If we look for toxicity in general, we would get pages and pages of information on it. The insidious way of toxicity creeping into our lives is what we are all familiar with. But what about passive toxicity? The kind we face in the form of so-called concern, friendly glances, honest advice, and some people who claim to be our friends.
Toxicity isn’t something that you realize when it’s happening to you. It is a behavior that occurs in chains and keeps strangling you until you’ve lost yourself. Often we have people in our lives that are very close to us and we share a close bond with them. There is always emotional investment involved on one side. Some people act very diligently, honestly, and supportively, but what lies behind that charming exterior is jealousy and a self-centered interior. We have all had “friends” who we relied on at some point in time with our whole heart, but instead of getting the love and support that we craved, we only got feelings of self-loathe, depression, and tons of insecurities.
In this journey of life, we have encountered different souls. They say the ones you vibe with are the ones you’ve had a connection with in the past life. Strangely, no one acknowledges the fact that we at times get wronged by many masked ones in order to find our ultimate angels that are our true soul connections. When we have a toxic person in our life, our life seems so very complicated. We feel like we’re constantly striving for solutions to the problems created by our minds. There is a fear of rejection, a sense of not being “up to the mark” and simultaneous stress at the back of our heads. This vicious cycle is what makes us confined to a bubble of sadness, sudden moments of happiness, and never-ending insecurities. Now, if we are so webbed into all the harmful things, why don’t we realize it? Is it because those toxic ones have made us feel validated only when with them? Is it because we are too emotionally invested in this toxic relationship? Or is it because we are blinded by the charm of those strangling us?
In most cases, we realize the damage has been done by the time we are too afraid to leave. We have been tricked into the thought process that the other person is emotionally dependent on us and we are the only person there for the toxic one. You feel a pang of sudden guilt at even the slightest thought of cutting them off or creating a distance for your own good. It isn’t because we are too pure-hearted or pious, but because we are tricked into being slaves of mind games and meaningless friendships. The ones in which you are always on the giving end than too toxically happily. This toxic chain is a comfort blanket that is actually sucking our blood underneath, but we take a lot of time to break out of it.
The most important thing here is that we take too long to know that enough is enough. The mere realization of toxicity and its patterns is what takes long. Long enough to drain us. There comes a time when we get so frustrated with ourselves thinking about what’s “wrong in us” that we start introspecting and end up realizing the actual cause. It is our long-gone self-respect that comes to the surface with our will to connect the dots. As we get done with joining the unfortunate events and witnessing how insecure we have become, we urge to break free. It is at this point that we forget all the so-called boundaries and the fear of the unknown. It is at this point when we let the guilt in but only to set us unapologetically free.