For The Girl Who Doesn’t Know Her Worth

I have seen your forgiving heart.
I have seen your grace.

I have seen you be selfless so many times, giving all your love to the ones closest to you, and even to strangers. I have seen you smile on your worst days, and find the strength to keep on giving, even when you can barely lift your head.

You are incredibly beautiful, inside and out, never giving up on the ones you love, even when you’re exhausted by the world.

I watch you, day after day, pick up the chipped pieces of yourself and stick them together with a tape that’s barely strong enough to get you through the next night.

Yet you continue.

You give your heart to people who don’t see your beauty through the brokenness. You console and comfort friends who do not understand the power of your care, your forgiveness.

You surround yourself with people that you need to fix, with people that you must work to love. But even when you fall into your bed at the end of each night, you don’t see what an incredible difference you’ve made.

You think that you deserve the cold words, the turned faces. You think you deserve friends that pull away and men who don’t love you back.

You somehow turn everything back to yourself, and wonder if you’ll ever be good enough.

Well you are good enough.
You’re more than enough.

I wish I could tell you that you are noticed. That the wonderful, little ways you brighten people’s lives are important. Are valued. I wish I could tell you that your eyes sparkle and bring life to ones’ whose days feel dull and empty. That your smile lifts people from their anger. That your laugh makes those around you want to close their eyes and lean their heads back to bask in the sweet sound.

I wish I could tell you that God has made you perfect, just as you are—a fighter, a sinner, a flawed and broken and beautiful warrior of love.

I wish I could tell you to keep loving, even when the world looks the other way.

I wish I could tell you that sometimes you give your heart to people who don’t deserve it, in love or in friendship, and it becomes a hard lesson learned.

I wish I could tell you that you must never accept a half-love, a love that is nowhere near the amount you give.

I wish I could tell you that you are a blessing to so many people.
And that you need to bless yourself sometimes.

I wish I could tell you that life will be so hard, but you must keep on living. That you must find reasons to celebrate, to pull strength, to stay pure, even when people hurt you.

I wish I could tell you that you will face so much pain, but you cannot let it break you. You must find a way to see yourself, your worth, and know that you are an important part of this world.

I wish I could tell you that you matter.
And you are loved.

You Are Better Than Your Worst Days, You Are Stronger Than Your Weakest Moments

Stop sitting up at night, replaying all of your awkward moments in your head. Stop thinking about the ways you have screwed up in the past. Stop selling yourself short, because you are better than your worst days.

Everyone has said things they aren’t proud of saying. Everyone has done things they wish they could erase from their mind. Everyone has regrets about what they have done and what they have failed to do.

You can’t let your worst moments define you. Failing once does not mean you are going to fail every other time you put yourself out there. It does not mean you should give up and go home.

If one person rejects you, that does not mean you should stop dating forever. If one boss fires you, that does not mean you should stop working forever. It does not mean you should throw up your hands and say you tried your hardest but it wasn’t good enough. You have to dust yourself off and take another shot.

You can’t let your doubts stall you. You can’t hide yourself away in your bedroom because you’re worried about history repeating itself.

Whenever something goes wrong, you have to try again. You have to give it another go. You have to work your ass off to get where you want to end up.

Don’t let one bad experience convince you to give up on yourself. Don’t let your insecurities chew away your desire to chase your dreams. 

You have to keep in mind that you are better than your worst days. You are stronger than you will ever admit to yourself. You might not see how powerful you are, but ask one of your friends and see what they have to say. They are sure to raise your spirits, raise your hopes, and raise your expectations for yourself.

You are doing better than you give yourself credit for, so stop hating yourself when you should be loving yourself.

You are strong, even when you break down in tears. You are beautiful, even when you feel too gross to leave the house. You are going to make something of yourself, even though you feel like you keep screwing up every opportunity that comes your way.

One day, everything will fall into place. Not because the universe owes you something. Because you are going to work your ass off until it happens.

You have the courage. You have the dedication. You just can’t give up on yourself, even when you are tempted to stop trying.

No matter how hard life becomes, stop acting like the world is against you, because the world is in the palm of your hand. You can do whatever you set your heart on — it just won’t happen overnight. It takes time. Patience. Effort.

If you want something, you can get it. You can make it happen as long as you never forget that you are better than your worst days. You are stronger than your weakest moments. 

Find The Beauty In Your Breakdown

How much of life is about putting on a brave face and getting on with it? As human beings, we master the art of “keeping going” very young. In time it becomes more and more natural for us to surrender to the demands of society and adulthood, because that is simply just what we do. It’s what we’ve always done. It’s how we survive. We keep on keeping on- for our bosses, our parents, our partners, and ourselves.

However, the brain is not designed to sustain this constant state of “go”. The conscious mind is so reluctant to discomfort that we begin to suppress, avoid, and/or ignore things that we shouldn’t to protect the flow of our daily routines. These seemingly little things we tuck away will continue to snowball over time, until eventually, all of those pent-up emotions and frustrations can no longer be contained. We break, and it feels like the ultimate calamity. This spontaneous combustion may leave us unable to get out of bed, or it may influence us to partake in risky/reckless behaviors. Regardless of how a “breakdown” may present itself, it is important to recognize that it is actually just an inarticulate bid for health. It is not the end of the world as it seems, but rather an extreme attempt by one part of our minds to force the other into a process of growth, self-understanding, and self-development.

So I am urging you to listen. Embrace those feelings of hopelessness, but rather than letting them consume you, dissect their cause. Remind yourself they are temporary; your brain has just exhausted its ability to choose one conscious thought over another. It is craving relief that only you can provide by making those necessary changes that once seemed so inconvenient. Prioritize yourself. Slow down. Cut ties with the people and the things in your life that are causing unnecessary stress. Have those hard conversations you’ve been putting off for so long. Make sure you are allowing your body and your mind enough time to rest, and fuelling them with the proper nutrients to promote maximum functionality. Ask for help. The reason we break, is because we choose not to flex.

Acknowledge your struggles, and adapt accordingly. The beauty in your breakdown will be the breakthrough that follows.

F#*k A Revenge Body, Go Get A Revenge Life

Who needs a revenge body when you could have a revenge life?

meghan tonjes

Before “revenge body” was a show or even a part of our vernacular, it was read between the lines of every magazine on the grocery store shelves and the most over-prescribed “wisdom” that your well-meaning friends could offer. Go – go become the hot piece that you always wanted to be. Mend your emotional wounds in the most primitive way possible. Power through it with the rage of thinking that one day, if you push hard enough, you’ll become attractive enough to be wanted. To be regretted. To be envied.

There are so many deep and twisted layers to this, but let’s just sum it all up like this: your body is not collateral. Changing it to “get back” at someone is not empowering, it is degrading. It keeps you stuck, and perhaps, shocked, when the day comes that you become all that you wanted to be only to discover that the photos go unliked, the calls go unanswered, and the interest has waned even more than before. Or worse, if they do change their minds only for you to experience that particularly disgusting feeling in your throat when you realize that it is only because you look like a semblance of yourself.

There’s no other way to say it than just to say it: fuck a revenge body, go get a revenge life. Give yourself the life you wanted them to give you. That’s where the healing is.

Go build the career of your dreams not so that they can Google you one day and say hm, guess she really did it, but so that you can live out every day of your life in a way that feels effortless and yet deeply rewarding. Go find yourself the partner of your dreams not so that someone can become territorial again, but so that you can get a real love story. Book a trip by yourself and post photos not so that you can evoke the envy of someone who may have wanted to be beside you, but so that you can see parts of the world you only once knew the names of, and so it can open you – stretch you – in ways far better than you ever could have imagined.

Instead of trying to get the body of your dreams, go get the life of your dreams – not so that you can convince someone to love you, but so that it doesn’t matter whether or not they do.

Getting the life of your dreams means caring about yourself in the way you always hoped a significant other would. It means doing the things you were waiting for someone to do with you. It means becoming exactly who you want to be, only because you want to be it. It means caring about yourself in the most fundamental ways. Caring about things like vitamins and wearing SPF and learning to meal prep and finding your staple clothes and discovering who your best friends are and finding a genre of fiction you love to read and saving money and spending time with your grandparents.

The best revenge is no revenge. move on. be happy. find inner peace. flourish.

The boss babes societe

Build the life of your dreams moment by moment, day by day, not so that someone can say, I wish I would have stayed, but so they will finally realize she didn’t need me anyway. Build the life of your dreams not so that you can prove something to someone, but that you can prove to yourself that you were all you needed. So that you can finally see your happiness and your potential was limited only by the edges of your imagination – and all the wrong people who were only holding you back.

With Love, Elle XO

THE BOSS BABES SOCIETE

I May Not Be Who I Want To Be Right Now, But I’m On My Way There

I woke up this morning really not feeling good mentally and that feeling continued to follow me throughout the day, weighing heavily on my chest. There is only one thought that I can use to try and describe what I am feeling:

This is not who I want to be, this is not the life I want to be living.

I think this is the ugly truth at the centre of everything I have gone through and continue to journey through. For the longest time, I either punished myself for not easily fitting into the expectations society has set for me or I numbed myself to the point that I could make myself fit.

The truth makes me want to be sick because I put so much of my time, energy, and resources towards building this “house of cards” life and by admitting the truth I am now accountable to change it; to take new and unfamiliar steps towards the life I want to live.

Let me tell you: new and unfamiliar is fucking terrifying. Now the house of cards is crumbling and I am left exposed. Exposed to judgment, pain, and failure. Living in a house of cards may not have been the most stable, but it felt safe.

But, I know that living like this is simply unsustainable and I am nearing my breaking point. I am tired of feeling weak and worn down all the time. I hate being apologetic and afraid of everything and everyone. I want more for myself. I want to be better for myself, I need to be better for myself, my life and for those around me, I don’t even know who I want to be or what I want to do, but I do not want this anymore.

So what do I do with this Tuesday morning epiphany?

They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, but I would say that also applies to changing your life.

By admitting to myself and to you that what I am currently doing no longer brings me joy, I am holding myself accountable, too. I am identifying the life I do not want to live anymore and therefore many of the things that are going wrong that prevent me from being happy. Now it’s up to me to figure out what does feel right and what will bring me joy again.

Thankfully, I don’t have to figure it out alone – I have a support system of friends, and family to navigate this journey with. I have people who challenge me daily to live my best life and who help remind me to appreciate the simpler things in life. Happiness and fulfillment do not happen in a vacuum, it takes a village to thrive in this world.

I may not be who I want to be right now, but this is me taking my first step closer. It is so much easier to avoid asking ourselves in the first place: is this the life I want to live? It is so much easier to let the expectations and standards of others and society drive our choices. We can even take those choices and build lives that look beautiful and successful. But houses of cards are hollow and a foundation of sand is unstable. Asking ourselves the hard questions is not easy, it is fucking courageous. Vulnerability and unfamiliarity are fucking terrifying, but they are god damn necessary if we want to live a life of fulfillment and happiness.

So I challenge you to be fucking courageous and ask yourself this one simple question: is this who you want to be?