Prayers Archives - Elle Stoj & co

Dear God,

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for the times I ignored you. It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? I’m sorry for only talking to you when I need help. I am sorry I am not more grateful for your gifts. It seems all I can see is what I am lacking. I am sorry for not giving you thanks every day. Sure, some days are hard. Some days I feel like there is no light. But I have a roof over my head, a family that loves me, and food on my table. I’m so blessed, and I am sorry for not realizing that enough.

I’m sorry for the times I took matters into my own hands. I can be impatient at times. People always say that you have a plan, and I believe this. But sometimes I get impatient waiting for you to make the moves. I am sorry for having an expectation of you. I am starting to learn that you may not meet my expectations because you already plan to exceed them. I am sorry I get frustrated with you. It can be difficult for me to see you moving in my life. I am sorry for not trusting your timing more. I am sorry for chasing things that aren’t meant for me. I believe that you put things in our lives and take things out of our lives for a reason. I will try to trust your plan more.

God, I’m sorry for letting fear take up space in my mind. You tell me to have faith, and God, I am really trying. But sometimes it can get so hard. The world can be a sad place. I am sorry for letting anxiety keep me from serving you. I am sorry for doubting your existence at times. I am sorry for letting my fear of failure keep me from my purpose. People always talk about “their calling” and I feel like I’ve missed mine. Is it possible for someone to miss their calling? Have I missed mine? I am sorry if I have.

I am sorry for not being more kind. To myself and to others. I am sorry for judging people and holding grudges. They say you are merciful and forgiving, but what if I can’t forgive myself? What if I can’t move forward and love myself unconditionally like you do? Teach me. Teach me to see the world through a lens of love and a lens of compassion. Teach me to default to kindness rather than judgement. Plant a seed of empathy in my heart and let it grow to envelope everyone around me.

God, I am sorry for following people before you. I am sorry for comparing my path to that path of others. Social media can make it so hard to follow you first. Sure, the apostles were loyal to Jesus, but they didn’t have to follow him while Instagram was pummeling them with the highlight reels of other people’s lives. I am sorry I compare myself to others so much. I am sorry I let others rather than you determine my worth. You have given me an abundance of grace, and instead of letting it wash all over my life in cleansing, I have cast it aside and used other people as my measuring stick. I am sorry I have used your people for anything other than support and love.

Most of all God, I am sorry I ever doubted that I was loved. I am sorry that I doubted my purpose here. I am sorry that I failed to see that you have made me in your image. I promise I will do better. I will love your creation, which includes me. I will default to faith, rather than fear. I will pray more. I will open myself up to your will.

I will likely stumble many times as I try to do better. And I am sorry in advance for the amount of times you will have to help me up again. But I will try.

Love,

A human who is trying.

Dear God,

These past few years have been so difficult. You knew that I hit rock bottom. I barely survived as those raging storms seem so endless, sometimes I don’t even know whether it’s still going on. I know I shouldn’t complain like this, but I know that you are The Most Merciful and I know that you hear me.

Today, God, I’m tired.

I’m tired of faking my smile and pretending that I’m fine all the time. I’m tired of holding back my tears each day so no one will tell me to stop being weak. I’m tired of hiding all my insecurities and telling everyone that I’m strong enough to handle everything by myself. I’m tired of struggling on this battlefield which I don’t know how to win. I’m tired of facing those rejections and disappointments. I’m tired of having a heart which always needs mending.

So, God, please help me to go through this.

God, I’m scared of what will happen to me in the future. Will I survive this storm? Will I be content with what I have? Will I still be able to help other people? Will I ever be happy?

You’ve shown me how the real world works. You’ve shown me that this world is cruel. You’ve shown me how humans can be so greedy and ungrateful for your blessings. You’ve shown me how so many people are glorifying money and power and you’ve shown me they will do anything to get it.

You’ve shown me how the majority of society forgets that this life is too short to be lived as someone who is materialistic. You’ve shown me people who make artificial things their ultimate goal and I don’t want to be one of them. God, please make me one of the people whose ultimate goal is to be closer to you each day.

You know me better than I do. You know my deepest secrets, you hear my whispers, and you listen to my prayers even if I can’t say them out loud. You know the brokenness of my heart, the scars left by people, and the disappointments left by expectations.

You know what’s best for me and you have planned my life. I believe that you are the best of planners and if you ask me to wait, then it only means that there is more in store for me. Although sometimes it feels unbearable, I know that you will never abandon me, even on the days I have abandoned you.

So, when the time comes, I hope you’ll finally make me understand why you put me in hard situations. I hope you’ll make me find peace with what you decreed for me. I hope you’ll make me realize that those storms are one of the signs that you love me and you only want the best for me.

I hope you’ll always be near me whenever I have one of those days where I couldn’t carry on and my heart is so torn with anxiety. I hope you give me patience and an infinite belief that eventually, you’ll give me everything in the most mysterious yet beautiful way ever.

God, whatever you give to me in this world, I hope that you’ll always bless me with beautiful patience.

May I always believe in You, for indeed, in Your remembrance do hearts find true rest and tranquility.

Tag: Prayers

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