I am always worried. I overthink situations in my head, even those that have not happened yet. I look so far ahead of me. Sometimes, I wish I can fast-forward my life to the day when my story is better, and when my world is bigger.
Somehow I am more focused in looking at the things that I don’t have instead of appreciating the things that I have. I compare my journey to someone else’s journey, while neglecting the truth that I have a different route in life to take. I keep thinking that I’m behind. I keep choosing to be blind to notice the blessings You’ve been showering me with. I keep forgetting to let go.
Because the truth is, I allow myself to believe that I have so much control in my life. I can arrive to my destination by myself. I have the power to make a difference using my own decision, my own voice, my own ability.
I have been doing everything on my own. And honestly, I’m tired.
I’m tired of relying solely on my own. I’m tired of constantly proving myself to the world. I’m tired of pretending I never have moments of weakness. I am tired of being the captain of my boat.
And I am here to surrender to You.
I’m offering You my life, my desire, my wishes, and my dreams. I’m letting You take over, day and night. Because God, You know better. You know what’s right for me.
I’m giving You my heart because You are the only one who can take care of it, protect it, and nurture it. You can wrap it with Your love until it stops beating with confusion. And I know that in Your loving fingers, I am assured that my heart will not be broken. It will always be complete. It will always stay calm.
I’m giving up trying to act like I know what I’m doing, and I know where I’m going. It is only You who has a better understanding of my life. And I promise to keep my trust in You. I promise to always make my faith in You stronger, even on the days that I forget to let You steer my direction based on Your purpose.
I will try to stop worrying so much about the things that I can’t control. I will no longer attempt to find answers to all questions. I will never doubt You when I’m in the middle of my struggles. Instead, I will let my life unfold according to Your plans.
I will follow You wherever You want me to go. I will rest my head on Your shoulder when things get rough and remind myself that beside you — I will always be safe. With You, I will always be loved, guided, understood, wanted. In Your presence, nothing can go wrong.
And even if I don’t see You with my own eyes, I can feel You in my soul, in my heart. I know that You’re near me, ready to protect me, forever willing to save me. You’re quick to lend me Your ears when nobody wants to hear me. You’re there to calm me when everything in my life is spinning out of control. You’re there to catch me when I fall.
My life makes so much sense when I stop fighting against the waves, when I let You row my boat, when You stand beside me as I watch the sun swallowed by the dark sky.
I’m at peace every time I give myself the permission to trust the unknown. I fall in love with my life more when I remember Your words, Your promises, Your unfading love.
And I get less scared when I tighten my grip to Your hand, knowing that Someone fights for me, regardless if I’m strong or weak.