This Is What It Means To Heal

I used to think healing was simply getting over someone that hurt you or did you wrong. I thought it was just moving on and forgetting. Like the person didn’t happen at all. An un tag. An unfollow. Deleting them as a friend. That’s how you are supposed to heal right? But the truth is healing isn’t about forgetting the person. It isn’t about trying to forget the memories that used to make you smile. Healing isn’t just growing silent when it comes to talking about them because your friends are tired of healing it.

Healing is acknowledging the fact that the person mattered. That you had a history that isn’t worth forgetting. Healing is about moving on at your own pace not when someone tells you, you should be over it. Healing is about waking up every single day and knowing it’s okay to look back. It’s okay to reach for your phone hoping you hear from them. It’s okay that you haven’t healed yet. Because healing is a process. Healing takes time. And the truth is even when you’ve moved on and you’re dating someone new there are going to be moments that hit you, where you miss them.

Healing is understanding your pain. Respecting your pain. Looking it dead in the eyes and understanding why you feel the way you do. It’s analyzing things and replaying scenarios but one day it hits you XYZ is why it didn’t work out.

It’s having that day where even if they did come back you wouldn’t choose them again. Healing isn’t forgetting. It isn’t as simple as forgiving them either. It’s forgiving yourself too. It’s taking a hard look at the person you were in the relationship and finding areas you could improve in the next relationship. It’s understanding even someone you swore you loved might not be meant for you.

Healing is moving past that initial anger and just wanting them to be happy even if it’s without you. It’s someone saying their name and you don’t cringe. It’s your best friend talking about them and you don’t have anything bad or negative to say. Healing is the respect you have for yourself and your ex because even if it did end, that doesn’t erase your history.

Healing is beginning to date again and not comparing their best to someone new. It’s realizing that things didn’t work for a reason and you can’t be hung up on it. It’s watching them move on and being okay with that pain at first but then moving forward yourself and not clinging to it.

Healing is when you see them out and you don’t have to leave. When civil conversations don’t make you angry. When seeing them post something might make you miss them for a moment but you don’t dwell anymore.

Healing is allowing all those ugly emotions to get flushed out of your system instead of harboring them there. It’s letting go when you’re ready. On your own agenda.

Then you take that next small step. You start dating when you’re ready. When you’re able to give someone your best. When falling for them is genuine and not because you are lonely.

Healing is a process. A process we sometimes feel guilty for as emotions we don’t like come to the surface. But it’s those emotions that are essential to moving on.

Then you move on and you realize every person we’ve ever loved we take with us and they are never really gone or that far when their memory leaves an imprint on our heart.

For The Girl Who Doesn’t Know Her Worth

I have seen your forgiving heart.
I have seen your grace.

I have seen you be selfless so many times, giving all your love to the ones closest to you, and even to strangers. I have seen you smile on your worst days, and find the strength to keep on giving, even when you can barely lift your head.

You are incredibly beautiful, inside and out, never giving up on the ones you love, even when you’re exhausted by the world.

I watch you, day after day, pick up the chipped pieces of yourself and stick them together with a tape that’s barely strong enough to get you through the next night.

Yet you continue.

You give your heart to people who don’t see your beauty through the brokenness. You console and comfort friends who do not understand the power of your care, your forgiveness.

You surround yourself with people that you need to fix, with people that you must work to love. But even when you fall into your bed at the end of each night, you don’t see what an incredible difference you’ve made.

You think that you deserve the cold words, the turned faces. You think you deserve friends that pull away and men who don’t love you back.

You somehow turn everything back to yourself, and wonder if you’ll ever be good enough.

Well you are good enough.
You’re more than enough.

I wish I could tell you that you are noticed. That the wonderful, little ways you brighten people’s lives are important. Are valued. I wish I could tell you that your eyes sparkle and bring life to ones’ whose days feel dull and empty. That your smile lifts people from their anger. That your laugh makes those around you want to close their eyes and lean their heads back to bask in the sweet sound.

I wish I could tell you that God has made you perfect, just as you are—a fighter, a sinner, a flawed and broken and beautiful warrior of love.

I wish I could tell you to keep loving, even when the world looks the other way.

I wish I could tell you that sometimes you give your heart to people who don’t deserve it, in love or in friendship, and it becomes a hard lesson learned.

I wish I could tell you that you must never accept a half-love, a love that is nowhere near the amount you give.

I wish I could tell you that you are a blessing to so many people.
And that you need to bless yourself sometimes.

I wish I could tell you that life will be so hard, but you must keep on living. That you must find reasons to celebrate, to pull strength, to stay pure, even when people hurt you.

I wish I could tell you that you will face so much pain, but you cannot let it break you. You must find a way to see yourself, your worth, and know that you are an important part of this world.

I wish I could tell you that you matter.
And you are loved.

You Are Better Than Your Worst Days, You Are Stronger Than Your Weakest Moments

Stop sitting up at night, replaying all of your awkward moments in your head. Stop thinking about the ways you have screwed up in the past. Stop selling yourself short, because you are better than your worst days.

Everyone has said things they aren’t proud of saying. Everyone has done things they wish they could erase from their mind. Everyone has regrets about what they have done and what they have failed to do.

You can’t let your worst moments define you. Failing once does not mean you are going to fail every other time you put yourself out there. It does not mean you should give up and go home.

If one person rejects you, that does not mean you should stop dating forever. If one boss fires you, that does not mean you should stop working forever. It does not mean you should throw up your hands and say you tried your hardest but it wasn’t good enough. You have to dust yourself off and take another shot.

You can’t let your doubts stall you. You can’t hide yourself away in your bedroom because you’re worried about history repeating itself.

Whenever something goes wrong, you have to try again. You have to give it another go. You have to work your ass off to get where you want to end up.

Don’t let one bad experience convince you to give up on yourself. Don’t let your insecurities chew away your desire to chase your dreams. 

You have to keep in mind that you are better than your worst days. You are stronger than you will ever admit to yourself. You might not see how powerful you are, but ask one of your friends and see what they have to say. They are sure to raise your spirits, raise your hopes, and raise your expectations for yourself.

You are doing better than you give yourself credit for, so stop hating yourself when you should be loving yourself.

You are strong, even when you break down in tears. You are beautiful, even when you feel too gross to leave the house. You are going to make something of yourself, even though you feel like you keep screwing up every opportunity that comes your way.

One day, everything will fall into place. Not because the universe owes you something. Because you are going to work your ass off until it happens.

You have the courage. You have the dedication. You just can’t give up on yourself, even when you are tempted to stop trying.

No matter how hard life becomes, stop acting like the world is against you, because the world is in the palm of your hand. You can do whatever you set your heart on — it just won’t happen overnight. It takes time. Patience. Effort.

If you want something, you can get it. You can make it happen as long as you never forget that you are better than your worst days. You are stronger than your weakest moments. 

Embracing Your Passion Is The Key To Discovering Your Purpose

“You don’t find your passion, your passion has already found you — you just need to look inward to discover it.”

Our passions are those things that interest us and make our souls come alive when we take a risk and leap — with no other foreseeable landing or outcome in sight other than the enjoyment we get when we do what we love.

Sadly, most people give up the one thing that makes them come alive because of what others may think or out of the fear of not being able to support themselves while doing what they love — yet their passions are tied directly to who they are.

Embracing the things that you love is the gateway to self discovery — your passion is an extension of you that allows you to showcase the full expression of who you are to the world, in relation to your purpose.

Fear is also often tied to embracing our passions because it goes against everything that society, our friends and our families taught us about how to survive in a world where only the “beautiful” and “talented” can support themselves by doing what they love.

But this just isn’t true.

Our passions make us feel the way they do because they’re in direct alignment with our purpose.

Upon discovering your passion, own the fact that it’s apart of your identity and what makes you, you — don’t be shy about it, either. Don’t worry about the people that will misunderstand you because most people don’t even understand themselves — which is why they spend their energy and time trying to convince you that you don’t understand “you” either.

The only person that your passion has to make sense to is you, and trying to make someone understand why you’re doing what you love will only take your magic away.

The people who stand out when they finally find their niche in life through embracing their passions are the ones who are unapologetic about what they love to do — because they know that the thing that makes their soul come alive is the wings they were given to fly.

Hold On Babe —You’re Worth It

The struggle can be real…so real that you can’t stand it. So real that you can’t stand up because you feel stuck. Stuck in depression, desperation, despair. I want you to know, it’s NOT in your head. It doesn’t define you. You can and will move forward.

Give yourself the grace and mercy to feel what you’re feeling. The pain you’ve felt is not a mere story you tell yourself. It’s easy for others to dismiss it as such but you know what you feel isn’t just a story. It consumes you like a hungry fire, searching for oxygen, enveloping you in the pain of living. On these days, living, breathing, simple tasks like opening your eyes, can be difficult and doesn’t seem worth it. I know that feeling. I’ve been in that space. You are not alone and there’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t allow anyone to tell you that you can’t feel this hurt. But allow yourself to have the hope that you can rise again from this.

It’s not easy to hold on to hope when you feel your life slipping from your grasp. But dig your nails in and swing from its ledge. It will not crumble and let you fall. Hold on to the belief that things can change. That they WILL change. Whether you believe in something higher than yourself (God, the Universe, a Creator of some sort, etc), or whether you simply believe in yourself, hold on to that belief that you are worthy of being saved. Even if the only one to save you is yourself. Even in the darkness, where it’s hardest to believe this, when it’s hardest to believe because the pain is so thick, I beg you to hold on anyway because you are worth the effort. You are worth fighting for.

I hope you know that your space in this world matters. If you don’t believe anything else, know that. You are worthy simply because you are here. You are the personification of unabashed effort, faith and love. You can get through the darkest of hours to reach your clearing where peace resides. A peace that not only surpasses all understanding, but can replace the pain that you have felt for so long that you don’t know that there’s another, better way. Know that you are worth holding on to and for. You are worth the time you need to take for your mercy, grace, sanity…you are worth having the time you need to see your worthiness. And you are worth the journey it takes to get to your peace.

On your darkest days…in your darkest hours…hold on my dear. Your time is coming.