First of all, you are good enough. Life can be really tough at times and not only is it tremendously hard dealing with real-life problems but battling with your own mind is a challenge of its own too.
I really do believe it when people say you should feed your mind with positive thoughts because it works but it takes time. Think about those times where you looked at yourself in the mirror and you felt like demons inside your head were spitting words at you like ‘I don’t feel good enough, I’m stupid or I’m not special’.
Those aren’t demons talking. It’s just thoughts inside your head that your subconscious has been keeping note of. Every time you surround yourself with negativity your brain thinks that is how you are. Because the truth is, you really are what you think.
As soon as you start nourishing your brain with positive thoughts, you will find that your mind is helping you not tormenting you. When you are faced with a problematic situation or you are feeling low in yourself, your mind will start to guide you and it will start loving you back.
Think about the time you had braces or your leg was in a cast, you had no choice but to carry on, to survive. The times were tough, and you reached a low point in your life where you just wanted to be free again but things take time, you will heal, and you will rise again.
You survived because you had to, remember this applies to your mind too.
You should try and grab the bad days by the palms of your hands and try to understand why you feel this way. Identify your sadness, and if it’s just a feeling, then you must remember that feeling will pass. If it’s a real life problem you must figure out how to solve it, not dwell on it because dwelling only creates excuses, it does not solve the issue.
Even on your lowest days, you must remind yourself you are good enough. Say it to yourself every single day, and before you know it, your mind will be saying it back to you when you need it the most.
Strength is believing in love when you’ve only known heartbreak.
It’s drying your own tears that no one knew you cried.
Strength is overcoming your own demons or vices.
And looking at someone who completely broke you and you forgive them.
Strength is helping others even when it’s you that hasn’t quite figured it out yet.
It’s trusting everyone even though you have every reason not to.
Strength is biting your tongue when someone is unkind and realizing it’s a reflection of them and not you.
It’s holding on and believing in something you know you deserve but haven’t gotten yet.
Strength is when everyone doubts you but you believe in yourself anyway.
But the truth is I’m strong but I’m tired.
I’m tired of being hurt every time I get my hopes up.
I’m tired of anticipating the worst and watching it play out.
I’m tired of being let down.
And always blaming myself for things.
I’m tired of people telling me I need to change. Then every time I try to I lose myself in an attempt to make them happy.
I’m tired of constantly being challenged and always having to be the bigger person.
I’m tired of thinking too much about people who care too little.
I’m tired of overthinking.
I’m tired of spending 15 minutes of coming up with a text only to get an answer K.
I’m tired of trying so hard to please others when I don’t ask for much in return.
I’m tired of staying up at night as thoughts consume me and I can’t sleep.
I’m tired of carrying this weight on my shoulders from my past that haunts me.
I’m tired of being strong for everyone.
I’m tired of always figuring out the solutions when it isn’t even my problem, to begin with.
I’m tired of the explanations that came too late. And people walking away with no reason when I’m the one holding the door saying, ‘I’ll miss you.’ The truth is caring as much as this hurts. It’s knowing pain at levels others never will. It’s knowing sadness and darkness the way others don’t. It’s experiencing heartbreak that hurts more than any physical amount of pain.
But on the other end of such intense emotions is knowing a love so deep, it fills you despite their absence. Despite a sadness you can’t shake, on most days, you’ll experience the happiness that makes it worth it. Despite the pain of endings, you’ll look forward to new beginnings. Because you know when you get it right it’s worth it.
And the truth is if you ask any person who is like this, what they would choose, they wouldn’t change anything about themselves even if they are tired.
There is something rare about a person that strong. They are the healers of the world. They are the light for others in darkness. They are the hope when everyone has lost it and they end up being loved deeply by everyone for being exactly who they are and not changing when others allowed pain to change them.
The truth is though regardless of how tired or hurt or disappointed these people feel, the fact they haven’t changed is why they are different. Pain changes most people but for some they see pain simply as the other end of the same spectrum that love is on, so they stay the path and keep their heads high.
When you numb your pain, you’re cutting yourself off to part of living. When you numb your pain, you’re not letting yourself be fully human. When you numb your pain, you’re not getting rid of it and you’re not wiping it away. You’re not making it disappear, either. You’re just burying it.
And then it’s only a matter of time before it resurfaces.
I hope you know it’s ok to not be ok.
I hope you stop pretending to be ok for the ones around you, too.
I hope you let yourself feel.
Are you sad? Let yourself feel that sadness. Recognize how it soaks into your bones, how it rests heavy on your heart. Let yourself drown in your tears until you have no more water within you, till it feels like you have nothing left to give and your bones are dry. Let yourself feel the rawness of the wound – where it hurts and where it’s hollow.
If you jump to numbness, how can you heal?
I hope you know it’s ok to not be ok.
I hope you stop pretending to be ok for the ones around you, too.
I hope you let yourself feel.
I hope you let yourself feel your pain. I hope you let it reach your heart, your mind, your soul. I hope you feel it from your fingers to your toes. I hope you recognize how your pain affects how you navigate through this world – how it bleeds into your work, into your relationships with others, into your relationship with your self.
I hope you feel it.
When you let yourself feel it, it becomes easier to work through it. When you let yourself feel it, you’re able to climb to the other side of pain. When you let yourself feel it, healing becomes tangible and feasible, and within your reach.
When you let yourself feel your pain, instead of numbing it, joy becomes the thing you hold onto and the thing you seek.
I hope you know it’s ok to not be ok.
I hope you stop pretending to be ok for the ones around you, too.
As human beings, we know that we all experience a range of emotions — that’s who we are, as social creatures. When we feel a strong emotion or a strong feeling, we tend to act on it, no matter what.
According to some scientists: “…emotions are judgments about the extent that the current situation meets your goals. Happiness is the evaluation that your goals are being satisfied, as when winning the lottery solves your financial problems and being asked out holds the promise of satisfying your romantic needs. Similarly, sadness is the evaluation that your goals are not being satisfied, and anger is the judgment aimed at whatever is blocking the accomplishment of your goals.”
Types of Emotions
Well, we can identify them and place them into 8 different categories, based on Robert Plutchik’s theory. Robert Plutchik was an American Psychologist and Professor who studied human emotions. Plutchik’s theory was that there are 8 distinct, basic human emotions: happiness, sadness, fear, anger, disgust, surprise, acceptance, and anticipation. He figured this out by developing an emotion wheel.
Although Plutchik’s wheel was (and is) one of the best-known concepts about our complex emotions, some people believe that there are only 2 or 3 basic emotions and everything else falls into a hierarchy of secondary emotions and tertiary emotions. For example, “love” can be broken down into secondary emotions—“affection” and “longing”—and even “affection” can be broken down into tertiary emotions of “liking,” “caring,” and “compassion.”
Along with emotions, we also have emotional responses. Psychologists who study emotional intelligence believe that when we feel either a negative or a positive emotion, we respond in 2 ways: psychological and behavioral.
When you experience fear, you know that there’s a lot more to it: your stomach turns, your heart races with anxiety, and you might even start sweating or getting full-body chills. This is your body’s fight or flight response, all controlled by within your nervous system. Therefore, this can be identified as a psychological response.
Now, because this is your body going into fight or flight mode, we tend to act out on these feelings. For example, if we are feeling fear or anxiety, we might start to cry. Or, if we experience feelings of relief after the fear or anxiety leaves our body, we might respond with facial experiences of a smile or raised eyebrows.
Combination of Emotions + Feelings
Anticipation + Joy = Optimism (with its opposite being disapproval)
Joy + Trust = Love (with its opposite being remorse)
Trust + Fear = Submission (with its opposite being contempt)
Fear + Surprise = Awe (with its opposite being aggression)
Surprise + Sadness = Disapproval (with its opposite being optimism)
Sadness + Disgust = Remorse (with its opposite being love)
Disgust + Anger = Contempt (with its opposite being submission)
Anger + Anticipation = Aggressiveness (with its opposite being awe)
There are so many kinds of emotion we can feel on a daily basis, but everything we feel develops out from our core emotions.
So let’s develop these words and understand more about our emotional vocabulary. Let’s say you’re feeling happy. Your emotional experience is excitement, content, joy, satisfaction, and the physical sensations you act on are smiling, laughing, feeling your body at peace. Make sense?
A pleasant state of joy, contentment, satisfaction., and overall wellbeing.
We respond with facial experiences like smiling or maybe laughing and a relaxed body stance/demure.
Sadness:
State of grief, hopelessness, sorrow.
We respond by crying, staying quiet, or withdrawing from people/isolating ourselves.
Disgust:
Mainly a reaction to something that is bad or evil—can be something that is as simple as rotten food to as extreme as a dead body.
We respond by turning away, vomiting, wrinkling our nose.
Anger:
A powerful emotion that can also play a part in your fight or flight response.
We respond with frowning, glaring, a change in the tone of voice, turning red, sweating, or aggressively lashing out.
And now here’s a long list of emotions you might be feeling, including core emotions and secondary emotions and tertiary emotions:
Happiness
Pride
Excitement
Peace
Satisfaction
Acceptance
Affection
Joy
Compassion
Adoration
Desire
Grateful
Love
Humble
Contentment
Empathetic
Amusement
Appreciative
Confident
Optimistic
Cheerful
Carefree
Sweet
Kind
Loyal
Lust
Gladsomeness
Goofy
Inspired
Enchanted
Funny
Friendly
Calm
Sensual
Awe
Warm
Romantic
Aware
Comfortable
Free
Courageous
Hopeful
Fascinated
Tender
Proud
Relief
Eager
Sexy
Understanding
Patient
Surprised
Craving
Wonder
Amazed
Sentimental
Focused
Determined
Fearful
Grieved
Distracted
Baffled
Needy
Lost
Self-pity
Pessimistic
Hysteria
Withdrawal
Worried
Doubtful
Frazzled
Sorrow
Curious
Guilt
Apologetic
Horrified
Overwhelmed
Nervous
Anxious
Terrified
Cautious
Panicked
Alienated
Challenged
Jealous
Fraud (feeling like a)
Stressed
Agony
Empty
Shock
Desperate
Confused
Alone
Tense
Curious
Suspicious
Paranoid
Reluctant
Skeptical
Sulkiness
Horror
Sadness
Unhappy
Emptiness
Misery
Aching
Insecure
Apathetic
Defeated
Pity
Submissive
Lonely
Melancholy
Heartbroken
Depressed
Worn out
Glum
Cowardly
Gloomy
Hurting
Disappointed
Tired
Lovesick
Left out
Resigned
Miserable
Shy
Vulnerable
Yearning
Nostalgia
Remorse
Pensive
Protective
Dismay
Distress
Wanderlust
Anger
Annoyed
Bitter
Frustrated
Dislike
Spite
Uncomfortable
Offended
Bitter
Infuriated
Rage
Cheated
Vengeful
Impatient
Disgust
Animosity
Insulted
Cold
Envy
Uneasy
Loathe
Hopeless
Troubled
Embarrassed
Boredom
Wrath
Disapproval
Craving
Outrage
Awkward
Hatred
Resentment
Lazy
Mean
Hatred
Cranky
Aggressive
Horror
Vigilant
Pity
Cruel
Resentful
Disgust
Delirious
Denial
Obsessed
Defensive
Destructive
Understanding your feelings can be really hard. Psychologist Dacher Keltner even worked with Pixar to develop the children’s movie Inside Out where every character is a different emotion, to help viewers (children) recognize their feelings. With characters Joy, Disgust, Anger, Fear, and Sadness, this story allows us to understand that it’s okay to be emotional and to have feelings because that’s what makes you human.
Emotions FAQ:
What’s the difference between feeling emotional and feeling moody?
“Emotions” are intense but short-lived, while “moods” are milder yet long-lasting. Emotions are also caused by something specific: if someone does something to anger or disgust you, you might act out on that feeling. Moods happen randomly, aren’t triggered by anyone or anything, and typically have no real reason for their existence. For example, people who have diagnosed anxiety, depression, or bipolar disorder experience unexplainable moods frequently.
Where is shame located on the emotional wheel?
In the categories of emotion, shame could be recognized as an emotional experience to sadness or disgust. It can often be confused with guilt. Shame is a self-conscious feeling we get when our positive state is interrupted and we feel unworthy and inadequate. “Feeling embarrassed” is also considered to be “feeling ashamed.”
How does someone respond to shame?
A person can act on their feeling of shame by becoming more emotional and developing feelings of anger and blame. For example, someone who is feeling ashamed for something—maybe they feel ugly or believe they aren’t smart enough—they will start to feel anger and will lash out on someone else and make them feel about something instead. It’s a classic case of bullying if you think about it: using someone else as a scapegoat for feelings.
What’s the difference between emotions and feelings?
According to iMotions, “Feelings are sparked by emotions and shaped by personal beliefs or memories.” So, emotions are something that is felt and manifested in the unconscious mind, while feelings are both emotional experiences and physical sensations that tend to linger and “soak in.” So, for example, if you have a fear of ghosts or the dark, you might also have an underlying fear of death. This feeling of fear lingersand can cause you to respond in an emotional (anxiety) and physical way (crying, heart racing). Feelings are a conscious response to emotional reactions.
