Transforming Your Pain into Power and Purpose

I believe that every single one of us has a unique gift and task that we came here to accomplish.

When you move inward and make the deliberate decision to heal in mind, body and spirit, you create space in your conscious mind to discover what this is. Your life experiences are the puzzle pieces leading you to a higher path. Unfortunately, for many of us, these pieces will go unnoticed because of the powerful distractions our ego-mind has found comfort in.

Most of us consciously and unconsciously choose to avoid pain. We try to drown it out with any distraction we can; scrolling through social media, snacking, binge-watching Netflix, gossiping or using drugs and alcohol to escape the “mundane-reality” of day to day life.

Others find comfort within the pain and continue to reopen their wounds over and over again without ever truly going deep enough to heal them. They tell the same heartbreaking story again and again because their pain has taken over their ego identity. Instead of using the pain as a stepping stone to improve their life, they have allowed it to define their place in the world. Rather than transforming their pain into purpose, they have allowed their purpose in life to be their pain.

Underneath the pain you are carrying is the key to this deeper understanding of your soul. Within you, you hold all the wisdom, power, and clarity you need to move into your higher path and purpose.

What kind of pain are you transforming?

Pain from your childhood, heartbreak, abandonment, loneliness, longing? 

While your pain is unique to you, we are all one, and we all hurt. Every human being suffers; it is a critical component of our human experience. The good news is, we all have the power within us to transform any suffering, pain, and fear into the powerful energy of healing and love. This is the energy that supports you in receiving all of the goodness you’ve been calling into your life.

Collectively, I believe our goal is to raise the vibrations and consciousness of humanity. In other words – to change the world.

We do this by transforming our pain individually. This then allows us to become a leading light to help spark the fire of change in others.

Pain is your teacher and holds a great purpose. You must be willing to face the discomfort. Feel the pain, and learn the lessons you are meant to learn to discover the gifts hidden within them. Every painful experience you overcome is an opportunity to transform. You can shift the low vibrational, dense energy into the higher vibrations of love, abundance, peace, and freedom.

Our ego often leads us to believe that no one else can understand our pain. It convinces us that we are alone in our suffering.

This type of thinking allows pain to create a further disconnect between us.

The truth is, our suffering has the potential to bring us closer together as one. Through overcoming challenges, we have an opportunity to move towards a more collective state of consciousness. When you make the conscious choice to heal from the past and learn from your pain, you expand in your capacity to empathize, love and have compassion for others. You’re now able to understand the heartbreak someone else could be feeling because you have fully endured it yourself. You can now put yourself in the shoes of their experience, and see beyond yourself, beyond your suffering. Knowing that healing is possible, you can now help another person by inspiring them with what is possible when you turn your pain into power.

Whatever your experiences have been, and whatever your suffering, please know that you are not alone. Your pain is serving a powerful purpose. This was all part of your plan. You are strong enough to overcome it, but it takes patience and courage to face the darkness and transform it into light.

For many of us, this initial sadness stems from childhood, a time when we were too small to deal with our hurt. Because of this, we have become so good at avoiding and covering up the pain that we’ve forgotten it even exists – but it is there. You carry it around with you everywhere you go, and it is not going to go away until you confront it.

There are many things you can do to support your mind, body and soul in this healing journey such as

Self Reflection & Healing Support Strategies 

Discovering who you are, beyond your thoughts, is a game-changer. When you begin to notice how many of your thoughts are fueled by negativity and fear, in an attempt to keep you “safe” from your pain, you’ll gain the strength and momentum you need to heal. The good news is that thoughts are just thoughts; they are not who you are. With awareness, compassion and kindness towards yourself, along with your healing, you can begin to change them.

Meditation & Mindfulness

Our minds are created to think and think and think, but sometimes we need to give it a little break to get the answers we’re looking for. Even just practicing mindfulness and meditation for two minutes a day can be life-changing. Try not to get caught up in the “I don’t know how to meditate” or “I can’t do it.” The purpose is not to stop your thoughts; it’s to become aware of them. You will do this by shifting your focus back to your breath over and over again, perhaps even hundreds of times in a single meditation.

Journaling

You can write about feeling stuck. Create a list of what you have to be grateful for. Or reflect on an experience from the past. Try not to overthink it; write whatever is coming through to you. There is no wrong way to journal.

Some questions you may want to reflect on to get you started;

“What is my ego-mind trying to protect me from?”

“When did I first start forgetting about my power?”

“What is the next best step I should take in my healing journey?”

Turning off Electronics

Simply unplugging from your phone and other electronic devices can help you quiet down the noise and distractions of the outside world to connect with your world within.

Inner Child Work

Many people are unaware that most of their pain and trauma stems from childhood. This is why working with and healing your inner child is so transformational. Quantum physics has proven that time is not linear, which means that you have the power to heal the child within you now, thus changing your current situation in more ways than you can imagine.

Recognize Your Ego-Comfort Distractions

Where does your ego run to when your feeling uncomfortable? Snacks, exes, drama, Instagram? As soon as you recognize your comfort coping strategies, you can begin to bring your pain into your conscious mind by getting curious as to what’s fuelling the escape.

Get Support With Healing

Healing is the ultimate tool for taking ownership of your life and transforming it for the better. It’s essential to recognize when it’s time to reach out for additional support. We’re all in this together to support one another on our journey. You are never alone.

Whatever happened in the past is in the past. All that we have right now is this moment, and it is at this moment that you can choose to create a new path for yourself in the future. You are not a victim of your circumstances. You’re not a slave to your mind. You are the creator of your reality, and you can choose to live whatever life you desire to live.

Transform your life from the inside out and create a life you LOVE.

With lots of love and healing vibes, 

Elle XO

Find The Beauty In Your Breakdown

How much of life is about putting on a brave face and getting on with it? As human beings, we master the art of “keeping going” very young. In time it becomes more and more natural for us to surrender to the demands of society and adulthood, because that is simply just what we do. It’s what we’ve always done. It’s how we survive. We keep on keeping on- for our bosses, our parents, our partners, and ourselves.

However, the brain is not designed to sustain this constant state of “go”. The conscious mind is so reluctant to discomfort that we begin to suppress, avoid, and/or ignore things that we shouldn’t to protect the flow of our daily routines. These seemingly little things we tuck away will continue to snowball over time, until eventually, all of those pent-up emotions and frustrations can no longer be contained. We break, and it feels like the ultimate calamity. This spontaneous combustion may leave us unable to get out of bed, or it may influence us to partake in risky/reckless behaviors. Regardless of how a “breakdown” may present itself, it is important to recognize that it is actually just an inarticulate bid for health. It is not the end of the world as it seems, but rather an extreme attempt by one part of our minds to force the other into a process of growth, self-understanding, and self-development.

So I am urging you to listen. Embrace those feelings of hopelessness, but rather than letting them consume you, dissect their cause. Remind yourself they are temporary; your brain has just exhausted its ability to choose one conscious thought over another. It is craving relief that only you can provide by making those necessary changes that once seemed so inconvenient. Prioritize yourself. Slow down. Cut ties with the people and the things in your life that are causing unnecessary stress. Have those hard conversations you’ve been putting off for so long. Make sure you are allowing your body and your mind enough time to rest, and fuelling them with the proper nutrients to promote maximum functionality. Ask for help. The reason we break, is because we choose not to flex.

Acknowledge your struggles, and adapt accordingly. The beauty in your breakdown will be the breakthrough that follows.

F#*k A Revenge Body, Go Get A Revenge Life

Who needs a revenge body when you could have a revenge life?

meghan tonjes

Before “revenge body” was a show or even a part of our vernacular, it was read between the lines of every magazine on the grocery store shelves and the most over-prescribed “wisdom” that your well-meaning friends could offer. Go – go become the hot piece that you always wanted to be. Mend your emotional wounds in the most primitive way possible. Power through it with the rage of thinking that one day, if you push hard enough, you’ll become attractive enough to be wanted. To be regretted. To be envied.

There are so many deep and twisted layers to this, but let’s just sum it all up like this: your body is not collateral. Changing it to “get back” at someone is not empowering, it is degrading. It keeps you stuck, and perhaps, shocked, when the day comes that you become all that you wanted to be only to discover that the photos go unliked, the calls go unanswered, and the interest has waned even more than before. Or worse, if they do change their minds only for you to experience that particularly disgusting feeling in your throat when you realize that it is only because you look like a semblance of yourself.

There’s no other way to say it than just to say it: fuck a revenge body, go get a revenge life. Give yourself the life you wanted them to give you. That’s where the healing is.

Go build the career of your dreams not so that they can Google you one day and say hm, guess she really did it, but so that you can live out every day of your life in a way that feels effortless and yet deeply rewarding. Go find yourself the partner of your dreams not so that someone can become territorial again, but so that you can get a real love story. Book a trip by yourself and post photos not so that you can evoke the envy of someone who may have wanted to be beside you, but so that you can see parts of the world you only once knew the names of, and so it can open you – stretch you – in ways far better than you ever could have imagined.

Instead of trying to get the body of your dreams, go get the life of your dreams – not so that you can convince someone to love you, but so that it doesn’t matter whether or not they do.

Getting the life of your dreams means caring about yourself in the way you always hoped a significant other would. It means doing the things you were waiting for someone to do with you. It means becoming exactly who you want to be, only because you want to be it. It means caring about yourself in the most fundamental ways. Caring about things like vitamins and wearing SPF and learning to meal prep and finding your staple clothes and discovering who your best friends are and finding a genre of fiction you love to read and saving money and spending time with your grandparents.

The best revenge is no revenge. move on. be happy. find inner peace. flourish.

The boss babes societe

Build the life of your dreams moment by moment, day by day, not so that someone can say, I wish I would have stayed, but so they will finally realize she didn’t need me anyway. Build the life of your dreams not so that you can prove something to someone, but that you can prove to yourself that you were all you needed. So that you can finally see your happiness and your potential was limited only by the edges of your imagination – and all the wrong people who were only holding you back.

With Love, Elle XO

THE BOSS BABES SOCIETE

I May Not Be Who I Want To Be Right Now, But I’m On My Way There

I woke up this morning really not feeling good mentally and that feeling continued to follow me throughout the day, weighing heavily on my chest. There is only one thought that I can use to try and describe what I am feeling:

This is not who I want to be, this is not the life I want to be living.

I think this is the ugly truth at the centre of everything I have gone through and continue to journey through. For the longest time, I either punished myself for not easily fitting into the expectations society has set for me or I numbed myself to the point that I could make myself fit.

The truth makes me want to be sick because I put so much of my time, energy, and resources towards building this “house of cards” life and by admitting the truth I am now accountable to change it; to take new and unfamiliar steps towards the life I want to live.

Let me tell you: new and unfamiliar is fucking terrifying. Now the house of cards is crumbling and I am left exposed. Exposed to judgment, pain, and failure. Living in a house of cards may not have been the most stable, but it felt safe.

But, I know that living like this is simply unsustainable and I am nearing my breaking point. I am tired of feeling weak and worn down all the time. I hate being apologetic and afraid of everything and everyone. I want more for myself. I want to be better for myself, I need to be better for myself, my life and for those around me, I don’t even know who I want to be or what I want to do, but I do not want this anymore.

So what do I do with this Tuesday morning epiphany?

They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, but I would say that also applies to changing your life.

By admitting to myself and to you that what I am currently doing no longer brings me joy, I am holding myself accountable, too. I am identifying the life I do not want to live anymore and therefore many of the things that are going wrong that prevent me from being happy. Now it’s up to me to figure out what does feel right and what will bring me joy again.

Thankfully, I don’t have to figure it out alone – I have a support system of friends, and family to navigate this journey with. I have people who challenge me daily to live my best life and who help remind me to appreciate the simpler things in life. Happiness and fulfillment do not happen in a vacuum, it takes a village to thrive in this world.

I may not be who I want to be right now, but this is me taking my first step closer. It is so much easier to avoid asking ourselves in the first place: is this the life I want to live? It is so much easier to let the expectations and standards of others and society drive our choices. We can even take those choices and build lives that look beautiful and successful. But houses of cards are hollow and a foundation of sand is unstable. Asking ourselves the hard questions is not easy, it is fucking courageous. Vulnerability and unfamiliarity are fucking terrifying, but they are god damn necessary if we want to live a life of fulfillment and happiness.

So I challenge you to be fucking courageous and ask yourself this one simple question: is this who you want to be?

Your Pain Does Not Define You

You are not bound by the things of this world—by the way you look, the choices you make, the moments you go through.

This life is fleeting, so we cannot be forever tied to these short slivers in time, and especially not to the days that buried us, to the brokenness that temporarily weighed down our hearts.

Pain is part of being human. Like breathing, like thinking we will face it inevitably, and as much as we try to build ourselves up, keep our chests beating strong and our heads held high, we will crumble from time to time. We will lose our spark. We will wander aimlessly through our days, struggling to find purpose, and passion, and patience.

But the pain that we experience will not last forever. Though it might cause chaos in our hearts, it will not make a permanent home.

The heartbreak, the loneliness, the bitterness, the exhaustion—those things are temporary, even when it feels like they are all we know. One day we will steady our breathing, find our footing and step forward again. One day the heaviness will lift and we’ll look up at the sky with a renewed sense of self. One day we won’t think of what we no longer have first, but be filled and encouraged by all that we possess, all that is within us.

One day that pain will be a mere memory—never a definition.

When we go through trying times, sometimes we wear our pain on our faces, in our bodies, in the way we carry ourselves. We become so surrounded, so caught up in the emptiness that we let it consume us. We forget who we are.

Sometimes we allow our pain to be the first thing people see when they look at us; we become owned by it, instead of our true identity.

But we must remember the truth about pain—it is not who we are. We are not the times we’ve fallen, the failures, the tough days. We are infinitely more.

We are laughter and jokes, embraces and connections, family and friendship and moments of celebration. We are human—imperfect, but still capable of extraordinary things. We are all the small moments of our lives complied together, all the ways we’ve grown, and shaped, and changed ourselves and our world.

We are not just the times we’ve lost our way, not just bodies aimlessly wandering around here on this earth. We are not lost causes, and our value is not determined by the weight of what we’ve gone through.

Who we are as people is not comprised of the negative pieces of our lives, but the positive. By the ways we’ve stood back up after being pushed down, risen after falling. By the way we’ve continued, and never given up.

Pain is a component of our humanness, sometimes even necessary to teach us, to build us, to help us become our true selves. But it is not the determining factor of our worthiness, not the one thing that we carry or label ourselves with.

We will lose our way, lose loved ones, lose our strength and spark from time to time, but we’ll never fully lose ourselves. We may be broken, but never destroyed. We may change, but never become unrecognizable. We may experience hard times, but never embody those moments.

We may face pain, but it will never define us. 

Sometimes It’s Necessary To Be Alone With Yourself

Sometimes it’s okay if you don’t have all the answers and you want to look for them alone. It’s okay if you don’t want anyone else to disturb your voice. It’s okay if you want to take a different road and get lost by yourself instead of asking for directions to a place you don’t really want to go to. Sometimes you just have to be by yourself when people drain you more than inspire you. When they judge you more than they understand you. When they make you feel even more alone.

Sometimes it’s okay if you’ve been alone for a long time and you still want to be alone because you were never the kind of person who looks for quantity over quality or the kind of person who needs just anyone around. You’ve always looked for depth, honesty, compassion and strength. You’ve always looked for people who don’t come around very often. You’ve always been drawn to people who aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. You’ve always been moved by people you only meet once in a lifetime and that’s why you keep finding yourself alone because these are not the people who are going to make the road easier for you because they’re also on a journey to find themselves and on a mission to change the world.

Sometimes it’s okay to face your own fears and learn everything about yourself including the hard things, the things you’re not proud of, the unflattering truths that you hide from everyone. Sometimes you need to face and forgive yourself. You need to look in the mirror and say even if you can’t get one single thing right, I’ll still love you and accept you because I’m stuck with you forever.

Sometimes you just have to break your own heart when you realize that you’ve had enough and you’ve cared more and loved unconditionally and gave your heart to people who didn’t deserve and now it’s time to find yourself again. Now it’s time to take the pieces of yourself back, polish them and start over. Now it’s time to remember who you were before you invested every little part of you in someone else and lost your worth. 

Sometimes it’s just okay to let yourself be who you really want to be and in order to do that you need to step away from everyone who is asking you to be someone you’re not and everyone who keeps telling you what to say or what to do and everyone who doesn’t know what you’re going through but gives you unsolicited advice.

Sometimes you need to be alone so you can find God, hear him, ask him for direction, ask him for guidance or closure, ask him for forgiveness and ask him for love. Sometimes you need to be alone with the universe so you can learn how to be your own universe when people fail to give meaning to your life because as long as you keep searching for meaning in the universe and as long as you keep searching for answers within yourself, you will surely find them.

𝓦𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮, 𝓔𝓵𝓵𝓮 ♥

This Is Your Reminder That You Will Get Somewhere In Life

I know it’s frustrating and difficult to know that you have been trying for some time now, maybe months, even years to get to where you want to be in life.

You are in school, but you had to take a year off for some reason.

Now you are behind and have to take a job in the meantime, but you are struggling to get work.

If you are anything like me, you may have mental health issues and that has impacted your life significantly and now you have to deal with living day to day on top of what you go through emotionally.

It’s a long and tiring road and sometimes you just want to say to yourself, “fuck it.” I am done. I have done all I can to push myself and I still am getting nowhere.

For a lot of us, we feel this way. That life is just never the way we want it to be and that our dreams, goals, and aspirations will never come to fruition.

But even though the journey has been difficult, a long and tedious one that you did not expect in 1000 years, you are getting to where you want to be.

It’s just not in the way you envisioned.

You see all those articles you have published now compared to a time when you had nothing?

That is progress. Now you have a portfolio to be proud of and show to potential editors for magazines, blogs and wherever else you want to write for.

The jobs you have on your resume?

That is preparing you for experience that you need for future employment and that is also progress.

All those letters of rejections, failed interviews, and no call-backs?

Now you know the value of waiting and what to do to better prepare yourself in the long run.

So you see, nothing tedious that we do is ever for no reason. It is always preparing us for something greater.

There is always evidence of our growth and our acceleration to our destinations, but it is often overshadowed by everything else that we don’t anticipate in life.

I can guarantee you, you are doing better than a lot of people who are struggling greatly right now in their lives and you are ahead of the game, but you just fail to realize it.

Just remember this: If you have a burning will to succeed in this life, to get somewhere in spite of your obstacles, it may take some pain, some tears, some frustration, but you will get there.

And you will have some serious life lessons under your belt as well so you are prepared when your time does come.

Do not despise meagre beginnings, you will get somewhere in life and it will be exactly where you have wanted to go.

Just be patient. 

𝓦𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮, 𝓔𝓵𝓵𝓮 ✪

33 Rules For Life I’ve Set For Myself By 33

  1. Carve out ten minutes of your day to drink a cup of coffee (or tea, if that’s your thing), in the morning. In silence.
  2. Learn how to love the silence. Silence isn’t scary. With silence comes clarity of thought. With clarity of thought comes growth.
  3. Never stop growing. Never stop learning. The moment you decide you know everything is the moment when you’ll start to lose any intelligent thought you once had. Everyone can teach you something, even if it’s what not to do.
  4. Exercise. Even when you don’t want to. You’ll thank yourself later.
  5. Find things to be grateful for each and every day. Gratitude is key – grateful for the things we have. Grateful for how far we’ve come. Grateful so we know how far there is to go.
  6. Go places. See new cities, meet new people, try different food.
  7. Never pass on Chinese food. Or Thai food. Or tapas. Or tacos. Variety is the spice of life.
  8. Life will go as planned. And then it will go haywire. Learn how to remain calm amidst the ebb and flow, and learn who keeps you calm, too.
  9. Find your focus in the chaos.
  10. Focus on people more than things. You can always work overtime. You can’t get back lost moments with those you love the most.
  11. Love. Love deeply, love freely, love openly, love fiercely. Then be the love that you preach, teach, and seek.
  12. Say I love you. Let the words pass your lips and live in the air. Let them imprint on the heart and soul of another. Love is not meant to be contained.
  13. Prayer is good for the soul. I hope you pray for your people, and I hope you pray for those you have yet to meet.
  14. See the story behind the human.
  15. Read. Read everything, but don’t forget about books. Let yourself get lost in the pages of another world and another life.
  16. Lose yourself in nature every once and awhile. Feel the breeze. Drink in the sunshine. See the colour that surrounds you. Take long walks in the woods. On the beach. Throughout your neighbourhood.
  17. Be kind to your neighbours.
  18. Kindness is not weakness. Remember that.
  19. Know your weaknesses. But know that your weaknesses do not make you less of a person. They make you human. And we’re all flawed.
  20. Find makeup that makes you feel flawless. (If makeup is your thing, that is.) Currently, I’m loving Laura Mercier. But you pick whatever makes you feel beautiful.
  21. You are beautiful. Remember that. Tell yourself that in the mirror when you wake up in the morning. Remind yourself of that as often as you need to.
  22. Pay attention to what you need for mind, body, heart, and soul. Self-care is important – ain’t no shame in taking care of you.
  23. Take your vitamins.
  24. Call people on the phone when you’re thinking of them. A “like” on a screen or a text message can never replace the love found in the cadence of a voice on the phone.
  25. For my curly haired gals – embrace the curl. I can’t even begin to count the number of minutes I’ve wasted fighting with a straightening iron and a blow dryer. Now I let the curls go! Now, if I have the opportunity for someone to do my hair for me, any hairstyle is fair game.
  26. Never underestimate the power of a good hairdresser. Or a blowout.
  27. There are opportunities in life that you’ll blow. You’ll say the wrong thing. You won’t be what he/she/they want. That’s ok. Recognize the mistakes for what they were, and then let them go.
  28. Let the little things go. Let yourself feel pain. Let yourself feel joy. Let yourself embrace the moment and season in which you find yourself, and find the balance in knowing when to move forward.
  29. Less concerned about the work you do, more concerned with the impression you, and the work you do, makes and leaves on the people around you.
  30. Believe in your art. Trust in your gut.
  31. There will be a love that will find you that makes you a better human. That sees your light and your dark and loves you anyway. That fills your days with warmth and laughter. It’s ok to wait for that kind of love. You deserve that kind of love.
  32. There is always a reason, a way, a someone, and a something to celebrate. Remember the ones you’ve lost, and let their love fuel you forward.
  33. Love is fuel for the mind, body, and soul. Love you, love your people, let yourself lean into love.

𝓦𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮, 𝓔𝓵𝓵𝓮 ♥

One-Sentence Truths To Remind Yourself Of When You Feel Like You’re Falling Short

  • You can’t control the outcome.
  • You can only control the way you handle the process.
  • You get to decide who you are going to be when things get hard.
  • Everything is temporary- the good, the bad & the magical.
  • There are seasons for everything- embrace the one you are in.
  • Ask yourself this question- what is this experiencing teaching me?
  • Also: how can I be/do/act better next time?
  • Discomfort means you are doing something right.
  • Nothing great happens inside your comfort zone.
  • Greatness comes from trying new things, putting yourself out there, and being willing to risk it all.
  • We’re all just doing the best we can.
  • Everyone is struggling: everyone has a little bit of pain and a little bit of joy and a whole lot of overwhelm.
  • Everything you’ve ever done – every person you’ve ever met, every experience you’ve ever encountered- has brought you exactly to this point.
  • You’re doing so much better than you think you are.
  • Be your own best friend, your biggest advocate, your most adoring fan.
  • Fall in love with the process of becoming the very best version of yourself.
  • Recognize that failure, overwhelm, and feeling like you’re falling behind aren’t some indication that you’re on the wrong path.
  • Be the kind of person who honours their commitments, who shows up every day and does the work.
  • Trust the process.
  • You’re not falling behind, you are growing and refining and chipping away at the broken parts.
  • You are building your foundation.
  • Even when things get hard, joy is always accessible because it is a deliberate choice we get to make.
  • Be brave enough to open your heart to the people who have earned the right to witness it.
  • Deliberately make time to unwind and unplug.
  • Get out of your own head and find a way to be of service.
  • This moment right here? This very second? This is your life.
  • Let yourself be awed.
  • Let yourself be confused.
  • You are not falling short.
  • You are just beginning.