Doubt can be charming. I should know; I’ve spent a lifetime being courted by worries.
In that time, I’ve seen how inhibition can be hypnotizing and worries can be spellbinding. I’ve witnessed how easy it is to be lured into worst-case scenarios and limiting beliefs that constrict the very heart you beat with.
I’ve felt how unsettling it can be for the charm to turn into false starts and desire to turn into disappointments. I’ve known it, I’ve experienced it, and I have grown to expect it after all of these years. I have grown used to first chapters and unfinished stories that start with mesmerizing sentences and end with foreshadowed hesitations.
I have to admit that I have felt a spark of skepticism and have lived in a world that always proceeds with, “What if?” I have danced with uncertainty and dated insecurity and even fallen for suspicions. I have gone steady with misgivings and been kept up all night wrapped up in cynicism.
So, to be honest with you, sometimes believing in anything promising is like playing tug of war with my past. But, I wonder, what would it be like to change the narrative? To shift preferences unapologetically?
What would it be like to be pursued by possibility? To trust in maybes? The very idea of it lights a fire in me. A fire lit by the stars I gave up wishing on. Still there, waiting as I dream. The very thought of it makes me yearn for possibilities and animates an insatiable curiosity for “what else” rather than “what if.”
So, here’s what’s going to happen. I’ve come to the decision that doubt is no longer my type. I choose not to be charmed by anxieties and instead turn to be attracted by opportunity.
Perhaps even be dazzled by chance. Or maybe serenaded by serendipity. Or even chased by the real thing. Maybe “maybes” don’t have to be a bad thing. Oh, wouldn’t that be something?
After a lifetime of being tempted by doubts, I must tell you it feels far better to be wooed by hope.
I hope you find the wisdom to understand why you’re better off without some people and why some people had to leave instead of holding on without really knowing why. I hope you find the strength to let go before you fall. I hope you find the courage to leave before you get lost. I hope you trust the instincts that tell you if something doesn’t feel right or if someone is lying to you. I hope you see people for who they are not who you want them to be.
I hope you know that life is hard but it gets easier when the things that are meant for you fall into place. It gets easier when you don’t try to fight God’s plan or timing. It gets easier when you stop running and stay put. When you learn how to wait because good things take time and good people are hard to find and God won’t make everything easy for you. I hope you know that what’s meant for you will never pass you by.
I hope you understand that if it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. That if you have to force things to happen and lie to yourself and go against your beliefs, then it’s not for you. I hope you don’t get attached to wrong things or temporary things. I hope you understand that your journey doesn’t have to be like anyone else. Your timeline doesn’t have to align with your friends. Your age doesn’t define what you should own or how much you should make or how many kids you should have.
I hope you learn how to let go of the life you wanted and live the one that’s meant for you. Live your journey. Live your own story. I hope you learn how to let go of what’s not yours.
I hope you know the difference between what you want and what you need. I hope you put more trust in God and less trust in people. I hope you have faith in his plans and be humble enough to realize that you don’t know everything and you could be wrong.
I hope you learn that no matter how hard you fight, you’re bound to lose the battles that are not meant to be yours.
I hope you wait for your own blessings. I hope you don’t stop believing that your time is coming. I hope you hold your head up high and walk away with pride when you feel unwanted or unappreciated. I hope you know that when you find what’s meant for you, the confusion will go away. The madness will make sense. The pain inside your heart will vanish. And your happy ending will find you.