I used to think healing was simply getting over someone that hurt you or did you wrong. I thought it was just moving on and forgetting. Like the person didn’t happen at all. An un tag. An unfollow. Deleting them as a friend. That’s how you are supposed to heal right? But the truth is healing isn’t about forgetting the person. It isn’t about trying to forget the memories that used to make you smile. Healing isn’t just growing silent when it comes to talking about them because your friends are tired of healing it.
Healing is acknowledging the fact that the person mattered. That you had a history that isn’t worth forgetting. Healing is about moving on at your own pace not when someone tells you, you should be over it. Healing is about waking up every single day and knowing it’s okay to look back. It’s okay to reach for your phone hoping you hear from them. It’s okay that you haven’t healed yet. Because healing is a process. Healing takes time. And the truth is even when you’ve moved on and you’re dating someone new there are going to be moments that hit you, where you miss them.
Healing is understanding your pain. Respecting your pain. Looking it dead in the eyes and understanding why you feel the way you do. It’s analyzing things and replaying scenarios but one day it hits you XYZ is why it didn’t work out.
It’s having that day where even if they did come back you wouldn’t choose them again. Healing isn’t forgetting. It isn’t as simple as forgiving them either. It’s forgiving yourself too. It’s taking a hard look at the person you were in the relationship and finding areas you could improve in the next relationship. It’s understanding even someone you swore you loved might not be meant for you.
Healing is moving past that initial anger and just wanting them to be happy even if it’s without you. It’s someone saying their name and you don’t cringe. It’s your best friend talking about them and you don’t have anything bad or negative to say. Healing is the respect you have for yourself and your ex because even if it did end, that doesn’t erase your history.
Healing is beginning to date again and not comparing their best to someone new. It’s realizing that things didn’t work for a reason and you can’t be hung up on it. It’s watching them move on and being okay with that pain at first but then moving forward yourself and not clinging to it.
Healing is when you see them out and you don’t have to leave. When civil conversations don’t make you angry. When seeing them post something might make you miss them for a moment but you don’t dwell anymore.
Healing is allowing all those ugly emotions to get flushed out of your system instead of harboring them there. It’s letting go when you’re ready. On your own agenda.
Then you take that next small step. You start dating when you’re ready. When you’re able to give someone your best. When falling for them is genuine and not because you are lonely.
Healing is a process. A process we sometimes feel guilty for as emotions we don’t like come to the surface. But it’s those emotions that are essential to moving on.
Then you move on and you realize every person we’ve ever loved we take with us and they are never really gone or that far when their memory leaves an imprint on our heart.
I believe that every single one of us has a unique gift and task that we came here to accomplish.
When you move inward and make the deliberate decision to heal in mind, body and spirit, you create space in your conscious mind to discover what this is. Your life experiences are the puzzle pieces leading you to a higher path. Unfortunately, for many of us, these pieces will go unnoticed because of the powerful distractions our ego-mind has found comfort in.
Most of us consciously and unconsciously choose to avoid pain. We try to drown it out with any distraction we can; scrolling through social media, snacking, binge-watching Netflix, gossiping or using drugs and alcohol to escape the “mundane-reality” of day to day life.
Others find comfort within the pain and continue to reopen their wounds over and over again without ever truly going deep enough to heal them. They tell the same heartbreaking story again and again because their pain has taken over their ego identity. Instead of using the pain as a stepping stone to improve their life, they have allowed it to define their place in the world. Rather than transforming their pain into purpose, they have allowed their purpose in life to be their pain.
Underneath the pain you are carrying is the key to this deeper understanding of your soul. Within you, you hold all the wisdom, power, and clarity you need to move into your higher path and purpose.
What kind of pain are you transforming?
Pain from your childhood, heartbreak, abandonment, loneliness, longing?
While your pain is unique to you, we are all one, and we all hurt. Every human being suffers; it is a critical component of our human experience. The good news is, we all have the power within us to transform any suffering, pain, and fear into the powerful energy of healing and love. This is the energy that supports you in receiving all of the goodness you’ve been calling into your life.
Collectively, I believe our goal is to raise the vibrations and consciousness of humanity. In other words – to change the world.
We do this by transforming our pain individually. This then allows us to become a leading light to help spark the fire of change in others.
Pain is your teacher and holds a great purpose. You must be willing to face the discomfort. Feel the pain, and learn the lessons you are meant to learn to discover the gifts hidden within them. Every painful experience you overcome is an opportunity to transform. You can shift the low vibrational, dense energy into the higher vibrations of love, abundance, peace, and freedom.
Our ego often leads us to believe that no one else can understand our pain. It convinces us that we are alone in our suffering.
This type of thinking allows pain to create a further disconnect between us.
The truth is, our suffering has the potential to bring us closer together as one. Through overcoming challenges, we have an opportunity to move towards a more collective state of consciousness. When you make the conscious choice to heal from the past and learn from your pain, you expand in your capacity to empathize, love and have compassion for others. You’re now able to understand the heartbreak someone else could be feeling because you have fully endured it yourself. You can now put yourself in the shoes of their experience, and see beyond yourself, beyond your suffering. Knowing that healing is possible, you can now help another person by inspiring them with what is possible when you turn your pain into power.
Whatever your experiences have been, and whatever your suffering, please know that you are not alone. Your pain is serving a powerful purpose. This was all part of your plan. You are strong enough to overcome it, but it takes patience and courage to face the darkness and transform it into light.
For many of us, this initial sadness stems from childhood, a time when we were too small to deal with our hurt. Because of this, we have become so good at avoiding and covering up the pain that we’ve forgotten it even exists – but it is there. You carry it around with you everywhere you go, and it is not going to go away until you confront it.
There are many things you can do to support your mind, body and soul in this healing journey such as
Self Reflection & Healing Support Strategies
Discovering who you are, beyond your thoughts, is a game-changer. When you begin to notice how many of your thoughts are fueled by negativity and fear, in an attempt to keep you “safe” from your pain, you’ll gain the strength and momentum you need to heal. The good news is that thoughts are just thoughts; they are not who you are. With awareness, compassion and kindness towards yourself, along with your healing, you can begin to change them.
Meditation & Mindfulness
Our minds are created to think and think and think, but sometimes we need to give it a little break to get the answers we’re looking for. Even just practicing mindfulness and meditation for two minutes a day can be life-changing. Try not to get caught up in the “I don’t know how to meditate” or “I can’t do it.” The purpose is not to stop your thoughts; it’s to become aware of them. You will do this by shifting your focus back to your breath over and over again, perhaps even hundreds of times in a single meditation.
You can write about feeling stuck. Create a list of what you have to be grateful for. Or reflect on an experience from the past. Try not to overthink it; write whatever is coming through to you. There is no wrong way to journal.
Some questions you may want to reflect on to get you started;
“What is my ego-mind trying to protect me from?”
“When did I first start forgetting about my power?”
“What is the next best step I should take in my healing journey?”
Turning off Electronics
Simply unplugging from your phone and other electronic devices can help you quiet down the noise and distractions of the outside world to connect with your world within.
Inner Child Work
Many people are unaware that most of their pain and trauma stems from childhood. This is why working with and healing your inner child is so transformational. Quantum physics has proven that time is not linear, which means that you have the power to heal the child within you now, thus changing your current situation in more ways than you can imagine.
Recognize Your Ego-Comfort Distractions
Where does your ego run to when your feeling uncomfortable? Snacks, exes, drama, Instagram? As soon as you recognize your comfort coping strategies, you can begin to bring your pain into your conscious mind by getting curious as to what’s fuelling the escape.
Get Support With Healing
Healing is the ultimate tool for taking ownership of your life and transforming it for the better. It’s essential to recognize when it’s time to reach out for additional support. We’re all in this together to support one another on our journey. You are never alone.
Whatever happened in the past is in the past. All that we have right now is this moment, and it is at this moment that you can choose to create a new path for yourself in the future. You are not a victim of your circumstances. You’re not a slave to your mind. You are the creator of your reality, and you can choose to live whatever life you desire to live.
Transform your life from the inside out and create a life you LOVE.
You are not bound by the things of this world—by the way you look, the choices you make, the moments you go through.
This life is fleeting, so we cannot be forever tied to these short slivers in time, and especially not to the days that buried us, to the brokenness that temporarily weighed down our hearts.
Pain is part of being human. Like breathing, like thinking we will face it inevitably, and as much as we try to build ourselves up, keep our chests beating strong and our heads held high, we will crumble from time to time. We will lose our spark. We will wander aimlessly through our days, struggling to find purpose, and passion, and patience.
But the pain that we experience will not last forever. Though it might cause chaos in our hearts, it will not make a permanent home.
The heartbreak, the loneliness, the bitterness, the exhaustion—those things are temporary, even when it feels like they are all we know. One day we will steady our breathing, find our footing and step forward again. One day the heaviness will lift and we’ll look up at the sky with a renewed sense of self. One day we won’t think of what we no longer have first, but be filled and encouraged by all that we possess, all that is within us.
One day that pain will be a mere memory—never a definition.
When we go through trying times, sometimes we wear our pain on our faces, in our bodies, in the way we carry ourselves. We become so surrounded, so caught up in the emptiness that we let it consume us. We forget who we are.
Sometimes we allow our pain to be the first thing people see when they look at us; we become owned by it, instead of our true identity.
But we must remember the truth about pain—it is not who we are. We are not the times we’ve fallen, the failures, the tough days. We are infinitely more.
We are laughter and jokes, embraces and connections, family and friendship and moments of celebration. We are human—imperfect, but still capable of extraordinary things. We are all the small moments of our lives complied together, all the ways we’ve grown, and shaped, and changed ourselves and our world.
We are not just the times we’ve lost our way, not just bodies aimlessly wandering around here on this earth. We are not lost causes, and our value is not determined by the weight of what we’ve gone through.
Who we are as people is not comprised of the negative pieces of our lives, but the positive. By the ways we’ve stood back up after being pushed down, risen after falling. By the way we’ve continued, and never given up.
Pain is a component of our humanness, sometimes even necessary to teach us, to build us, to help us become our true selves. But it is not the determining factor of our worthiness, not the one thing that we carry or label ourselves with.
We will lose our way, lose loved ones, lose our strength and spark from time to time, but we’ll never fully lose ourselves. We may be broken, but never destroyed. We may change, but never become unrecognizable. We may experience hard times, but never embody those moments.