For the longest time, I never talked about my insecurities, issues, failures, mistakes, and any troubles that I had been going through because I always wanted to be perceived in a certain way. It was difficult for me to tell anyone when I messed up. It was not easy to admit I had insecurities. It was very hard for me to share my fears with someone or talk about my traumas or phobias. I didn’t want people to get the wrong impression of me. I didn’t want anyone to know my weaknesses and use them against me someday. All this ended up making me show some layers of myself and keep the other ones hidden. I didn’t open up with someone else about what was occupying my mind the most because I wanted to appear tough and as if I had it all together. I kept being this way for a really long time, which made me feel incredibly lonely because I was going through everything on my own.
I didn’t speak to anyone about my anxiety or depression or any tremendous fear I had about something. I didn’t share with anyone how bad I had been doing lately. I didn’t open up to anyone at all till I met people along the way who were not afraid to be vulnerable with me. Those people so bravely shared with me their struggles and their deepest low points. They trusted me enough to engage me in their struggles and healing journeys. They weren’t afraid to show me all their insecurities and tell me all about the things they did and were ashamed of. They weren’t actually scared to show me this part of themselves — this weak, ugly, unfiltered, and raw side of them. And I couldn’t help but feel the beauty of this.
It’s such a beautiful thing when the person in front of you is not afraid to be vulnerable when they are with you, because they make you feel like it’s okay to be vulnerable too. It’s okay to mess up and say that I messed up. It’s okay to say that I have insecurities and that I don’t know how to deal with them. It’s okay to say to others that you’ve been through so many things that messed you up to the extent that you just can’t get back to what used to be your usual self. It’s okay to say that you’re emotionally tired and drained. Seeing how others were unashamedly vulnerable with me helped me let my guard down and finally be able to be vulnerable in front of someone else. And for the very first time in so long, I felt somewhat free. I felt like all these things I held deep within me were finally out there, and I was engaging someone else in helping me with them.
When I started sharing all the things I was so cautious about sharing, I found so many people out there like me. I found others who were going through the same things, and I felt like I became less and less lonely every single time I talked to one of them. We shared each other’s experiences and we learned from one another. We understood things about ourselves, and we acquired wisdom and knowledge about dealing with what we’re going through just by sharing with one another. Opening up to others has healed my constant feeling of loneliness because I realized that I wasn’t the only one going through what I was going through, but others were dealing with the same exact things.
I used to perceive vulnerability as something that would make me look weak, but it’s actually the essence of bravery and strength. It’s this beautiful state of honesty and rawness that lets you communicate intimately with the person in front of you like never before. It’s actually the cure that nobody told us about.