There’s nothing better than rebuilding yourself and rebuilding your life no matter how old you are, no matter how long it took you to finally take that step because if there’s one battle that’s truly worth fighting, it’s this one. Rebuilding yourself after so many setbacks and downfalls. After too many failures and wrong turns. After too many years of being passive and complaining about your life without really doing anything about it.
There’s nothing better than deciding that you still have a say, you still have a choice, you still have a voice you can use to shift your life into another direction. It’s easy to stay stuck in the mental prison you’ve caged yourself in and it’s easier to blame the circumstances but no matter how impossible it seems to get out of that prison, there’s always a way out, there’s always a hidden path and sometimes the door is wide open in front of you but you’re just too afraid to get out because you don’t want to face any more disappointments. You don’t want to suffer again.
There’s nothing better than realizing that some things happen as clear signs from the universe that you need to do something. Sometimes God doesn’t answer your prayers in the way you asked for them but he shows you the way to them. He shows you that what you’re asking for is not out of reach but maybe you need to cross a few rivers or a few bridges or learn a few more lessons to get to them.
Sometimes he gives you all the tools you need instead so you can manifest your own prayers and sometimes he sends you clues and messages that tell you that he’s on your side. That the path you’re on is the right one for you. That this is exactly what you needed to learn after everything fell apart or after hitting rock bottom.
There’s nothing better than rebuilding yourself because it prepares you for all the challenges ahead. It prepares you for heartbreak and loss. It prepares you for all the moments that you would normally fear. It gives you independence, strength, resilience and freedom and somehow these tools help you survive anything in life. Knowing you can count on yourself, knowing that you can take care of yourself, knowing that you have the self-awareness to get yourself out of your darkness or your prison or your doubts. Knowing that at any moment you can choose to leave a situation or a person and you will be just fine.
There’s nothing better than rebuilding yourself because once you decide to do that, ironically, everything falls back together. Everything kind of redeems itself. Everything patches itself up again including your broken heart and your broken spirit.
Healing means confronting your own issues so you can fix them. We all have silent battles, those that we refuse to talk to others about or even admit them to ourselves. Maybe because we don’t want to face the reality that we are broken. Maybe you got hurt before and someone left you devastated. Maybe you feel insecure about yourself and the relationship that you’re in. Maybe you don’t see yourself worthy enough. Maybe you are pretending to be strong but the truth is you are struggling inside and you can’t find the strength to fix what’s been broken for a long time. Well, let me tell you this. You can never heal from your own wounds if you won’t acknowledge that you have issues to work on. Healing requires addressing what’s wrong to make things right.
Healing means accepting who you are — flaws and all. Stop beating yourself up for not being able to accomplish things at a certain point. Stop beating yourself up when things don’t go as you planned. Stop beating yourself up for not being perfect. You’re human. You make mistakes. You stumble. You’re human and you can never be perfect no matter how you try to be. You’re flawed, but who isn’t? You can never heal if you can’t accept who you really are. Healing requires self-love and self-acceptance.
Healing means being scared but doing it anyway. You might have been traumatized by a certain thing and it has made you box yourself because you think that way nobody could harm you. You found your safety in there. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you are healed. You have to let go of the fear that the past is going to repeat itself. Of course, you can never see what happens ahead. But learning how to deal with fear and being able to face it with a brave heart will eventually take you to a place of healing. Because healing requires you putting yourself out there even if it scares you.
Healing means letting go of pain. You might have your heart broken a million times and you find it hard to trust anyone or even let anyone in. You might have always found yourself giving too much, loving too much, and that people took advantage of your kind heart. But I am here to tell you, they all just played a part in your life to make you stronger and wiser. And their role is over. What happened in the past shouldn’t interfere with your future. Let go of what hurt you. Because if you keep holding on to the pain of your past, you are never going to be truly happy. You are never going to heal from what you won’t even let go of.
Healing means forgiving those who hurt you including yourself. You might have done stupid things when you were young, or you might even have resentment toward yourself, your friends, your parents, or even to your past relationships. But if you want to heal, you have to forgive those who wounded you. You have to forgive them not because they deserve it. But because you want to be healed and free yourself from people and things that once broke you. Forgive them and forgive yourself, too.
Healing means allowing yourself to love again.It means letting yourself trust again. It means allowing yourself to be vulnerable to others and believing that not everyone will hurt you. And if someone does, it only means you understand that life comes with challenges not to break you again, but to teach you lessons and make you an even stronger human being.
1. Do something every day that your future self will thank you for, even if it is small.
2. Do something every day that your past self would be impressed by, even if it feels easy now.
3. Start saying “thank you” for what you want as though it has already happened. Write it down, say it out loud. Even once is enough.
4. Learn the power of momentum. Start with small tasks in the day and let it build.
5. Make one tiny shift in the right direction. Drink one half glass of water. Walk around the block. Take one deep breath.
6. When you want to cry, cry. When you want to be angry, be angry. When you want to be sad, be sad. When you want to be happy, don’t ruin it. Processing in real time is how you avoid emotional issues in the future.
7. Find healthy, productive distractions.
8. Unfollow every single person who makes you feel bad about yourself.
9. See your discomfort as your subconscious way of telling yourself that you are capable of more, and better, than you have at this current moment.
10. Junk journal. Open up a notebook and scribble down exactly how you feel. Stop trying to invalidate them with positivity. “Emotions, once felt, tend to dissolve on their own.”
11. Let yourself dream. Imagine what you want to build and create next in your life.
12. Give yourself something to look forward to. Plan a trip, make a date, or take yourself out somewhere.
13. If there is something you need to change in your life, start today. Look for new jobs. Write a letter to someone you need to apologize to. If time is not resolving the matter, you must.
14. Do not believe everything that you think.
15. Do not trust everything that you feel.
16. Think back on everything you worried about that turned out to be nothing.
17. Think back on all those times you had strong, overwhelming feelings that you didn’t really understand. Sometimes, you just had to learn how to let them pass.
18. Do something each day that helps you get to know yourself better. Write down what you like and what you don’t. Identify your values, your beliefs, your hopes, your fears.
19. Spend time with people who you “click” with.
20. Do something for someone without asking for anything in return.
21. Disconnect from people who don’t add to your life. Don’t be afraid to disengage.
22. Read something that makes you think about the world differently.
23. Note what comes effortlessly to you, this is what you’re here to do.
24. Note what is interesting to you, this is what you’re here to learn about.
25. Note what you struggle with the most, this is what you’re here to master.
26. Learn to stand up for yourself in a productive way. Instead of slinging insults or being passive aggressive, learn to speak your truth with dignity and grace.
27. Recognize that whatever bothers you most about other people can reveal the unconscious truth about yourself. Use every discomfort as an opportunity to heal your own wounds.
28. Lean in deeply to that which brings you joy.
29. Go out of your way to make time for people who you really care about.
30. Create a vision board, either on paper or online. Map out what you want to create and what you want your life to look like.
31. Learn from people who you admire. Use their lives as a guide for what you want to do.
32. Learn from people you dislike. Use their lives as a blueprint for what you do not want to do.
33. When you feel the impulse to judge another person, remind yourself gently that every time you do so, you only continue to narrow your idea of what’s acceptable in life.
34. State what you are feeling, claim it and accept it, and take action in the face of it.
35. Interrogate one negative thought. Instead of running on autopilot, stop and ask yourself: Is this true? Do I know for a fact this is true?
36. Better yet, ask yourself this: Does this thought move my life in the direction I would like it to go?
37. If all you were able to do today was wake up and keep breathing, that’s okay. Give yourself permission to rest.
38. Make a to-do list then cut it in half. Then cut it in half again. You should be left with the one or two most imperative tasks. Focus on those and only those.
39. Meditate on how far you’ve come. Make a list of all the things you have, do and feel that you never imagined would be possible.
40. Meditate on how much you’ve overcome. Consider everything that happened in the past that you swore you’d never get over, and note that you always did.
41. Express genuine gratitude. Find something you are actually happy to have.
42. If feeling good is too far from where you’re at, make it your goal to feel neutral.
43. Sleep when you are tired. Eat when you are hungry.
44. Working until you’re at the point of exhaustion at which time you collapse and feel totally paralyzed is not “working hard,” it’s abusing yourself.
45. You’re allowed to be angry and upset. You are not allowed to take angry and upset actions that could impact your safety or quality of life for years to come.
46. Write yourself a note in which you outline exactly what to do when you have a panicky feeling. When you’re thinking clearly, tell yourself what to do when you’re not.
47. Remember that you’re mortal. All of this will pass. No time is guaranteed. You are not stuck forever. Life moves quickly and it does not stop. You are only here for a moment. Try to savor it as much as you can.
Healing your mind is not the same thing as healing your body. When you’re wounded, you often go through a progressive, linear repair. You get better, until one day, you are nearly back to where you were before.
Healing your mind is completely different, because you aren’t returning to what you were before. You are gutting yourself and becoming someone entirely new.
If that seems a little bit violent and harsh, it should. Healing is not a lovely ascension into comfort and wellness to be experienced once and forevermore. Healing yourself is the most uncomfortable, disruptive, important thing you will ever do.
Healing yourself is returning to your most natural state, which is hungry for personal freedom, irreverent to the suffocating opinions of others, creates without doubt, shows up without fear, and loves without stipulations and agreements and conditions. Who you truly are is at once the best version of yourself you might not have ever imagined, and the most essential version of yourself that you have always been.
And getting to that place? It requires a lot.
Healing requires you to take an honest inventory of your grudges and aggressions and the wells of longing and fear you’ve been ignoring all this time. It requires you to take stock of exactly, precisely what is wrong with your life, so you can work to make it right. It requires you to be completely honest about how you really feel, and then it requires you to actually feel it.
Healing requires you to feel the deep heartache lingering in you, instead of subconsciously re-creating the experience so you have an outlet to release it. Healing is no longer trying to sanitize your experience, to cleanse it until it is made perfect. Healing requires you to go through the full expression of every emotion that you cut off and buried when you decided you were no longer comfortable with it. Healing requires you to face every ounce of darkness within you, because just beneath what appears to be an impermeable barrier is complete, radical, total freedom. When you are no longer scared to feel anything, when you no longer resist any one part of your life, something magical happens: you find peace.
Let’s be clear: you are not going to suffer forever. This is not going to hurt for long. But to trick yourself into thinking that healing is just getting progressively better until you have unraveled all of your past experiences and can return to the version of yourself you were before you got hurt… well, that is to miss the point entirely.
We are meant to go through these periods of what some refer to as positive disintegration. It is when we must adapt our self-concept to become someone who can handle, if not thrive, in the situation that we are in.
This is healthy. This is normal. This is how we are supposed to respond.
But we cower, because it will be uncomfortable. It will not immediately give us the virtues of what we are taught is a worthwhile life: comfort and ease and the illusion that everything is just perfect on the surface.
Healing is not just what makes us feel better the fastest. It is building the right life, slowly, and over time. It is greeting ourselves at the reckoning, admitting where we’ve faltered. It is going back and resolving our mistakes, and going back within ourselves and resolving the anger and fear and small-mindedness that got us there in the first place.
Healing is refusing to tolerate the discomfort of change because you refuse to tolerate mediocrity for one second longer. The truth is that there is no way to escape discomfort, it finds us wherever we are. But we are either going to feel uneasy pushing past our self-imposed limits, breaking boundaries and becoming who we dream of being, or we’re going to feel it as we sit and mull over fears we fabricated to justify why we refuse to stand up and begin.
Healing is going to be hard at first. It is going to mean looking at yourself honestly, maybe for the first time ever. It is going to mean stepping out of your comfort zone so you can leap toward the person you want to be. It is not what makes you more comfortable and idle. It is what conditions you to be more motivated by discomfort than you are scared of it, and more inspired by your still moments than you use them to forge the chains of worry. Healing is going to change everything, but it has to start with you being willing to feel what you are afraid to feel.
Let’s be clear about something: becoming the best version of yourself is your natural inheritance. It is what you are born to do. Healing is just releasing the sickness that is the limiting beliefs and fears that are holding you back from doing exactly that.