How To Heal Your Deepest Trauma And Finally Start To Live Your Life Again

When something happens that scares you, and then you do not ever get over that fear, you become traumatized.

Trauma is the experience of disconnecting with a fundamental source of safety. It happens most severely when our attachment is severed to our primary caretakers. But there is truly an infinite number of ways the world can traumatize you, and to varying degrees.

There are lots of theories about what trauma is, and where it comes from. Many believe that it is passed down physically through your DNA. Others argue that it is shared mentally and emotionally, through learned patterns and observations. Most commonly, trauma is believed to be an interpersonal experience we have in which we were challenged and then lacked the skills and coping mechanisms to rise to it. Instead, we fell.

No matter where it came from, if you have some kind of lingering trauma, you will know, because you will feel it. You will feel it physically in your body. You will feel anxiety, tension, fear, terror, sadness or guilt. It will be displaced. It will not have a clear, direct cause. You will overreact to certain things and even when a problem is solved, you will still panic. This is the mark of trauma.

Trauma is not in your head. It is in your body.

This is the first and most important thing you need to know in order to overcome it: trauma is a legitimate, physical issue. You store those emotions, energies and patterns at a cellular level.

Thankfully, we can use the ripples at the top of the water to trace back down to the problem at the bottom, so to say. You can begin to use your body to help you heal.

First, identify where the trauma is.

You do this by feeling into yourself, and noticing where you are tight, or tense. Our bodies harden in order to protect us. When we have a broken leg, our fascia tightens like a natural cast, so that we do not bend ourselves that way again. Similarly, when our hearts are broken, our emotions tighten, so that we do not let ourselves feel again.

Of course, eventually, we have to walk. We have to love. We have to experience life again. We have to slowly soften the pieces of us that are trying to protect us, so that we can move forward.

Healing trauma is not just a matter of psychoanalyzing it. It is a matter of literally working through it with your breath. The next time you feel yourself overreacting to some kind of stimuli, you will notice that your body is starting to tense up, and create a fight-or-flight response. To heal this, you have to force yourself to take deep, soothing breaths, until the part of your body that was once tense is relaxed again.

You will need to self-soothe in different ways. Meditating, breathing, drinking enough water, getting enough sleep, using aromatherapy or sound therapy or whatever else works for you.

You absolutely must work to take your brain and body physically out of panic, survival mode.

Second, reinstate a sense of safety.

You are traumatized because something scared you and you are convinced that it is still “out to get you.” This is what happens when we don’t face or overcome something difficult, we assume the threat lingers indefinitely.

The psychological aspect of trauma healing is that you have to literally restore the connection that was severed, in the exact same way that it was broken.

If you are traumatized about relationships, you need to build healthy relationships. If you are traumatized about money, you need to get really good with money. If you are traumatized about traveling, you need to travel again.

We do not find the resolution in avoiding these things forever. In fact, just underneath the fear we often find that they are the things we really want more than anything else.

Third, stop taking thoughts and feelings at face value.

Last, to overcome trauma, you have to stop engaging in psychic thinking. You have to stop pretending you are able to predict what will happen, you know other people’s intentions, or that what you feel and think is absolute truth and reality.

This kind of thinking is what takes a triggering feeling and turns it into a defeating spiral. You take one scary thing and make it into a prediction for what the future will hold.

You are not an oracle. You do not know what’s next, though you are always capable of choosing what you do now. Almost always, the thing you are most panicked about is a thing you do not know is happening for sure. It is usually an assumption, a projection, a fear turned into a terrifying potential reality.

You might think that trauma is something that other, more damaged people have, but that is not true. Everyone is traumatized in one way or another, but it is how we respond to it, how we ultimately grow and develop self-mastery from it, that determines the course of our lives.

Your 30 Day Confidence Challenge: Put Yourself Outside Of Your Comfort Zone And Find Your Inner Strength

Coming to terms with who we really are rather than who we perceive others think we are is a journey in itself. This is our life. We deserve to live it. Other people do not get to claim power over our lives, we get to claim power over our lives. Here are 30 things you can do to take back your power and be the you that you were always supposed to be:

1. Unfollow every single social media account that makes you feel insecure or that makes you want to look / be differently.

2. Do not dress yourself based on what is ‘fashionable’, dress yourself based on YOUR taste.

3. Get rid of the thoughts that enable you to feel unworthy. Worthiness is not something we obtain once we reach a certain place or do something in particular, we are worthy as is.

4. Realize that just because you feel rejected or abandoned, doesn’t always mean you actually are.

5. Do not be afraid to take up space; you are allowed to stretch while you wait in line and you are allowed to smile at strangers.

6. If something is weighing you down, let go of it. Whatever it is. Let go of it.

7. Do something that makes YOU excited.

8. Make peace with where you are at and stop longing for where you think you should be.

9. Stop spending hours looking at other people’s social media account(s).

10. Learn how to say no and not feel guilty for it.

11. If you don’t like to do something, stop doing it. Maybe it’s a friendship, a job, or some routine that you’ve acquired over time — just stop.

12. Forgive people, but don’t let them back into your personal space.

13. Find a way to feel good about yourself. Maybe it’s a hairstyle, maybe you leave sticky notes on your mirror complimenting yourself, whatever it is, do it.

14. Take a break from social media if you need to.

15. Surround yourself with people who know the value of you.

16. Feed your body good things; take care of yourself.

17. Terminate any relationship that doesn’t support your growth and your glow.

18. Do not be afraid to cut off or to create boundaries with your family members, especially toxic ones.

19. Spend time alone. Make your solitude a time where you learn, admire, and befriend yourself.

20. Find a way to feel purposeful every single day.

21. Speak of gratitude more than you speak of ‘problems’.

22. Quiet your anxiety and start to talk to new people.

23. Stop taking things so personally.

24. Love others out of the places in you that are whole, not out of the places that need it in return.

25. Trust the timing of your life.

26. Understand that just because other people are beautiful, doesn’t mean that you are any less.

27. Get familiar with your naked body.

28. Listen to music that inspires and uplifts you.

29. Visualize and manifest only good things for your life and your future.

30. Acknowledge your resilience even if you don’t feel strong; your body was made to conquer all.

When Ready To Take Control Of Your Anxiety, Read This

If you’re anything like me, you know anxiety can be brutal and completely debilitating. It’s the thing that sends us to our rooms convinced we are alone and unsure if everything will get better. Anxiety is a vicious cycle, and if you’re not mindful of this, it can take over parts of your life, both mentally and physically.

Read this three step process when you’re ready to take control of your anxiety.

1. Remember that sometimes anxiety is born simply from your thoughts, and then remind yourself that not all thoughts are real and honest ones to begin with. Thoughts lie at times; they can stem from your fears and not your logic. Our minds wander down dark roads when we feel in the shade ourselves. It makes us vulnerable to filling in the blanks when we aren’t in a good place and believing things we don’t know to be absolutely certain.

2. In order to take control of your anxiety, you have to honor it, feel it, and be able to identify what makes you anxious. Be able to acknowledge your fears, uncertainties, and the things that send you into negative headspace. Don’t try to pretend these things don’t exist or overcompensate with outside forces. You’re not bad or wrong for feeling this way. You aren’t not growing or healing just because anxious feelings or old habits are brought up.

3. It’s very rare that you just wake up one morning and never experience anxiety again when it’s been haunting you for some time. Anxiety isn’t something that just disappears, it’s something that dissipates as we learn how to navigate it. Your power is getting into a habit of redirecting what you think, feel, and physically do when faced with these anxious thoughts and feelings. The exact moment that we choose how to navigate what makes us not feel our best is the same moment we have the opportunity to feel better.

This process looks like feeling something intense and asking yourself, “Is this real? Do I know this to be 100% true?” If it is true, then you know you have work to do with something specific. You know where the source of discomfort or pain is. If it’s not true and if some of your own fears and feelings are being projected onto the situation, you know you have some rewiring to do in order to target and release the pressure and anxiety you feel. It looks like acknowledging how you’re feeling before you judge yourself for it. It’s choosing to be on your own team. It’s choosing to believe the truth until you know differently. It’s having faith in the midst of uncertainty.

Take control of your anxiety by taking control of your thoughts, by taking control of your world enough to not blame yourself through it, but rather support yourself through it. Take control of your anxiety by learning how to sit with it. Take control of your anxiety by choosing what you’re going to believe, by choosing who you trust with all of you, by choosing how to speak to yourself, and by choosing where you’re going to move from the place you are currently.

Breathe. And remember the control is yours. You have the power inside of you, you just have to take a step back and decide what you’re going to choose to do with it. 

47 Ways To Practice Micro-Healing In Your Everyday Life

1. Do something every day that your future self will thank you for, even if it is small.

2. Do something every day that your past self would be impressed by, even if it feels easy now.

3. Start saying “thank you” for what you want as though it has already happened. Write it down, say it out loud. Even once is enough.

4. Learn the power of momentum. Start with small tasks in the day and let it build.

5. Make one tiny shift in the right direction. Drink one half glass of water. Walk around the block. Take one deep breath.

6. When you want to cry, cry. When you want to be angry, be angry. When you want to be sad, be sad. When you want to be happy, don’t ruin it. Processing in real time is how you avoid emotional issues in the future.

7. Find healthy, productive distractions.

8. Unfollow every single person who makes you feel bad about yourself.

9. See your discomfort as your subconscious way of telling yourself that you are capable of more, and better, than you have at this current moment.

10. Junk journal. Open up a notebook and scribble down exactly how you feel. Stop trying to invalidate them with positivity. “Emotions, once felt, tend to dissolve on their own.”

11. Let yourself dream. Imagine what you want to build and create next in your life.

12. Give yourself something to look forward to. Plan a trip, make a date, or take yourself out somewhere.

13. If there is something you need to change in your life, start today. Look for new jobs. Write a letter to someone you need to apologize to. If time is not resolving the matter, you must.

14. Do not believe everything that you think.

15. Do not trust everything that you feel.

16. Think back on everything you worried about that turned out to be nothing.

17. Think back on all those times you had strong, overwhelming feelings that you didn’t really understand. Sometimes, you just had to learn how to let them pass.

18. Do something each day that helps you get to know yourself better. Write down what you like and what you don’t. Identify your values, your beliefs, your hopes, your fears.

19. Spend time with people who you “click” with.

20. Do something for someone without asking for anything in return.

21. Disconnect from people who don’t add to your life. Don’t be afraid to disengage.

22. Read something that makes you think about the world differently.

23. Note what comes effortlessly to you, this is what you’re here to do.

24. Note what is interesting to you, this is what you’re here to learn about.

25. Note what you struggle with the most, this is what you’re here to master.

26. Learn to stand up for yourself in a productive way. Instead of slinging insults or being passive aggressive, learn to speak your truth with dignity and grace.

27. Recognize that whatever bothers you most about other people can reveal the unconscious truth about yourself. Use every discomfort as an opportunity to heal your own wounds.

28. Lean in deeply to that which brings you joy.

29. Go out of your way to make time for people who you really care about.

30. Create a vision board, either on paper or online. Map out what you want to create and what you want your life to look like.

31. Learn from people who you admire. Use their lives as a guide for what you want to do.

32. Learn from people you dislike. Use their lives as a blueprint for what you do not want to do.

33. When you feel the impulse to judge another person, remind yourself gently that every time you do so, you only continue to narrow your idea of what’s acceptable in life.

34. State what you are feeling, claim it and accept it, and take action in the face of it.

35. Interrogate one negative thought. Instead of running on autopilot, stop and ask yourself: Is this true? Do I know for a fact this is true?

36. Better yet, ask yourself this: Does this thought move my life in the direction I would like it to go?

37. If all you were able to do today was wake up and keep breathing, that’s okay. Give yourself permission to rest.

38. Make a to-do list then cut it in half. Then cut it in half again. You should be left with the one or two most imperative tasks. Focus on those and only those.

39. Meditate on how far you’ve come. Make a list of all the things you have, do and feel that you never imagined would be possible.

40. Meditate on how much you’ve overcome. Consider everything that happened in the past that you swore you’d never get over, and note that you always did.

41. Express genuine gratitude. Find something you are actually happy to have.

42. If feeling good is too far from where you’re at, make it your goal to feel neutral.

43. Sleep when you are tired. Eat when you are hungry.

44. Working until you’re at the point of exhaustion at which time you collapse and feel totally paralyzed is not “working hard,” it’s abusing yourself.

45. You’re allowed to be angry and upset. You are not allowed to take angry and upset actions that could impact your safety or quality of life for years to come.

46. Write yourself a note in which you outline exactly what to do when you have a panicky feeling. When you’re thinking clearly, tell yourself what to do when you’re not.

47. Remember that you’re mortal. All of this will pass. No time is guaranteed. You are not stuck forever. Life moves quickly and it does not stop. You are only here for a moment. Try to savor it as much as you can.

This is Your 30 Day Badass Challenge: It’s Time to Not Just Live But Thrive Like the Champion You Are

1.

Don’t be afraid of challenges. They may sound intimidating, and they can be scary, but only if you let them be. Tell yourself that you will do this, and then go out there and do it. For real. Life is full of challenges, they will test your will and strength, they will reveal your true character, and you will always come out feeling a bit wiser and bit stronger.

2.

Let’s start with something simple. Disconnect from the net. Social media is great- everyone loves a good cat video and Instagram, but too much time online is taking away from time to live your life and be your best self. See how long you can go without checking your phone, an hour, three, five? Turn it into a day, and definitely don’t grab your phone right before bed…we’ve all lost way too much sleep doing that.

3.

If you are adamant about staying connected, then connect with people who inspire you and who you aspire to be like. Find the people in the world, not just your inner circle, who are making the kinds of moves you hope to be making someday. Let their successes motivate you to push for your own success.

4.

Bare your soul to yourself…what are you truly seeking to accomplish? What is your mission in life? What is your purpose? We all have one, sometimes it comes to you, sometimes it takes some figuring out. To be your ultimate best badass self, you need to take the time and the chance to see yourself as you truly are, and what you hope you accomplish in this lifetime.

5.

Once you’ve found that purpose, never let it out of your sight. The universe will throw distractions your way, obstacles will pop up out of nowhere. Some days you will feel dejected, afraid, unmotivated, incapable. But know that the universe only gives you what you can handle, so you’ve got this. Stand strong and continue onward.

6.

Let go of anything and anyone that does not bring you joy. Why hold on to something that does not add any positive value to your life? Letting go is difficult, but 100% necessary. As you remove the weight that is holding you down, you will find solace and a renewed passion for life and for yourself.

7.

This one is crucial. Be your own best friend. Every morning, look in the mirror and give yourself a genuine compliment. Start today and keep this going. By the end of this challenge, seeing the good things about yourself will be as easy and routine as brushing your teeth.

8.

Stop making so many excuses. Sometimes, the only thing standing in your way is you. We all have the same amount of hours in the day as Beyonce, it’s an injustice to ourselves to not use those hours wisely, making moves and hustling for our dreams.

9.

A healthy mind and body are keys to a healthy life. Exercising isn’t something everyone enjoys doing, so find some other physical activity, if the gym doesn’t work for you. In order to give your best, you have to look and feel your best too, mentally, physically, and emotionally.

10.

Which brings me to Day 9, take stock of what’s on your mind. Are they all things you can affect or control? If something isn’t, breathe, and learn to let it go. There’s already so much you’re responsible for: yourself, family, a job, hobbies, pets, etc. Don’t add on even more to your plate by doing the worrying about something that can’t, won’t, or hasn’t happened yet. Let the universe do the worrying about those things for you.

11.

Make a list of all the things you have been wanting and waiting to do but haven’t yet. Why didn’t you? What was stopping you? Go out there and do them all despite what you may think the cons are. You wanted to adopt a cat? Go for it. You wanted to write a book? Start. You wanted to quit your job? Do it. You’ll never know what the outcome will be if you don’t lay down your fear and just go for it.

12.

Network. We have so many opportunities in a day to meet someone new: standing in line for coffee, at the company mixer, at brunch with friends of friends. So today, get out of your comfort zone and strike up a conversation with someone new. Business settings aren’t the only place to make connections. Every time you meet someone, you’re giving yourself the chance to make a positive connection, that could turn into something else. As long as you follow what’s next.

13.

Put your best foot forward. It’s time to clean out that closet. Get rid of any clothes you forgot you even owned, and anything you haven’t worn in a month. Then, have a fashion show for yourself and put together outfits that make you feel and look like the badass bawse you are. First impressions and good appearances are important and make a difference. Even more important is how you feel in your clothes, you should wear what you like and what feels good to you, not what society deems is fashionable. Badasses don’t care about societal fashion norms.

14.

Learn a new skill. Education doesn’t have to be limited to the classroom. With the help of the internet and the library, there’s so much you could engage in and discover. Once a month, devote some time to discovery and add to your toolbox of skills with something different. Invest in yourself.

15.

Say no. Turning things down or saying no to things you don’t want to do isn’t mean or disrespectful. In order to fully live YOUR best life, you have to stop being a people pleaser and doing things simply only for the sake of other people. This is draining and unhealthy.

16.

Make a list of things you will not tolerate in any relationship. In order to nurture and grow the relationships you need in your life, you have to first make a note of what isn’t right or meant for you.

17.

Always be true to you. Society, culture, family, friends, partners, they will all try to have an opinion of who and what you should be. Never let anyone try to force you to be anything less than who and what you are.

18.

Stop caring what other people think about you- it’s not your problem. Focusing on what others think of you is an added pressure and stress that no one really needs. Its difficult to stop caring, but doable.

19.

Become best friends with feeling uncomfortable. If you’re not stepping outside the familiar, you’re doing it wrong. The best things happen when you go outside of your comfort zone. This is how you grow, and growth is necessary.

20.

Stop second guessing and overthinking things because you need them to be perfect. Perfect doesn’t exist for anyone. No, the girl on Instagram doesn’t have a perfect life. No, that person doesn’t have the perfect job. There are ups and downs to everything. Release the notion that you have to wait for perfect. Instead, go out there and build the life you want.

21.

Stop telling yourself you’re too busy. You’re not. No one is. We make time for the things that are truly important to us. So if you keep procrastinating on something because “you’re too busy”, you really just don’t think it’s important enough for you. Analyze your priorities and pay attention to the things and people you keep putting off.

22.

Put yourself first. Self-love is not selfish. Focusing on your goals and dreams is not selfish, it’s smart and necessary. If you don’t treat yourself right, the universe won’t either.

23.

Stop feeding into negative thoughts. Those anxious thoughts telling you that you’re not enough or won’t make it? They’re just thoughts. Replace them with positive affirmations. Write a love letter and a thank you note to yourself. If you put positivity out into the universe, the universe will deliver positivity back to you.

24.

Visualize. Put your dreams out into the universe and manifest them into reality. If you only focus on what could go wrong, then that’s all you’re going to get in return.

25.

Don’t let your job be the most important thing in your life. There is more to you than just your job description and title.

26.

Never settle. The minute you settle for less, because it’s easy or because someone told you so, you’re telling the world that you are okay receiving less than what you deserve. Always aim high and keep your priorities and standards in check.

27.

Do not shrink or hide for the sake of someone else’s comfort. Be you, unapologetically.

28.

Take it easy on the timeline. Everyone goes through life at their own pace. Don’t compare your journey to anyone else’s and forgive yourself if you’re not yet where you want to be.

29.

Celebrate all the victories, including the small ones.

30.

Know that things happen when you stop waiting and start doing.

To My Fellow Goddesses—This Is Where Your Power Lives

There is power in embracing your divine feminine energy. Instead of trying to be more like him, you stand rooted in the earth of this world, nourished by the rays of the sun and the glow of the moon. You sink into the cyclical flow of nature; just as the tide rises, then falls.

There is power in embracing your softness, and remaining calm and collected when others raise their voice. You, instead, can raise your vibration.

There is power in looking to the Ancient Goddesses that used to walk barefoot where you now stand; their hearts, minds, and wombs worshipped by all. Because in knowing where you truly came from and understanding the gifts that have been birthed with you as a woman, you will live empowered.

There is power in choosing to curve and to swirl in this life, instead of trying to straighten your lines to be more direct, and angled.

There is power in honoring your sacred intuition when it whispers to you, and following that inner knowing, even when it doesn’t quite make sense to those around you.

There is power in bathing under the moonlight, as she lights up the dark blanket sky at night. There is magic in being in tune with her lunar cycle, and getting in tune with your own sacred cycle.

There is power in nurturing your loved ones, and showering kindness and compassion like confetti wherever you go; on whomever, you meet. I want you to know this does not make you weak, or less than, or replaceable. This power not only allows you to take care of others, but it allows you to fully love and care for yourself.

There is power in drawing on your inner masculine when you need to speak up when you need to call someone out, and when you need to release what’s been building and bubbling within.

There is power in living a life that is true to you and your make-up. When you allow your emotions to bleed freely, you spill your heart to strangers, and you take off that armor that has been weighing you down for far too long. Your power is in your openness, and your authenticity.

Goddess – your power lives inside of you. This is where it has always, and will always be. Your power was sewn into the seeds from which you were given life. It flows through your veins, it cocoons your bones, and it blooms in your heart.

Reclaim your power today.

Sometimes, You Have To Take A Break

Even though you might feel like you cannot afford to rest, even though there is a lot of pressure being put on you, even though you want to spend your time making productive leaps toward your dreams, you cannot keep moving until you collapse.

You are allowed to slow down. You are allowed to take a break every once in a while. You are allowed to breathe.

Letting yourself relax for the first time in a long time does not mean you are being lazy. It does not mean you are slacking and do not deserve to reach success. It means you are self-aware and self-loving.

It doesn’t matter how desperately you want to reach your dreams. Sometimes, the answer is not to force yourself to go-go-go. Sometimes, you have to rest today if you want to be on your A-game tomorrow.

Even though it feels like you have a million different things to get done and a million people you could disappoint, do not fight through your mental or physical exhaustion. Do not push yourself passed your limits. Do not fall off the ledge.

You need to take care of yourself first. Your sanity comes before your work.

If you go without a rest for too long, if you end up reaching a point where you snap because you cannot take such a jam-packed schedule anymore, then you are going to suffer a setback and you are going to have an even longer recovery period than you would if you gave yourself a break today.

Instead of waiting until the last possible second to give a shit about yourself, schedule me-time every week. Make sure you have at least a few hours, or even an entire day, to unwind from the stress you have been under.

You have accomplished so much more than you realize, so stop telling yourself you are not good enough. Stop acting like you have not earned a rest. You have. 

Turn off your email notifications. Put down your pencil. Close your textbooks. Give yourself permission to enjoy  the rest of the day. Not everything has to be done right this second. The world is not going to end if you ‘waste’ one day.

Except, that is the thing. You should not think of pampering yourself as a waste. You should not think of self-care as a waste. You should think of it as a necessity.

Yes, reaching success requires effort. Yes, you have to do a lot of work if you want to make something of yourself. No, you cannot become lazy — but taking a break every once in a while does not make you lazy. You are allowed to sleep extra. You are allowed to binge watch a series. You are allowed to have fun — or do absolutely nothing at all. You should not feel guilty about days like that.

You might care about your work more than anything, but your priorities need to shift if you want to live your dream life. You need to start caring about yourself more than everything else. The rest can take (a close) second.

Healing Yourself Is The Most Uncomfortable, Disruptive, Important Thing You Will Ever Do

Healing your mind is not the same thing as healing your body. When you’re wounded, you often go through a progressive,  linear repair. You get better, until one day, you are nearly back to where you were before.

Healing your mind is completely different, because you aren’t returning to what you were before. You are gutting yourself and becoming someone entirely new.

If that seems a little bit violent and harsh, it should. Healing is not a lovely ascension into comfort and wellness to be experienced once and forevermore. Healing yourself is the most uncomfortable, disruptive, important thing you will ever do.

Healing yourself is returning to your most natural state, which is hungry for personal freedom, irreverent to the suffocating opinions of others, creates without doubt, shows up without fear, and loves without stipulations and agreements and conditions. Who you truly are is at once the best version of yourself you might not have ever imagined, and the most essential version of yourself that you have always been.

And getting to that place? It requires a lot.

Healing requires you to take an honest inventory of your grudges and aggressions and the wells of longing and fear you’ve been ignoring all this time. It requires you to take stock of exactly, precisely what is wrong with your life, so you can work to make it right. It requires you to be completely honest about how you really feel, and then it requires you to actually feel it. 

Healing requires you to feel the deep heartache lingering in you, instead of subconsciously re-creating the experience so you have an outlet to release it. Healing is no longer trying to sanitize your experience, to cleanse it until it is made perfect. Healing requires you to go through the full expression of every emotion that you cut off and buried when you decided you were no longer comfortable with it. Healing requires you to face every ounce of darkness within you, because just beneath what appears to be an impermeable barrier is complete, radical, total freedom. When you are no longer scared to feel anything, when you no longer resist any one part of your life, something magical happens: you find peace.

Let’s be clear: you are not going to suffer forever. This is not going to hurt for long. But to trick yourself into thinking that healing is just getting progressively better until you have unraveled all of your past experiences and can return to the version of yourself you were before you got hurt… well, that is to miss the point entirely.

We are meant to go through these periods of what some refer to as positive disintegration. It is when we must adapt our self-concept to become someone who can handle, if not thrive, in the situation that we are in.

This is healthy. This is normal. This is how we are supposed to respond.

But we cower, because it will be uncomfortable. It will not immediately give us the virtues of what we are taught is a worthwhile life: comfort and ease and the illusion that everything is just perfect on the surface.

Healing is not just what makes us feel better the fastest. It is building the right life, slowly, and over time. It is greeting ourselves at the reckoning, admitting where we’ve faltered. It is going back and resolving our mistakes, and going back within ourselves and resolving the anger and fear and small-mindedness that got us there in the first place.

Healing is refusing to tolerate the discomfort of change because you refuse to tolerate mediocrity for one second longer. The truth is that there is no way to escape discomfort, it finds us wherever we are. But we are either going to feel uneasy pushing past our self-imposed limits, breaking boundaries and becoming who we dream of being, or we’re going to feel it as we sit and mull over fears we fabricated to justify why we refuse to stand up and begin.

Healing is going to be hard at first. It is going to mean looking at yourself honestly, maybe for the first time ever. It is going to mean stepping out of your comfort zone so you can leap toward the person you want to be. It is not what makes you more comfortable and idle. It is what conditions you to be more motivated by discomfort than you are scared of it, and more inspired by your still moments than you use them to forge the chains of worry. Healing is going to change everything, but it has to start with you being willing to feel what you are afraid to feel.

Let’s be clear about something: becoming the best version of yourself is your natural inheritance. It is what you are born to do. Healing is just releasing the sickness that is the limiting beliefs and fears that are holding you back from doing exactly that.

8 False Beliefs We Need To Eradicate If We Want To Become Our Most Mentally Healthiest Self

Life doesn’t get easier, we get stronger.

We get stronger not because we necessarily become tougher, but because we learn.

We learn how to think, what to do, and how to perceive certain experiences in a way that allows us to grow and adapt to our circumstances as opposed to being defeated by them.

These are the top beliefs that we must shift if we want to become our most mentally healthiest self.

1. “I have to respond to everything that bothers me.”

Throughout the course of your life, you will be confronted with people, circumstances, and situations that are at times frustrating, at times blatantly unfair, and at times completely harrowing.

Often, your judgments will be warranted. Your anger will be justified. Your response will be healthy.

However, for the sake of your own mental health, you cannot respond to every single thing that bothers you. There’s just too much stimuli. You’ll end up completely consumed by it.

You have to learn what, and who deserves your attention.

What you give your energy to is what you bring to life.

2. “I am either defined by my worst mistakes or my greatest achievements.”

This polarized way of looking at yourself is neither healthy nor realistic.

People tend to either imagine that they are defined by one of two things: the worst things about their past, or the best ones. Neither tends to be completely true.

You are defined by how you treat other people, what you show up for, how kind you are, your defining characteristics, and how others feel when they are around you.

The people who actually care about you aren’t thinking about your greatest failures or successes when they’re around you.

You can balance out your perspective by remembering you’re probably not quite as bad, nor quite as perfect, as you might want to think.

3. “My growth is contingent upon my material successes.”

It’s easy to think that our success is measured by what other people can perceive — in other words, our worldly achievements.

Whether it’s belongings, status, physical attractiveness, or whatever else, it’s almost too easy to imagine that we are merely the sum of what others can physically see.

The truth is that our inner growth is far deeper, and often far more subtle than that.

Our growth is contingent upon our willingness to reflect, make a change, rest, and change the way we think.

4. “I am the sum of other people’s opinions about me.”

Of course, you’re going to continue being afraid of other people’s opinions when you think that you’re defined by the sum of them.

You aren’t.

Other people’s ideas of you are temporary, fleeting, constantly shifting, and largely filtered through their own feelings, beliefs, and insecurities.

Though it is true that if there’s a consensus about you, that might be worth exploring, a lot of the time, you have to take what others think with a grain of salt.

What matters far more is how you are willing to see yourself despite what their opinions may be.

5. “If I’m not the best, I’m not good enough.”

I know that the world has done a great job of convincing you that life is a competitive sport and that you are only as good as you are better than someone else.

This is simply untrue.

Another person’s beauty is not the absence of your own; another person’s success is not the absence of your own; another person’s happiness is not the absence of your own.

Every individual can experience their own version of a good, healthy, happy life.

You are not only as good as you are better than someone else.

6. “Other people only deserve my respect if they earn it.”

Everybody deserves your respect.

This is true even if you’re angry with someone, even if you disagree with their actions, even if you dislike them as a whole.

When you start deciding who deserves your respect and why you end up establishing rules and standards to give yourself respect.

It’s a toxic, vicious cycle.

If you just approach all people and treat them with dignity, you’ll find it a lot easier to have grace with yourself even when you’ve made mistakes or failed.

7. “The person I feel the strongest about is the person I’m meant to be with forever.”

The person you are meant to be with is the person you end up with.

No more, no less.

It doesn’t matter how strongly you feel, what they say or don’t say, what promises are made or not made, how electric you believe your star-crossed connection might be.

If that person does not show up and willingly commit to a relationship with you — that is not the person for you, not now, and maybe not ever.

The person you are meant to be with is the person who puts actions behind their words — nothing else to dissect.

8. “The outside world controls, and dictates, my destiny.”

When we think that the outside world has the power to take us off our path, we fear failure, or what might “fall through.”

When we become more self-aware, we recognize that even if the path may bow in a direction we didn’t anticipate, we always control the narrative and the final destination.

No matter the setback, we can always adapt, we can always adjust, and we can always learn.

It’s not about what the world doesn’t hand us — it’s about what we do with what it does.

33 Reminders For Anyone Who’s Feeling Overwhelmed Right Now

1. Be kind to yourself, you are doing the best you can.

2. Always keep moving forward.

3. You have the power to control your day.

4. Do not give up.

5. The beginning is always the hardest, but you can do it.

6. Each day is a new opportunity to embrace life.

7. No matter what happens never stop believing you will make it.

8. The only time you should ever look back is to see how far you’ve come.

9. You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.

10. Life goes on, life always goes on.

11. The sun will always rise, even on the darkest night.

12. Don’t overwork yourself, sometimes all you need is a little rest.

13. No matter what anyone says, if you think you can do it that’s all that matters.

14. Let life’s challenges help you discover who you are.

15. Remind yourself it is okay not to be perfect.

16. Remember opportunity always follows struggle.

17. Not every day is good, but there is something good in every day.

18.
 The only person you should try to be better than is who you were yesterday.

19. 
Life doesn’t get easier, you just get stronger.

20. Everyone has felt overwhelmed you’re not alone.

21. Take a deep breath in, you can only control so much.

22. Don’t let what you can’t do get in the way of what you can do.

23. Take everything one day at a time.

24. Don’t stress out about the things you can’t control.

25. Be honest with yourself about how much you can handle because you shouldn’t ever feel like you’re drowning in your own decisions.

26. Take a moment to appreciate how strong you are and how much you’ve already accomplished before you think about all you still have to do.

27. Sometimes all it takes is for you to acknowledge what is going on and learn from it.

28. All great changes are products of chaos.

29. Sometimes when we get overwhelmed we forget how small our problems really are.

30. You are not alone in this.

31. Sometimes all it takes is for you to slow down.

32. Work on calming yourself not the storm because the storm will always pass.

33. 
Just breathe.