really care about.
30. Create a vision board, either on paper or online. Map out what you want to create and what you want your life to look like.
31. Learn from people who you admire. Use their lives as a guide for what you want to do.
32. Learn from people you dislike. Use their lives as a blueprint for what you do not want to do.
33. When you feel the impulse to judge another person, remind yourself gently that every time you do so, you only continue to narrow your idea of what’s acceptable in life.
34. State what you are feeling, claim it and accept it, and take action in the face of it.
35. Interrogate one negative thought. Instead of running on autopilot, stop and ask yourself: Is this true? Do I know for a fact this is true?
36. Better yet, ask yourself this: Does this thought move my life in the direction I would like it to go?
37. If all you were able to do today was wake up and keep breathing, that’s okay. Give yourself permission to rest.
38. Make a to-do list then cut it in half. Then cut it in half again. You should be left with the one or two most imperative tasks. Focus on those and only those.
39. Meditate on how far you’ve come. Make a list of all the things you have, do and feel that you never imagined would be possible.
40. Meditate on how much you’ve overcome. Consider everything that happened in the past that you swore you’d never get over, and note that you always did.
41. Express genuine gratitude. Find something you are actually happy to have.
42. If feeling good is too far from where you’re at, make it your goal to feel neutral.
43. Sleep when you are tired. Eat when you are hungry.
44. Working until you’re at the point of exhaustion at which time you collapse and feel totally paralyzed is not “working hard,” it’s abusing yourself.
45. You’re allowed to be angry and upset. You are not allowed to take angry and upset actions that could impact your safety or quality of life for years to come.
46. Write yourself a note in which you outline exactly what to do when you have a panicky feeling. When you’re thinking clearly, tell yourself what to do when you’re not.
47. Remember that you’re mortal. All of this will pass. No time is guaranteed. You are not stuck forever. Life moves quickly and it does not stop. You are only here for a moment. Try to savor it as much as you can.
Don’t be afraid of challenges. They may sound intimidating, and they can be scary, but only if you let them be. Tell yourself that you will do this, and then go out there and do it. For real. Life is full of challenges, they will test your will and strength, they will reveal your true character, and you will always come out feeling a bit wiser and bit stronger.
Let’s start with something simple. Disconnect from the net. Social media is great- everyone loves a good cat video and Instagram, but too much time online is taking away from time to live your life and be your best self. See how long you can go without checking your phone, an hour, three, five? Turn it into a day, and definitely don’t grab your phone right before bed…we’ve all lost way too much sleep doing that.
If you are adamant about staying connected, then connect with people who inspire you and who you aspire to be like. Find the people in the world, not just your inner circle, who are making the kinds of moves you hope to be making someday. Let their successes motivate you to push for your own success.
Bare your soul to yourself…what are you truly seeking to accomplish? What is your mission in life? What is your purpose? We all have one, sometimes it comes to you, sometimes it takes some figuring out. To be your ultimate best badass self, you need to take the time and the chance to see yourself as you truly are, and what you hope you accomplish in this lifetime.
Once you’ve found that purpose, never let it out of your sight. The universe will throw distractions your way, obstacles will pop up out of nowhere. Some days you will feel dejected, afraid, unmotivated, incapable. But know that the universe only gives you what you can handle, so you’ve got this. Stand strong and continue onward.
Let go of anything and anyone that does not bring you joy. Why hold on to something that does not add any positive value to your life? Letting go is difficult, but 100% necessary. As you remove the weight that is holding you down, you will find solace and a renewed passion for life and for yourself.
This one is crucial. Be your own best friend. Every morning, look in the mirror and give yourself a genuine compliment. Start today and keep this going. By the end of this challenge, seeing the good things about yourself will be as easy and routine as brushing your teeth.
Stop making so many excuses. Sometimes, the only thing standing in your way is you. We all have the same amount of hours in the day as Beyonce, it’s an injustice to ourselves to not use those hours wisely, making moves and hustling for our dreams.
A healthy mind and body are keys to a healthy life. Exercising isn’t something everyone enjoys doing, so find some other physical activity, if the gym doesn’t work for you. In order to give your best, you have to look and feel your best too, mentally, physically, and emotionally.
Which brings me to Day 9, take stock of what’s on your mind. Are they all things you can affect or control? If something isn’t, breathe, and learn to let it go. There’s already so much you’re responsible for: yourself, family, a job, hobbies, pets, etc. Don’t add on even more to your plate by doing the worrying about something that can’t, won’t, or hasn’t happened yet. Let the universe do the worrying about those things for you.
Make a list of all the things you have been wanting and waiting to do but haven’t yet. Why didn’t you? What was stopping you? Go out there and do them all despite what you may think the cons are. You wanted to adopt a cat? Go for it. You wanted to write a book? Start. You wanted to quit your job? Do it. You’ll never know what the outcome will be if you don’t lay down your fear and just go for it.
Network. We have so many opportunities in a day to meet someone new: standing in line for coffee, at the company mixer, at brunch with friends of friends. So today, get out of your comfort zone and strike up a conversation with someone new. Business settings aren’t the only place to make connections. Every time you meet someone, you’re giving yourself the chance to make a positive connection, that could turn into something else. As long as you follow what’s next.
Put your best foot forward. It’s time to clean out that closet. Get rid of any clothes you forgot you even owned, and anything you haven’t worn in a month. Then, have a fashion show for yourself and put together outfits that make you feel and look like the badass bawse you are. First impressions and good appearances are important and make a difference. Even more important is how you feel in your clothes, you should wear what you like and what feels good to you, not what society deems is fashionable. Badasses don’t care about societal fashion norms.
Learn a new skill. Education doesn’t have to be limited to the classroom. With the help of the internet and the library, there’s so much you could engage in and discover. Once a month, devote some time to discovery and add to your toolbox of skills with something different. Invest in yourself.
Say no. Turning things down or saying no to things you don’t want to do isn’t mean or disrespectful. In order to fully live YOUR best life, you have to stop being a people pleaser and doing things simply only for the sake of other people. This is draining and unhealthy.
Make a list of things you will not tolerate in any relationship. In order to nurture and grow the relationships you need in your life, you have to first make a note of what isn’t right or meant for you.
Always be true to you. Society, culture, family, friends, partners, they will all try to have an opinion of who and what you should be. Never let anyone try to force you to be anything less than who and what you are.
Stop caring what other people think about you- it’s not your problem. Focusing on what others think of you is an added pressure and stress that no one really needs. Its difficult to stop caring, but doable.
Become best friends with feeling uncomfortable. If you’re not stepping outside the familiar, you’re doing it wrong. The best things happen when you go outside of your comfort zone. This is how you grow, and growth is necessary.
Stop second guessing and overthinking things because you need them to be perfect. Perfect doesn’t exist for anyone. No, the girl on Instagram doesn’t have a perfect life. No, that person doesn’t have the perfect job. There are ups and downs to everything. Release the notion that you have to wait for perfect. Instead, go out there and build the life you want.
Stop telling yourself you’re too busy. You’re not. No one is. We make time for the things that are truly important to us. So if you keep procrastinating on something because “you’re too busy”, you really just don’t think it’s important enough for you. Analyze your priorities and pay attention to the things and people you keep putting off.
Put yourself first. Self-love is not selfish. Focusing on your goals and dreams is not selfish, it’s smart and necessary. If you don’t treat yourself right, the universe won’t either.
Stop feeding into negative thoughts. Those anxious thoughts telling you that you’re not enough or won’t make it? They’re just thoughts. Replace them with positive affirmations. Write a love letter and a thank you note to yourself. If you put positivity out into the universe, the universe will deliver positivity back to you.
Visualize. Put your dreams out into the universe and manifest them into reality. If you only focus on what could go wrong, then that’s all you’re going to get in return.
Don’t let your job be the most important thing in your life. There is more to you than just your job description and title.
Never settle. The minute you settle for less, because it’s easy or because someone told you so, you’re telling the world that you are okay receiving less than what you deserve. Always aim high and keep your priorities and standards in check.
Do not shrink or hide for the sake of someone else’s comfort. Be you, unapologetically.
Take it easy on the timeline. Everyone goes through life at their own pace. Don’t compare your journey to anyone else’s and forgive yourself if you’re not yet where you want to be.
Celebrate all the victories, including the small ones.
Know that things happen when you stop waiting and start doing.
Even though you might feel like you cannot afford to rest, even though there is a lot of pressure being put on you, even though you want to spend your time making productive leaps toward your dreams, you cannot keep moving until you collapse.
You are allowed to slow down. You are allowed to take a break every once in a while. You are allowed to breathe.
Letting yourself relax for the first time in a long time does not mean you are being lazy. It does not mean you are slacking and do not deserve to reach success. It means you are self-aware and self-loving.
It doesn’t matter how desperately you want to reach your dreams. Sometimes, the answer is not to force yourself to go-go-go. Sometimes, you have to rest today if you want to be on your A-game tomorrow.
Even though it feels like you have a million different things to get done and a million people you could disappoint, do not fight through your mental or physical exhaustion. Do not push yourself passed your limits. Do not fall off the ledge.
You need to take care of yourself first. Your sanity comes before your work.
If you go without a rest for too long, if you end up reaching a point where you snap because you cannot take such a jam-packed schedule anymore, then you are going to suffer a setback and you are going to have an even longer recovery period than you would if you gave yourself a break today.
Instead of waiting until the last possible second to give a shit about yourself, schedule me-time every week. Make sure you have at least a few hours, or even an entire day, to unwind from the stress you have been under.
You have accomplished so much more than you realize, so stop telling yourself you are not good enough. Stop acting like you have not earned a rest. You have.
Turn off your email notifications. Put down your pencil. Close your textbooks. Give yourself permission to enjoy the rest of the day. Not everything has to be done right this second. The world is not going to end if you ‘waste’ one day.
Except, that is the thing. You should not think of pampering yourself as a waste. You should not think of self-care as a waste. You should think of it as a necessity.
Yes, reaching success requires effort. Yes, you have to do a lot of work if you want to make something of yourself. No, you cannot become lazy — but taking a break every once in a while does not make you lazy. You are allowed to sleep extra. You are allowed to binge watch a series. You are allowed to have fun — or do absolutely nothing at all. You should not feel guilty about days like that.
You might care about your work more than anything, but your priorities need to shift if you want to live your dream life. You need to start caring about yourself more than everything else. The rest can take (a close) second.