This Is Your 30 Day Healing Challenge—It’s Time To Move On And Let Go For Good

To be adapted and repeated for as long and as often as needed. It’s your journey – how you take it is entirely up to you.

Day 1: Name Your Pain

Take your time with that one, and be extremely specific. Don’t worry if you have to start a few times over if you have to tear out pages and cover them with ink blotches and arrows. The main point is to have your story out, for you to have a name for what causes you anguish. “The thing that happened in high school” is too big and nebulous to move on from; “letting go of the voices of my bullies”, on the other hand, is something to work with.

Day 2: Set Your Intentions

Try to whittle it down to a single sentence, but if you need more space, that’s fine too. At this point, you’ve been living with this pain enough to be sick of it. You know that letting go of it will have a positive impact on your life. Write down what it is that you want to let go of and why, then stick it somewhere you will see it every day: Your fridge, your night table, the front cover of your journal; set it as your desktop, your screensaver, set an automatic email to come to you every morning, whatever works. Just make sure you have a regular reminder of why you’re doing this and what you are letting go of.

Day 3-5: Take Stock

There’s probably a tonne of things in your life that remind you of whatever it is you’re trying to move on from. Some of it may be obvious – here’s that knick-knack she got me, or this picture from a tournament he took me to – some of it may be less so, like how hard you work to please everyone. Reminders of a person, or an event, may come tumbling in front of you like dusty candy in a coat pocket for weeks to come – what’s important now is to figure out where the bulk of it is. Think of it as a scavenger hunt, and make a list of all the reminders in your life – take a few days to comb through your house, your car, and finally, your habits, and locate those dusty candies so that you’re ready for the next step.

Day 6: Enlist Help

Find your meanest friend – the one who liked him the least, or the one who told you she did not deserve you – and tell them what you’re doing. Be specific – use your script from day 2 if you have to. “I’m on a mission to reclaim my (head)space so that I can finally direct my energies onto healing. Will you help?” You don’t have to scream it from the rooftops or round up your whole coterie – at this stage, you need only one or two people. What is important is this: They need to love you, and they need to be merciless.

Day 7-8: Purge Your Physical Space

If there was ever a perfect excuse to do the full Marie Kondo, this is it. Have your mean friends on hand, put on some appropriate music (fun fact: according to Bruce Dickinson’s biography, Iron Maiden never released a proper love song) and then let the recycling extravaganza begin. If you can’t bring yourself to throw physical mementos away, stick them in a box for your friends to store (where you have no access), or put it in a donations bin. Don’t let yourself ruminate – the only questions you need to ask are: “Can this be used by another human being?” And, occasionally, “Would I need this in the future?” (Think Legal documents and professional qualifications.) Your friends will help give you a reality check – you don’t need to throw away a teddy bear if someone else can use it, but you equally don’t need to shred your Masters Degree if it reminds you of your controlling relative.

Day 9: The Dust Bunnies Will Run For Their Lives

Fact: tidying up makes a mess. Take this time to clean up your home, launder your clothes, scrub the toilet, banish the old spices from your cupboards, the works. Can you do that the previous two days? Sure. But I would advise against it. Firstly, your friends came to banish the ghosts from your head, not the grease stains from the kitchen, which is arguably not as fun. Secondly, being alone in a newly tidied house can make you antsy. No better way to get rid of that extra energy than to dust every nook and cranny of your home, and sending the dust bunnies running.

Day 10: Make Two Lists

Grab a piece of paper. On one side, write down a list of “Things that drove you up the wall about (the thing you want to move on from)”. On the other, write a bunch of thoughts, people, and activities that you liked, and that the person you’re healing after would absolutely DESPISE. Pick three things from the second list and research the ones nearest to you. What are they about? How much effort would they require? How much do they cost?

Day 11: Make A Plan

Pick one of the three things you researched the previous day and make a plan to do it within the week. Commit to it – pick up the phone, put down the card detail, ask your mean friend to take you there under pain of social media roasting. Be mindful of your budget, of course, as well as how much energy you can spare after work and helping your loved ones. But also, you need new passions in your life. If you feel hesitant, remember the first list you made yesterday, and remember that this is something purely for you.

Day 12-14: Adulting Stuff

Chances are if your mind and soul is hurting, your body wasn’t doing too great either. Are you getting enough sleep? Are you eating food that you find delicious? Have you got the bills and budget down pat, so that you don’t have to scramble to pay anything at the end of the month? Run through those things while you’re still on a high from doing the thing the person who hurt you would hate so that you can tick off all you procrastinate over. Dentist checks? Doctor checks? Nobody loves them, but get them done as much as possible now so that you can have 12 months of not having to worry about it.

Day 15: Forecast Of An Emotional Storm

It’s been two weeks since the challenge started, and you’ve accomplished so much! You wanna pat yourself on the back, except… your dentist found a cavity, or you pap smear was due, and even though everything went off without a hitch and you are fine now, you’re probably feeling a little bit raw. You can’t find your favorite comfy sweater and you remember it was a gift from That Person, and it just reminds you how kind and comforting they were, and why did you bother in the first place…

You may want to be mean to yourself, or else call the whole project off. What I’d like to invite you to do instead is putting your phone away and letting yourself have a nice, big cry about it. (Or shout and punch a pillow. Or turn up your music and scream along to Lorde. Whatever mood strikes you.) Take as long as you need, until the emotion has spent itself.

Day 16: Read Back Your Intentions

The previous day might have left you with an emotional (and a real) hangover. For recovery, take your story from day 1, and your intention from day 2. Reread both, taking your time to let the words sink in. Notice the anguish in your voice, the difficulty in writing the words. Cry a bit again, if you have to.

Here’s the tea: chances are, it was not all that bad. It’s human to feel sad, to remember the good times, to wonder if you weren’t the one in the wrong after all. Times like these, it’s okay to feel sad; but it’s also important to remember exactly why you needed to get away, to let go, and to heal. Specificity helps us parse out the good from the bad; it lets us acknowledge the happy times existed AS WELL as the bad ones. It’s not either/or: it was both, and the bad stuff made you want to leave.

Day 17: Make Another List

Write out a list of your achievements. Then write out a list of reasons why you, objectively, achieved them. Think: Master’s Degree – you worked hard, you did your research, you were passionate about the subject, you helped others, etc. Don’t be tempted to editorialize, aka “I only got it because the teacher liked me”. You got it because you worked for it. Make a list and put it near your intentions from Day 2, so that whenever you want to call yourself lazy or stupid, you’ve got a rebuke right there, on your eye level.

Day 18-20: Start Habits That Make You Happy

Remember that activity you tried earlier? On day 11 even? Did you like it? Did you want to do it again? If not, what would you like to do instead? What would make you excited to get out of bed in the morning? Starting new habits, hobbies, or re-focusing your energy on things that you were passionate about but let go of; these are all ways for you to remind yourself of your own power.

Day 21: Check In With Your Friends

Your mean friends may want to get rid of the stuff they stored for you, but they likely won’t until you say so. Have a nice catch-up, a roast, or just a day/night out with friends. Check in with yourself after that night is over – how do you feel now that you’re starting new things and looking after your body? How does spending time with your people feel like? Do you want to do more?

Day 22-23: Rescind Your Invitation To Emotional Vampires

By now, you’re probably seeing glimpses of your old self. Depending on how much time has passed, you’re either taking baby steps forward, or you are repeating self-healing steps that helped you in the past, and you are coming into your superpowers. Time to examine your friend group: Who are your allies in your quest for healing? Who are suddenly disinterested in you, now that you’re no longer miserable? Are they happy to see you improve, or are they forcing you to remember bad times?

In the past, you may have held onto the wishy-washy and the jerks because you had no-one else. Or, maybe they were just okay, but now you see you just hang out because of habit. Either way – there’s no harm in seeing people you like one-to-one, and “losing” the numbers of those you don’t.

Day 24: Cloudy With A Chance Of Boredom

Most self-healing is done quietly, alongside your daily life. You go to work, you come home. You fix the same food you always have, do the same things to unwind. Once the drama of the initial few days has settled and you have made self-asserting boundaries part of daily practice, you’ll find life becoming routine… even boring.

Remember: boredom is good. Boredom means the worst of your worries can be taken care of later, and that you are no longer living in a constant state of crisis. Yes, it’s not nearly as exciting, but it’s also self-protective and self-loving.

Day 25: Brace Yourself For A Surprise Storm

Remember those dust candies tumbling out of pockets? Or those emotional vampires you just banished? There’s a chance a few of them might pop out: a song comes onto your playlist that you forgot to purge, or some “friend” lets your ex have your new phone “accidentally”. Have your mean friends’ on speed dial, or plan for a few extra new and exciting things to do. Or clean up your house again, or run one more mile… whatever works to keep you occupied until the urge to call back has passed. Check-in with your intentions if you have to.

Day 26: Acknowledge You Got Through

So you survived the storm. Even if you gave in and returned the call, met the person for a drink, ate whatever shit they served you… you’re here. You may be rattled, but you got through. Meanwhile, if you didn’t give in, you may be wondering if it was a fluke. Pat yourself in the back either way. Your worst nightmare may be to return to the bad situation, but as long as you are here today, there is hope. Remind yourself that you are human, apologize if you have to, and resolve to keep doing the right thing. Next time, you’ll know better.

Day 27: Two Final Lists For You

Remember how tempted you were to ruminate about Those Good Times? Now you have a chance to – write down all the good about the person and the situation, or what you perceived to be good about it. Be specific. Once that’s done, turn the page. List out all the good that wasn’t there, but that you wanted to have, that you wish you can have. Take as long as you need, and be as extravagant as you want.

The first list is what you got out of the bad situation, the stuff that kept you stuck. The second list is what you want, what you could have ON TOP of the good stuff from before… but without all the bad.

Day 28: Allow A Private Moment Of Grace

Maybe you’re still feeling dubious or rattled. Maybe you think that your perception of the situation was wrong, or at the very least you need to acknowledge the good that the other person did for you. This day is your permission to do it – in PRIVATE.

Write a letter, listing out all those good things the other person did, and thank them for the ones they genuinely, honestly did to help you. What this means is, don’t thank them for every gift that came with strings, or the stuff that they did because it reflected well on them. Don’t thank them for supporting your studies if they constantly rubbed it in your face, or for raising your kids if they used that as a justification to cheat.

Thank them for the true moments of selflessness, for the honesty, for the support. You may still end up with a nice letter, but chances are, it will be a lot shorter than you think. Once you’re done, stick it in a drawer and don’t send it. Like with other times you exerted a special effort, the recipient is likely not to appreciate it as much as you would.

Day 29: Put It All Together

The lists, the letters, the intentions, the story. Put it in one place and look at it as a whole. The “good” list that seems excessive compared to the things that actually merited thanks; the qualities you undermined in yourself, the dreams you set aside while you settled for crumbs; the nonsense you tolerated and that you will not miss. What you have is a roadmap to the future – it’s not foolproof or anything like that, but it’s a start. You know what you want, what you need, what you deserve; what you won’t settle for, what is worthy of gratitude, and what is just a gift with strings attached. Smile. You know yourself better now.

Day 30: Keep Going

Writing your future happens every day. Sometimes you will have to repeat old steps, just to remind yourself of your power. Some things might set you back – that’s okay. The important bit is to keep going, to work hard, and to resolve to always do better.

You’ve got what it takes to move on and heal. Don’t stop.

Don’t ever stop.

My Anxiety Does Not Need To Break Me

I’m anxious not broken.

Some people walk on eggshells around me. I can see it when they move, their feet softly hitting the ground, hoping not to upset me or scare me in any way. I’m not a fragile bird with a broken wing that is going to ask you to help me. I don’t need your help. Stop walking around me as I’m going to shatter with any sudden movements.

I’m not broken. I’m not cracked. I am a flawed human being trying to make it like everyone else is.

I don’t want to be treated like a child who’s scared of the dark. I don’t want to be cooed at so I don’t cry in the middle of having an anxiety attack. I need you to let me freak the fuck out for two seconds. I promise you, I won’t be mad at you when I collect myself but I need you to back the fuck up. My anxiety isn’t something you can fix with your careful petting. My anxiety isn’t going to deem itself unfit and just leave. My anxiety does not affect you so stop acting like it does. Let me be an anxious mess.

Let me cry a bit.

My anxiety didn’t break me. It’s not going to. If anything, it put me back together after other things broke me.

My anxiety gave me a reason to be more aware of myself and less aware of you. I know it sounds harsh but it’s true. My anxiety taught me that sometimes I need to focus on myself FOR MYSELF.

You have the choice of walking away from me.

As do I. And if you do, that’s your loss.

And if I do, well it’s my loss too.

So let me ask, I’m okay with my anxiety, are you?

This Is What It Means To Heal

I used to think healing was simply getting over someone that hurt you or did you wrong. I thought it was just moving on and forgetting. Like the person didn’t happen at all. An un tag. An unfollow. Deleting them as a friend. That’s how you are supposed to heal right? But the truth is healing isn’t about forgetting the person. It isn’t about trying to forget the memories that used to make you smile. Healing isn’t just growing silent when it comes to talking about them because your friends are tired of healing it.

Healing is acknowledging the fact that the person mattered. That you had a history that isn’t worth forgetting. Healing is about moving on at your own pace not when someone tells you, you should be over it. Healing is about waking up every single day and knowing it’s okay to look back. It’s okay to reach for your phone hoping you hear from them. It’s okay that you haven’t healed yet. Because healing is a process. Healing takes time. And the truth is even when you’ve moved on and you’re dating someone new there are going to be moments that hit you, where you miss them.

Healing is understanding your pain. Respecting your pain. Looking it dead in the eyes and understanding why you feel the way you do. It’s analyzing things and replaying scenarios but one day it hits you XYZ is why it didn’t work out.

It’s having that day where even if they did come back you wouldn’t choose them again. Healing isn’t forgetting. It isn’t as simple as forgiving them either. It’s forgiving yourself too. It’s taking a hard look at the person you were in the relationship and finding areas you could improve in the next relationship. It’s understanding even someone you swore you loved might not be meant for you.

Healing is moving past that initial anger and just wanting them to be happy even if it’s without you. It’s someone saying their name and you don’t cringe. It’s your best friend talking about them and you don’t have anything bad or negative to say. Healing is the respect you have for yourself and your ex because even if it did end, that doesn’t erase your history.

Healing is beginning to date again and not comparing their best to someone new. It’s realizing that things didn’t work for a reason and you can’t be hung up on it. It’s watching them move on and being okay with that pain at first but then moving forward yourself and not clinging to it.

Healing is when you see them out and you don’t have to leave. When civil conversations don’t make you angry. When seeing them post something might make you miss them for a moment but you don’t dwell anymore.

Healing is allowing all those ugly emotions to get flushed out of your system instead of harboring them there. It’s letting go when you’re ready. On your own agenda.

Then you take that next small step. You start dating when you’re ready. When you’re able to give someone your best. When falling for them is genuine and not because you are lonely.

Healing is a process. A process we sometimes feel guilty for as emotions we don’t like come to the surface. But it’s those emotions that are essential to moving on.

Then you move on and you realize every person we’ve ever loved we take with us and they are never really gone or that far when their memory leaves an imprint on our heart.

Transforming Your Pain into Power and Purpose

I believe that every single one of us has a unique gift and task that we came here to accomplish.

When you move inward and make the deliberate decision to heal in mind, body and spirit, you create space in your conscious mind to discover what this is. Your life experiences are the puzzle pieces leading you to a higher path. Unfortunately, for many of us, these pieces will go unnoticed because of the powerful distractions our ego-mind has found comfort in.

Most of us consciously and unconsciously choose to avoid pain. We try to drown it out with any distraction we can; scrolling through social media, snacking, binge-watching Netflix, gossiping or using drugs and alcohol to escape the “mundane-reality” of day to day life.

Others find comfort within the pain and continue to reopen their wounds over and over again without ever truly going deep enough to heal them. They tell the same heartbreaking story again and again because their pain has taken over their ego identity. Instead of using the pain as a stepping stone to improve their life, they have allowed it to define their place in the world. Rather than transforming their pain into purpose, they have allowed their purpose in life to be their pain.

Underneath the pain you are carrying is the key to this deeper understanding of your soul. Within you, you hold all the wisdom, power, and clarity you need to move into your higher path and purpose.

What kind of pain are you transforming?

Pain from your childhood, heartbreak, abandonment, loneliness, longing? 

While your pain is unique to you, we are all one, and we all hurt. Every human being suffers; it is a critical component of our human experience. The good news is, we all have the power within us to transform any suffering, pain, and fear into the powerful energy of healing and love. This is the energy that supports you in receiving all of the goodness you’ve been calling into your life.

Collectively, I believe our goal is to raise the vibrations and consciousness of humanity. In other words – to change the world.

We do this by transforming our pain individually. This then allows us to become a leading light to help spark the fire of change in others.

Pain is your teacher and holds a great purpose. You must be willing to face the discomfort. Feel the pain, and learn the lessons you are meant to learn to discover the gifts hidden within them. Every painful experience you overcome is an opportunity to transform. You can shift the low vibrational, dense energy into the higher vibrations of love, abundance, peace, and freedom.

Our ego often leads us to believe that no one else can understand our pain. It convinces us that we are alone in our suffering.

This type of thinking allows pain to create a further disconnect between us.

The truth is, our suffering has the potential to bring us closer together as one. Through overcoming challenges, we have an opportunity to move towards a more collective state of consciousness. When you make the conscious choice to heal from the past and learn from your pain, you expand in your capacity to empathize, love and have compassion for others. You’re now able to understand the heartbreak someone else could be feeling because you have fully endured it yourself. You can now put yourself in the shoes of their experience, and see beyond yourself, beyond your suffering. Knowing that healing is possible, you can now help another person by inspiring them with what is possible when you turn your pain into power.

Whatever your experiences have been, and whatever your suffering, please know that you are not alone. Your pain is serving a powerful purpose. This was all part of your plan. You are strong enough to overcome it, but it takes patience and courage to face the darkness and transform it into light.

For many of us, this initial sadness stems from childhood, a time when we were too small to deal with our hurt. Because of this, we have become so good at avoiding and covering up the pain that we’ve forgotten it even exists – but it is there. You carry it around with you everywhere you go, and it is not going to go away until you confront it.

There are many things you can do to support your mind, body and soul in this healing journey such as

Self Reflection & Healing Support Strategies 

Discovering who you are, beyond your thoughts, is a game-changer. When you begin to notice how many of your thoughts are fueled by negativity and fear, in an attempt to keep you “safe” from your pain, you’ll gain the strength and momentum you need to heal. The good news is that thoughts are just thoughts; they are not who you are. With awareness, compassion and kindness towards yourself, along with your healing, you can begin to change them.

Meditation & Mindfulness

Our minds are created to think and think and think, but sometimes we need to give it a little break to get the answers we’re looking for. Even just practicing mindfulness and meditation for two minutes a day can be life-changing. Try not to get caught up in the “I don’t know how to meditate” or “I can’t do it.” The purpose is not to stop your thoughts; it’s to become aware of them. You will do this by shifting your focus back to your breath over and over again, perhaps even hundreds of times in a single meditation.

Journaling

You can write about feeling stuck. Create a list of what you have to be grateful for. Or reflect on an experience from the past. Try not to overthink it; write whatever is coming through to you. There is no wrong way to journal.

Some questions you may want to reflect on to get you started;

“What is my ego-mind trying to protect me from?”

“When did I first start forgetting about my power?”

“What is the next best step I should take in my healing journey?”

Turning off Electronics

Simply unplugging from your phone and other electronic devices can help you quiet down the noise and distractions of the outside world to connect with your world within.

Inner Child Work

Many people are unaware that most of their pain and trauma stems from childhood. This is why working with and healing your inner child is so transformational. Quantum physics has proven that time is not linear, which means that you have the power to heal the child within you now, thus changing your current situation in more ways than you can imagine.

Recognize Your Ego-Comfort Distractions

Where does your ego run to when your feeling uncomfortable? Snacks, exes, drama, Instagram? As soon as you recognize your comfort coping strategies, you can begin to bring your pain into your conscious mind by getting curious as to what’s fuelling the escape.

Get Support With Healing

Healing is the ultimate tool for taking ownership of your life and transforming it for the better. It’s essential to recognize when it’s time to reach out for additional support. We’re all in this together to support one another on our journey. You are never alone.

Whatever happened in the past is in the past. All that we have right now is this moment, and it is at this moment that you can choose to create a new path for yourself in the future. You are not a victim of your circumstances. You’re not a slave to your mind. You are the creator of your reality, and you can choose to live whatever life you desire to live.

Transform your life from the inside out and create a life you LOVE.

With lots of love and healing vibes, 

Elle XO

For The Girl Who Doesn’t Know Her Worth

I have seen your forgiving heart.
I have seen your grace.

I have seen you be selfless so many times, giving all your love to the ones closest to you, and even to strangers. I have seen you smile on your worst days, and find the strength to keep on giving, even when you can barely lift your head.

You are incredibly beautiful, inside and out, never giving up on the ones you love, even when you’re exhausted by the world.

I watch you, day after day, pick up the chipped pieces of yourself and stick them together with a tape that’s barely strong enough to get you through the next night.

Yet you continue.

You give your heart to people who don’t see your beauty through the brokenness. You console and comfort friends who do not understand the power of your care, your forgiveness.

You surround yourself with people that you need to fix, with people that you must work to love. But even when you fall into your bed at the end of each night, you don’t see what an incredible difference you’ve made.

You think that you deserve the cold words, the turned faces. You think you deserve friends that pull away and men who don’t love you back.

You somehow turn everything back to yourself, and wonder if you’ll ever be good enough.

Well you are good enough.
You’re more than enough.

I wish I could tell you that you are noticed. That the wonderful, little ways you brighten people’s lives are important. Are valued. I wish I could tell you that your eyes sparkle and bring life to ones’ whose days feel dull and empty. That your smile lifts people from their anger. That your laugh makes those around you want to close their eyes and lean their heads back to bask in the sweet sound.

I wish I could tell you that God has made you perfect, just as you are—a fighter, a sinner, a flawed and broken and beautiful warrior of love.

I wish I could tell you to keep loving, even when the world looks the other way.

I wish I could tell you that sometimes you give your heart to people who don’t deserve it, in love or in friendship, and it becomes a hard lesson learned.

I wish I could tell you that you must never accept a half-love, a love that is nowhere near the amount you give.

I wish I could tell you that you are a blessing to so many people.
And that you need to bless yourself sometimes.

I wish I could tell you that life will be so hard, but you must keep on living. That you must find reasons to celebrate, to pull strength, to stay pure, even when people hurt you.

I wish I could tell you that you will face so much pain, but you cannot let it break you. You must find a way to see yourself, your worth, and know that you are an important part of this world.

I wish I could tell you that you matter.
And you are loved.

10 Little Reminders When You Feel Like You’re Losing Your Battle With Anxiety

1. You are not and will never be alone.

Maybe your family is far away. Maybe you’re living on your own. Maybe you truly do feel like no one is with you and no one hears you. You’re wrong. I’m here. I’m listening.

2. Your life isn’t nearly as bad as your anxiety is.

Your anxiety has a nasty habit of giving you a heightened sense of panic. It’s just a bad few minutes. Find an empty room, a bathroom stall, a closet–it doesn’t have to be pretty. Just find one, and take a moment to breathe, and you’ll realize that life isn’t nearly as bad as it feels right now.

3. Every tiny victory is one you can use to help someone else.

There’s one thing I always told myself when I was having a rough day, and that was this: every tiny victory, no matter how small it is, is a chance to help someone else. I’ve been on the edge, and I’ll take every opportunity to talk the next person off it.

4. There’s always someone to talk to. You get have to raise your head and take a look around.

There’s always someone there. For me, it was the one lonely star outside my window. I could see it just peek out from behind the trees every night. It was what I talked to. It was always there. You’ll get there too. You’ll find someone that understands, and you’ll realize that they are just a phone call away.

5. Realize the world is so big and there are so many things left for you to do.

You will survive this day. You will go on to do all the great things that I know you can do. You will make it. I know it.

6. The rest of the world doesn’t see your crippling anxiety, they see your beautiful smile.

You’re going to have to learn to show it more often. It sure is beautiful.

7. You always somehow end up surviving.

Funny how that works. Even when you feel like you’re going to die, even when you’ve given all you can give, even when you’re so close to breaking that you can see the fault lines–we always somehow survive.

8. You are so much more than just your anxiety.

You are a sister or brother, a daughter or son, a friend, a mentor. You are somebody’s everything. Someone wakes up every morning thanking God you’re in their life. Keep it that way.

9. Don’t let it label you.

You aren’t simply what your anxiety tells you to be. You are better than it. You can overcome it. You can be so much more than just a list of symptoms. You just have to believe in yourself.

10. Don’t go. You have so much left to teach us.

This world needs you. It’s not your time just yet.

You Are Better Than Your Worst Days, You Are Stronger Than Your Weakest Moments

Stop sitting up at night, replaying all of your awkward moments in your head. Stop thinking about the ways you have screwed up in the past. Stop selling yourself short, because you are better than your worst days.

Everyone has said things they aren’t proud of saying. Everyone has done things they wish they could erase from their mind. Everyone has regrets about what they have done and what they have failed to do.

You can’t let your worst moments define you. Failing once does not mean you are going to fail every other time you put yourself out there. It does not mean you should give up and go home.

If one person rejects you, that does not mean you should stop dating forever. If one boss fires you, that does not mean you should stop working forever. It does not mean you should throw up your hands and say you tried your hardest but it wasn’t good enough. You have to dust yourself off and take another shot.

You can’t let your doubts stall you. You can’t hide yourself away in your bedroom because you’re worried about history repeating itself.

Whenever something goes wrong, you have to try again. You have to give it another go. You have to work your ass off to get where you want to end up.

Don’t let one bad experience convince you to give up on yourself. Don’t let your insecurities chew away your desire to chase your dreams. 

You have to keep in mind that you are better than your worst days. You are stronger than you will ever admit to yourself. You might not see how powerful you are, but ask one of your friends and see what they have to say. They are sure to raise your spirits, raise your hopes, and raise your expectations for yourself.

You are doing better than you give yourself credit for, so stop hating yourself when you should be loving yourself.

You are strong, even when you break down in tears. You are beautiful, even when you feel too gross to leave the house. You are going to make something of yourself, even though you feel like you keep screwing up every opportunity that comes your way.

One day, everything will fall into place. Not because the universe owes you something. Because you are going to work your ass off until it happens.

You have the courage. You have the dedication. You just can’t give up on yourself, even when you are tempted to stop trying.

No matter how hard life becomes, stop acting like the world is against you, because the world is in the palm of your hand. You can do whatever you set your heart on — it just won’t happen overnight. It takes time. Patience. Effort.

If you want something, you can get it. You can make it happen as long as you never forget that you are better than your worst days. You are stronger than your weakest moments. 

Hold On Babe —You’re Worth It

The struggle can be real…so real that you can’t stand it. So real that you can’t stand up because you feel stuck. Stuck in depression, desperation, despair. I want you to know, it’s NOT in your head. It doesn’t define you. You can and will move forward.

Give yourself the grace and mercy to feel what you’re feeling. The pain you’ve felt is not a mere story you tell yourself. It’s easy for others to dismiss it as such but you know what you feel isn’t just a story. It consumes you like a hungry fire, searching for oxygen, enveloping you in the pain of living. On these days, living, breathing, simple tasks like opening your eyes, can be difficult and doesn’t seem worth it. I know that feeling. I’ve been in that space. You are not alone and there’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t allow anyone to tell you that you can’t feel this hurt. But allow yourself to have the hope that you can rise again from this.

It’s not easy to hold on to hope when you feel your life slipping from your grasp. But dig your nails in and swing from its ledge. It will not crumble and let you fall. Hold on to the belief that things can change. That they WILL change. Whether you believe in something higher than yourself (God, the Universe, a Creator of some sort, etc), or whether you simply believe in yourself, hold on to that belief that you are worthy of being saved. Even if the only one to save you is yourself. Even in the darkness, where it’s hardest to believe this, when it’s hardest to believe because the pain is so thick, I beg you to hold on anyway because you are worth the effort. You are worth fighting for.

I hope you know that your space in this world matters. If you don’t believe anything else, know that. You are worthy simply because you are here. You are the personification of unabashed effort, faith and love. You can get through the darkest of hours to reach your clearing where peace resides. A peace that not only surpasses all understanding, but can replace the pain that you have felt for so long that you don’t know that there’s another, better way. Know that you are worth holding on to and for. You are worth the time you need to take for your mercy, grace, sanity…you are worth having the time you need to see your worthiness. And you are worth the journey it takes to get to your peace.

On your darkest days…in your darkest hours…hold on my dear. Your time is coming.

Find The Beauty In Your Breakdown

How much of life is about putting on a brave face and getting on with it? As human beings, we master the art of “keeping going” very young. In time it becomes more and more natural for us to surrender to the demands of society and adulthood, because that is simply just what we do. It’s what we’ve always done. It’s how we survive. We keep on keeping on- for our bosses, our parents, our partners, and ourselves.

However, the brain is not designed to sustain this constant state of “go”. The conscious mind is so reluctant to discomfort that we begin to suppress, avoid, and/or ignore things that we shouldn’t to protect the flow of our daily routines. These seemingly little things we tuck away will continue to snowball over time, until eventually, all of those pent-up emotions and frustrations can no longer be contained. We break, and it feels like the ultimate calamity. This spontaneous combustion may leave us unable to get out of bed, or it may influence us to partake in risky/reckless behaviors. Regardless of how a “breakdown” may present itself, it is important to recognize that it is actually just an inarticulate bid for health. It is not the end of the world as it seems, but rather an extreme attempt by one part of our minds to force the other into a process of growth, self-understanding, and self-development.

So I am urging you to listen. Embrace those feelings of hopelessness, but rather than letting them consume you, dissect their cause. Remind yourself they are temporary; your brain has just exhausted its ability to choose one conscious thought over another. It is craving relief that only you can provide by making those necessary changes that once seemed so inconvenient. Prioritize yourself. Slow down. Cut ties with the people and the things in your life that are causing unnecessary stress. Have those hard conversations you’ve been putting off for so long. Make sure you are allowing your body and your mind enough time to rest, and fuelling them with the proper nutrients to promote maximum functionality. Ask for help. The reason we break, is because we choose not to flex.

Acknowledge your struggles, and adapt accordingly. The beauty in your breakdown will be the breakthrough that follows.

9 Little Dos And Don’ts For Living With Anxiety

At 23-years-old, I have now only just started to live my life for the very first time. Everything before was such a blur. Every sight, sound, touch, smell, and taste was only something I had heard of. Every experience was mediocre. Life was bland. There was no substance. There was no sense.

It’s hard to put these feelings into words, but I will try. The best way I can describe anxiety is going through each day feeling as if you’re underwater. Nothing is clear. All of your senses lack functioning. You’re overstimulated, and the only thing you can do is shut down. There have been soo many endless days of crying. It became my outlet. I allowed myself to feel, to be vulnerable.

Anxiety is something that is all too familiar to me. Since the age of six, it has haunted me. It has controlled me, and it has torn me down more than once. It didn’t come alone though. It came hand in hand, like peanut butter and jelly, with depression.

Depression. You know that rainy day that feels like it’s never going to end? Your mood is sad. You’re exhausted. You can’t get out of bed? It’s like that, only times 1,000! It’s not just one day, two days, or even three. Sometimes, it lasts for months, sometimes years. You start to become a sucky person, flaky, insensitive and just overall a buzz kill. Not yourself.

From ages six to 23, until the day I hit rock bottom and had no other choice but up, anxiety robbed me of my freedom. I’ve been to dark places. Imagine if you must. Never physically hurting myself, but I’ve sunk into a few deep black holes where scary thoughts laughed at me while I wept.

Anxiety disorders are extremely debilitating. No, I couldn’t just stop worrying. No, I couldn’t just relax or just breathe. I couldn’t just get over it. Trust me, I wish I could, but I couldn’t.

This is one of my many but not my last attempt at describing anxiety. My mission is to educate those who are dealing with it and who have loved ones who struggle with it. There is help, and there is hope. I’m so thankful this experience has allowed me to turn my mess into a message.

Here’s what I have learned to be the do’s and don’ts of anxiety:

1. Do speak to someone! 

Anyone, a friend, a therapist, your significant other, or even me!

2. Don’t think it’ll just pass on its own. 

Sometimes we put way too much pressure on ourselves, thinking we can fix everything. It’s OK to ask for some help every now and again.

3. Do everything possible to try to stay positive. 

Show gratitude. Show compassion. Surround yourself with loved ones. Journal. Meditate. Anything can create even the slightest glimmer of hope!

4. Don’t compare yourself to others. 

Not on Facebook. Not on Instagram. Not in the magazines. Not in real life. Trust me! If everyone threw their problems into a pile, then you would act fast to grab yours right back. Just saying…

5. Do redirect your thoughts.

Distract yourself. As soon as a negative thought attacks, be prepared. Think happy. Like I said, anything is better than nothing when it comes to overcoming adversities. I have had my fair share of struggles that I honestly came to breaking point at one point so trust me when I say that I honestly was ready to do anything and everything to regain my life!

6. Don’t forget: Out of your vulnerabilities, will come your strength.

7. Do what feels good to YOU. 

8. Don’t be embarrassed to see a therapist. 

Here are a few sentences from a book I recently read and really found helpful when I was going through my funk: “No study has ever suggested that people in therapy are, on average, more troubled or demoralized than people who are not in therapy. Rather, they tend to be distinguished by the fact that they have chosen to confront the problems of poor self-esteem and inadequate contact with the self. They, thereby, offer us an opportunity to learn of a great deal about the psychological condition of the general population.”

9. Don’t forget to simply just be.

Be self-aware. Be present. Be yourself.