Tag: Moving On

Sometimes What’s Left Unsaid Says It All

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Sometimes silence speaks louder than words. Sometimes your answer lies in everything that wasn’t said followed by everything that wasn’t done. Sometimes the words unsaid silence your doubts more than spoken words ever will. Sometimes people show you who they really are and what you mean to them by saying nothing at all. Sometimes their silence is the answer to your confusion and your burning questions.

And I know that we as human beings crave that communication, crave that expression and we want people to tell us how they feel and what we mean to them. We want people to tell us why they let us down or why they didn’t leave when our door was wide open. We want people to apologize or tell us where we went wrong or give us the closure we need and sometimes we just want them to listen to what we have to say. To listen to what got us there or why we left or why we couldn’t stay or why we said what we said but that’s not always the case in our modern era. An era that teaches people to sweep words and feelings under the rug, move on, pretend it never happened. We no longer give words their importance or give people their value.

But more often than not, what’s left unsaid says it all. The lies that are now exposed, the promises that are now broken, the stories they tell people about us, the secrets people reveal about them and suddenly you realize that you never really knew this person or maybe you only knew one version of them. Suddenly you find yourself at loss for words as well, unable to speak, unable to comprehend what happened, unable to shake off that you were manipulated by someone you trusted blindly. Suddenly, you wish you could take back every word you ever said simply because they didn’t deserve it.

But let me tell you something, maybe they didn’t deserve it, maybe your lips spoke the truth and their lips were full of lies and excuses. Maybe you opened up because you trusted them and maybe you chose to see the best in them when they chose to see the worst in you but whatever the case may be, please don’t forget that you are human too and that sometimes you follow your heart and say what’s on your mind. Sometimes the slightest touch or the right question or the right moment opens the floodgates to your emotions and your scars and it’s not your fault that you still believe in that kind of connection, in that kind of bond and in that kind of love. It’s not your fault that the people you meet aren’t on the same wavelength and it’s not your fault that they’re still not mature enough to fulfill your emotional needs.

And sometimes this is how it really ends, you don’t say a word and they don’t either. You make small talk because the big words are bitter. You smile but deep inside you’re full of disappointment. Someone once told me that the beginning seldom reveals a person’s true colors but the end tells you everything. How they treat you when they no longer want something or want you. How they choose to remain in your memories. Let that be your answer, let that be all you need to know because sometimes what’s left unsaid tells you more than a thousand words ever will.

A Step Forward From The Past

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I sit on a hill close to the shoreline, but far enough away to see the landscape in its entirety with the majestic snow capped peaks in the distance; to the right, the grandeur of the mountains is dichotomized by a congested bridge at rush hour. Watching the wind ripple through the grass, the blades of green whip in the breeze. The water ebbs and flows, grazing and lapping the rocky beach, before retreating back into the great expanse of the inlet.

The touch of the sunlight above kisses my skin and reminds me of the simple, beautiful things in life. Through the clouds, the sun illuminates through the darkness that washes over me on my lowest days. It reminds me that I am alive in this moment, that even the most difficult times will pass, even when the challenge seems insurmountable.

In the calmest moments, an inner voice tells me that this is what life is all about—it’s about living within each moment and facing the challenges that continue to push me to be better. Though it doesn’t necessarily guarantee happiness, I do know that it gives me the strength and encouragement to get through another day, another week, and another year.

I start from the beginning—the beginning of my story, what shaped me, what made me into the person I was told to be, not the person I was meant to become. Time encases a continuum of feelings and emotions, and with every moment, it passes by with more meaning and significance as I continue to learn and better myself. It comes with learning to be okay with my past and everything that once broke me. Still, it has taken me many years to put together my broken pieces—but this time, I know that they will stay together. I’m rebuilding, stronger than I was before. Nothing—and no one—can break me the way that my past did, like the way it truly shattered me to my core and destabilized my equilibrium.

I picked apart my ways of life like old, familiar circuits, and then rewired myself from within to be different. The roads I used to go down in my mind will now be the roads less taken as I lead myself down new and healthier pathways. I know that the roads may be tough, but I won’t feel as alone as I did before but rather more resilient and more courageous than ever before.

Through a different lens, I have learned to reframe what it means to deeply feel the happiness that is derived from being at peace with my circumstances. When I put aside the fact that there’s sometimes nothing I can do to change the course of my life, I realize that many of the struggles I battle within my mind are only against myself.

I continue to build a safe and secure home within myself, instead of remaining as a shell of an individual. Even if it means restarting on my own, I know that a fresh beginning is exactly what I need to feel like myself again—however that plays out, it is a step forward from the past.

Stop Thinking Quitting Is A Bad Thing

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You have to stop thinking of quitting as a bad thing. You aren’t built to stay in the same place forever.

If your relationship or your career or your friendships have stopped challenging you, stopped encouraging your growth, stopped bringing you happiness, then you should move onto bigger and better things.

You don’t have to continue down the same path you started forging years ago. You’re allowed to diverge at any point. You’re allowed to decide it’s time to do something differently.

You have to remember that quitting isn’t always a negative. It doesn’t mean you’re taking a step back. It might mean you’re taking a step forward — or a step sideways.

You shouldn’t resist change simply because you’re scared of what the unknown might bring. You shouldn’t assume the best move is to continue chugging ahead, even though you’ve been miserable, even though you cannot picture things getting any better if they keep going the way they’ve been going.

Quitting is not always a sign of failure. Sometimes, it’s your best option. Sometimes, it’s going to lead to the best results.

If you’re in a toxic relationship, you shouldn’t waste your energy fighting for their love. You should call it quits. You should stop trying to make things work. You should stop giving them a million chances. You should stop assuming it’s better to stay together than it is to split apart.

It’s the same with your career. If you’re in a line of work that is draining you, that is making you miserable, that isn’t giving you any sort of satisfaction, then you should think about quitting. You should think about taking your talents elsewhere. You should think about whether there is somewhere else you could land that would make you feel more productive, more fulfilled, more appreciated.

Stop thinking of quitting as a bad thing because sometimes you have to walk away from your current situation. Sometimes you have to start from scratch. Sometimes you have to take a step back and realize that you’re heading in the wrong direction and need to regroup.

Even though it’s easier to repeat the routines you’ve already grown used to repeating, you have to remember you’re allowed to leave at any time. You don’t owe anyone anything.

It’s dangerous to stay in an uncomfortable situation out of obligation. You aren’t required to stay in a relationship because of your history. You aren’t required to stay at a job because of the hours you already put into it. You aren’t required to give anyone your time, your energy, or your effort — and you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone.

You’re allowed to quit because you’re stressed about your current situation. You’re allowed to quit because you’ve grown bored. You’re allowed to quit because you believe another direction would grant you more peace and excitement and self-love. You’re allowed to quit if you want to quit.

You have to stop thinking of quitting as a bad thing. If it helps, call it moving on instead. 

I Know It Doesn’t Look Like It Right Now, But You Can Get Over Your Pain

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I know it doesn’t look like it right now but you can get through this. You can dig yourself out of this hole. One more time. 

I know it doesn’t look like it right now but you will be able to walk with a smile on your face every morning again without thinking about the pain you’re enduring or the weight you’re lifting or the burdens you’re carrying.

I know it doesn’t look like it right now but God is listening, somehow, somewhere, he sees what you’re going through and he is not going to leave you in this mess alone. He won’t leave you unattended. He will not let your prayers go unanswered when he’s your only hope.

I know it doesn’t look like it right now but someone out there is making their way to you to make your life a little bit easier or carry some of your burdens with you. Someone out there wants to be by your side so you don’t have to face it all alone. Someone out there wants to make up for all the things that you were deprived of and all the people you lost. Someone out there wants to make you happy.

I know it doesn’t look like it right now but whatever is hurting you will soon just be a bad memory. Whatever you think you can’t get over, whatever you think you can’t replace and whatever you think you can’t handle won’t be a constant in your life. Maybe it’s been the same cycle or the same pattern, maybe it isn’t getting any better but it’s all about to end soon.

I know it doesn’t look like it right now but the things that aren’t making sense to you are about to form a certain picture that you can see clearly when the time is right. The dots are about to connect so you can solve the riddle. The closure is coming to you. The lesson is being learned. You’re on your way to better and bigger things.

I know it doesn’t look like it right now but you can still fight. One more time. You’re so close. Don’t give up now. It’s always the last key in the chain that opens the door and it’s always the hardest few seconds in the race that makes you a winner. It’s right before the happy ending that everything goes wrong so you can try to make it right. So you can safely say the worst is over and it can only get better from here. I know you’ve said and done it all before. But I need you to say it and do it all over again. You’re almost there. So believe and prevail. One last time. 

Because the truth is we will all get our share of the good and the bad days. We will have our breakthroughs and our breakdowns. We will all get our twenty seconds of fame and glory and we will get our twenty seconds of misery and disappointment. We will all get our share of joy and sorrow but the trick is not to let our sorrow linger or let our joy delude us. The trick is to bounce back quicker than we fall and look forward to a brighter future instead of dwelling on a darker past. The trick is to keep believing that you’re stronger than your pain and you will surely, overcome it.

11 Signs You’re Healing Past Trauma You Didn’t Even Know You Had

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Trauma is sneaky in that it is subtle. It is so subtle, in fact, we can allow it to become normalized to the point that we forget it exists, until, of course, something triggers it and we are back at square one. Trauma is likewise not always what we think it might be — we’re all traumatized from a variety of experiences, ranging in intensity. These are a few of the signs that you’re beginning to process trauma that you didn’t even know you had.

1. You’re confused by your feelings.

It’s not just that you’re hyper-sensitive, it’s that you’re emotional in ways that just don’t quite make sense.

You might find yourself over or under-reacting to situations or world events. You might find yourself crying once an hour, or struggling to understand what you feel at all.

All of this is a symptom of a fundamental disconnect between you and your nervous system. In order to survive, you had to tune out your authentic feelings. Of course, this is unsustainable, so once you open yourself up to sensing them again, you’re met with an onslaught of confusion and out-of-place emotionality.

You need time to process.

Then, slowly, you need to reconnect with your ability to intuit your needs and wants.

2. You’re recalling memories you totally forgot about.

Memory suppression is another classic sign of trauma.

If you are suddenly remembering all of these experiences or instances you completely forgot about, chances are you were more traumatized by them than you think. You tuned them out in order to carry on, and now, you’re actually ready to unpack their significance in your life.

3. You’ve reached a peak of success or stability.

Though it seems counterintuitive, this is precisely the point at which most people begin emotionally unraveling.

This is simply because you are no longer just trying to survive. For a long time, your emotional health had to take a back seat while you struggled to find some stability. Now that you have it, those feelings are ready to be addressed so you can actually find fulfillment and growth.

4. You’re questioning your direction in life.

There’s a good chance that a lot of the decisions you made in your life were decided upon from a place of trauma.

You may very well look back and feel embarrassed or confused about why you dated someone, or posted something, or acted in one particular way or another.

Though you don’t need to guilt and shame yourself for your mistakes, this is actually a sign of growth. Recognizing that you behave differently today is actually a positive thing.

5. You’re experiencing an array of physical symptoms.

The tension in your shoulders and gut that you’ve had for as long as you can remember? It’s probably not unrelated to anxiety and trauma.

The same is true for a lot of “unexplainable” physical discomforts. Now, instead of just trying to treat the symptoms, you’re willing to address their causes.

6. You feel totally numbed out, or apathetic about other people’s suffering.

Ironically, many people who have suffered greatly can begin to feel apathetic about other people’s suffering simply because it’s too much of an emotional overload.

When this occurs, it’s not necessarily that you’re a bad person or that you’ve lost your empathy. It might just mean that you need to hold space for your own feelings, and process your own emotions, before you can offer the same to someone else.

7. You feel guilt or shame for no clear reason.

If the foundation of your self-worth is built on being overcorrected, judged, shamed and humiliated, you might still be carrying that around with you today.

If you feel guilty or embarrassed over innocuous things, or for no reason at all, it’s probably a past trauma that you’re still reacting to without realizing. You’re so scared of being made to feel that way again, you impose it on yourself so that nobody can hurt you first.

8. You feel as though your every move is being “watched,” judged, or evaluated by someone in a negative way.

This is another way that hypervigilance takes control of our lives.

Unable to recognize that we are no longer in danger, our bodies continue to respond as though a threat is imminent. This not only depletes our health and energy, it is the root of all traumatic experiences: an inability to discern that the event is over.

Practicing mindfulness and grounding techniques along with your other emotional processing work can be helpful for managing this.

9. You’re mentally foggy, and it’s hard to concentrate.

Yet again, your mind is overstimulated from trying to respond to too many things at once.

In this case, you have to remember that feelings aren’t always facts — they are valid experiences but don’t always say something accurate about who we are or what our future might be.

Similarly, the thoughts that we might get lost in are not always predictive or realistic. Sometimes, we are simply responding to out-of-control emotions and end up in a spiral that it’s hard to get out of.

10. You’re withdrawing from others.

While this isn’t sustainable long-term, sometimes, being alone is the healthiest thing we can do for ourselves.

When we remove ourselves from other people’s expectations and needs, we’re able to start responding to our own. We’re able to be more expressive about our emotions, and we’re also able to figure out who we are independent of who we imagine other people need us to be.

Being alone forever isn’t healthy, and connection is essential for us to thrive. But being alone for a while, and especially while you are healing, can be extremely powerful.

11. You’re questioning what you once thought to be true.

Your old belief system simply cannot carry you into this next phase of your life.

You’re ready to start pulling apart a lot of what you built as a response to your trauma, and as a way to survive.

You’re ready to build a new worldview that is more accurate, more realistic, and in which you are a capable and competent person capable of living a good life — no matter what is or isn’t in your past.