You Have To Remind Yourself That You’re An Individual

You are an individual.

Do they spit lies?

You are told that you’re an individual when in reality everything around you and inside you screams of other people’s expectations and desires.

The minute we are born, parents subconsciously attach their happiness to us. They pick up outfits for us since we’re too young to even know what to wear or how to socialize. They raise us and teach us to adapt to the society, norms and culture that surrounds us. We give in. That’s how it is.

We are born with genes that determine a lot about our physical and sometimes even behavioural characteristics. What’s so original about being born out of centuries of handed-down genes? It’s not like I’m one of a kind, mutated human like the X-men. Even being a mutant comes with a lot of pressure for societal conformity. So I’m rather comfortable being a human, but sometimes I start to wonder: Does that spark of individuality truly exist within all of us, or is everything just a manifestation and effect of things around us.

After all that conditioning, what is actually left of us? Are we truly as individualistic as we like to think we are?

Go to college. Get a degree. Look for a job. Find your soul mate. Get married.

These are all meaningful steps in our lives, but it’s frightening how much of other’s aspirations are invested in us. Our lives are already engineered in advance by society; we are already working our way to that degree or that entry-level job. That’s how life works. It isn’t necessarily a dreary and wearisome journey; in fact it could be rather enjoyable depending on circumstances and personal preferences.

Many of us are studying for degrees not because it’s what we truly want, but merely because there might be a slight chance that our resume will stand out more in the near future when we are hunting jobs. A good handful of us are pursuing a job or degree we don’t want, primarily because it puts food on the table or because our parents might experience that joyous moment when we graduate with a post-graduate degree. We are not as separate as we think we are, our goals and professions are at times attached to other people and their well-being, joy or expectations.

But you know what?

There are rare occasions where we have the ability to tune into our individual being and soul. Some find it through meditation, music or joy in pursuing a hobby no one else knows about.

Others find it in that tiny moment where you’re standing in a crowd of friends and a single thought in your mind knocks down every argument they have to present in the ongoing debate about politics, culture or the economy.

Children who are too young to be aware of morals and consequences stand stubborn as stone against their well-informed parents about something they believe in. That is individuality.

Being put in social conditions and realizing what you feel or think stands apart from any expectation, conditioning or external factor. Experiencing a short moment of self-realization where what you think or feel holds more value than any economic, social or moral standard is being an individual. These tiny moments build up inside us every single day and help morph us into the person we are today or will be tomorrow.

It’s these glimpses within ourselves that allow us to realize we are alone and have the ability to retain our own mind and soul despite everything that is around us.

You Owe It To Yourself To Know What You Deserve

“Know your worth” — a statement that has almost turned into a catchphrase. It is such an easy phrase to throw around, but do we really know what it means or is it just a camouflage for all our insecurities?

You can read all the inspirational quotes, sing all the lyrics, and read all the books, but until you can tell the person who’s giving you less than what makes you happy to fuck off, you don’t even have a clue what you’re worth.

If you find yourself unable to do this, you need to take a good look at your inner self and figure out what you deserve. There is a hard difference between saying you know your worth, believing you’re worthy, and owning your worth. Until you can back the threats you make, you still have doubts. You still don’t believe you’re good enough for what you want. You still don’t think you deserve better than being mistreated and disrespected. Until you stop settling and clinging to bread crumbs to feel fed, you aren’t going to get what you want. Until you can stand up for yourself and own who you are, what you want, and what you need. You’re going to keep selling yourself short. Until you stop asking and waiting around for people to see your worth, you won’t be happy.

If you keep clinging to the person who has repeatedly let you down and failed to meet the bar of your standards, you’re going to keep simmering in the stew of frustration you’ve created. You’re going to keep clinging to every crumb of potential because you’re starving for gratification — a payout for your emotional investment.

You owe it to yourself to stop giving a shit what the outside world thinks you deserve; you owe it to yourself to harness every ounce of power you have to walk away from people who make you question and doubt what you deserve. You need to get to the point where you are so damn confident in who you are and what you want that anyone who doesn’t match that repulses you. You need to love yourself so much that others’ opinions don’t even shake you. You owe it to yourself to believe you deserve better, so don’t settle until someone comes along and matches your standards and expectations.

You aren’t asking too much; you’re asking the wrong person.

Read This If You Ever Feel Like You’re ‘Too Much’

I hope you never know what it feels like to be told that you’re too much:

too clingy,

too needy,

too intense.

I genuinely hope you never have to experience the devastating ache of being told that you care too much or that you’re too passionate about the things you love.

I hope the day never comes that the world suddenly make you ashamed of being who you are.

I hope you don’t start believing them.

You should never have to be ashamed of being clingy or showing the people you love that you care or that you miss them. If they find that annoying, cut them out of your life. You honestly don’t need people in your life who would make you feel bad about having such a kind and genuine heart. Showing someone you care is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of strength.

If you took that aspect away from you, you would be taking away the most unique and beautiful thing about you. You are one of those people willing to go beyond this universe if it meant making the person that you loved happy. You love people with so much intensity and passion that not everybody deserves to know you.

You deserve someone who finds it attractive to have someone in their life who cares about everything and everyone with everything that they have got.

You deserve people in your life that are willing to meet you halfway through everything.

You deserve people who aren’t the cause of cutting your own wings, but rather making it possible for you to fly.

You aren’t responsible for being “too much” for anyone in this world.

You’re just too beautiful and extraordinary for your own kind to be ever understood by people like them.

Be yourself, darling, and continue to fly. 

Sometimes You Have To Heal Without Closure

Sometimes the person you would have done anything for will walk away without a word. Sometimes you will get ghosted by your almost relationship when you thought everything was going well. Sometimes you will be broken up with in cliches (it’s not you it’s me or we’re better off as friends) and won’t be given any real explanation about why it happened.

Sometimes you will be confused about why you are alone again. Sometimes you won’t be able to figure out what you did wrong. Sometimes you will stay up late, trying to pinpoint the exact moment when the other person decided you were no longer enough.

Sometimes you will do whatever it takes to get closure. Sometimes you will stalk the other person’s social media, looking for hints about why they left. Sometimes you will send texts that go unanswered. Sometimes you will ask questions that are dodged. Sometimes you will feel completely lost, because you have no idea why your heart was trampled on.

Sometimes you will pick yourself apart, trying to decide which one of your flaws convinced them to bail. Sometimes you will over analyze all of the insignificant things you have said and done in the past. Sometimes you will start hating yourself, because it’s easier than hating them.

Sometimes you won’t get the answers your need. Sometimes you won’t get the closure you need.

Sometimes you will need to start your healing process, even though you feel like you are not ready. Even though there are still so many things you are unsure about.

Sometimes you will have to find a way to silence the voice in your head that keeps replaying past moments over and over again. Sometimes you will have to accept the fact that you will never know the real reason why they left you behind.

Sometimes your ex isn’t going to sit you down and have an emotional talk with you about why they can’t stay for any longer. Sometimes they aren’t going to care about how much leaving without a word will screw with you. Sometimes they will cause you trust issues and abandonment issues without feeling guilty about it. Sometimes they will cut you out of their world to avoid confrontation. Sometimes they will only care about themselves.

Sometimes you have to stop looking for answers. Sometimes you end up hurting yourself more by clinging onto your questions. Sometimes you have to stop wondering where it all went wrong with your ex, because they are in your past and that is where they belong. That is where they are going to stay.

Sometimes you will have to move on from your last love, even when it feels like that is impossible. Sometimes you will have to accept that you were betrayed by someone you never expected to hurt you. Sometimes acceptance is the biggest gift you can give yourself.

Sometimes you aren’t lucky enough to get closure. Sometimes you are going to have to push through the pain, even though your loudest questions remained unanswered.

Stop Putting A Timeline On Life, Let Faith Guide The Way

What could I possibly know about love? What could I possibly know about life? Who am I to give any sort of advice when I still have an entire life of my own to live, mistakes to make, and lessons to learn?

We all have our own story; our own journey in finding love, happiness, and purpose in life. We all have a reason behind our “why” and how we envision our personal stories to unfold. But we all have one thing in common, without even realizing it, we put a timeline on everything. We put a timeline on finding love, finding our forever person. We put a timeline on finding true happiness and contentment. We put a timeline on grief and becoming a better human. We put a timeline on life, and we don’t even realize it. 

So, what could I possibly know about love? What could I possibly know about life? Who am I to give any sort of advice when I still have an entire life of my own to live, mistakes to make, and lessons to learn?

I know that love is overwhelming, exciting, and empowering. But, I also know that love can be confusing, challenging, and even painful or temporary. What I do know about love is that it can be learned from and shared with a million different things in this world; people, places, and passions, none of which have an expiration date. What I do know about love is although immense, it can be taken away from us so unexpectedly.

We know this, yet time after time we continue to put a timeline on love without having a little faith. We continue to put ourselves in a position to hurt and break in ways that could easily be healed if we opened our hearts to let faith guide the way.

Sometimes it’s the realization that two people who care so deeply for one another can somehow manage to be on two completely different paths in life. Sometimes it’s the end of an “almost-relationship”. Sometimes it’s something as simple as not being ready, and sometimes it’s the temporary love that hurts the most. But what we fail to realize every time our heart aches is that every love, whether temporary or forever, allows us to grow as a human in extraordinary ways. That in the end, we will be just fine. Because maybe, just maybe, God has a bigger plan for us; that each heartbreak or failure is something as simple as a stepping stone to becoming a better version of ourselves. Because maybe, just maybe, God knows of our personal timelines and monumental milestones, far better than we do ourselves. 

The same goes for life; we put timelines on milestones and beat ourselves up for not meeting our personal deadlines. If there is anything I have learned in my twenty-something years, it’s that nothing in life is promised. That’s what’s so tricky about it and probably why the majority of us always over-analyze and overthink everything we do; ultimately driving us to question everything that crosses our path.

What does this mean? Why is this happening? Why me? Why not me? What’s next?

It’s scary, not having a concrete road map of life to follow. But isn’t that what makes it so exciting? Isn’t that what makes life so much more worth living?

Think about it. Sit down and really, truly think about it.

We were brought into this world, not to hyper focus on one person or thing, but to live out a passionate and unbroken life; to re-write society’s norms and create a captivating story, one that God has given us the opportunity to make our own, unashamedly and unapologetically. To see the world, to share our stories with people who are hurting, to make a difference, to open our hearts to wanting more. The reality is, everything that happens in love and life happens unexpectedly. So, why do we keep putting timelines on either one? Because maybe, just maybe, God has a bigger plan for us; that when we feel lost or alone, it’s because through faith and time we learn our way around it. We learn to embrace every opportunity to share the love in our heart and our personal stories with the world around us. 

Because maybe, just maybe, having a little faith will guide us towards the milestones that are destined to be ours. Maybe, just maybe, having a little faith will ultimately be our saving grace, allowing us to find our way.

Stop Looking For A Sign, The Things That Are Meant For You Should Be Self-Evident

I know that it feels like you need to trace patterns in the stars and read lines in your hands and search the universe in pursuit of a sign, a confirmation, a validation that you are on the right path, with the right person, finally, after all this time, doing the right thing.

I know what that impulse is, because it is true that when something is right for us, circumstances tend to align and encircle it. Serendipity is real. But the cold truth is that when we are most hungry for a sign, it is because our conviction is lacking. We are hoping that something else, something far beyond us, can help us avoid what we most fear is true.

Your brain is wired to affirm what you already believe, it’s something called confirmation bias. If you want to believe you’re meant to be with someone, you will filter through all the stimuli around you to make it true.

That is how powerful you are. You can make it true.

But you can’t make a future true for someone else. You can’t always predict and choose and manifest when it doesn’t only involve you.

So you don’t need a sign. You don’t need affirmation. When you are with the right person and on the right path, it will be obvious, because it will be the person you are with and the work you are already doing. It’s not so mysterious as we want it to be. Our fates are not encrypted in the stars, in our hands, or even our hearts. It is what is unfolding in front of us. That is what is meant to be. It is what is most effortless. It is the person who shows up and keeps showing up. It is the work that comes to us and flows from us.

You do not have to think about whether or not something is “meant to be” if it really is. It is self-evident. It is what’s already happening.

What do we expect to happen when we do piece together those signs, those signals, those all-knowing nods from the world around us that we have the very specific future we want? What do we do when we have that confirmation?

We do nothing. We keep searching. We get hungrier.

Because even if every star were to align in front of our eyes, if something isn’t happening, if someone isn’t choosing us, if a job isn’t working out, it isn’t working out. It isn’t meant to be, because it isn’t happening. That’s when you start to teeter into delusion: when your conviction about something is more about the logical and emotional reasons why, one day, it should work out, as opposed to why it is happening, right here and right now.

I know that this is hard to hear. I know what it is like to be the person who leaves claw marks in everything they lose. I know it gives you a sinking feeling, but you need to let go and hit bottom. Because you need to be gutted. You need to grieve. And then you need to rise.

In life, we can choose the what, but not always the how. If we want soulmate love, we can have it. But it won’t always be with the first person we think it will. If we want to have the career of our dreams, we can have it, but it won’t always be in the first field we assume.

When you get too stuck to the how, when you get too stuck to one person or one opportunity or one city or one thing, you are assuming that it is the only thruway for you to experience what you want out of life. And that’s simply untrue. Because love comes from you and passion does, too. Your talents are in your head and your commitment is in your hands and heart. You are meant to savor every ounce, every drop of life you crave. And the dead ends, the road blocks? They are telling you that this isn’t the way to it.

So please, remember this. If you get to the point where you have to ask everyone around you: “do you think this is meant to be?” If you are looking to your natal charts and future plans, to signs and signals and coincidences you piece together to build a road map to the future, you must stop. You must stop because that map is to nowhere. What is meant for you will show up for you, right here and right now.

Your Life Becomes The Sum Of What You Tolerate

In an ideal world, life would amount to the sum of our intentions.

Good things would happen to good people; we’d be measured by our heart and depth and character.

While this is true to some degree — life is undoubtedly kinder toward those who are kind to it — the truth is that your intentions don’t amount to your outcomes. Just wanting something badly enough does not qualify you to have it, simply believing that you’re capable of more does not mean you will actually achieve more.

In the end, your life amounts to the sum of what you tolerate.

It is defined by what you allow. 

You are treated as well as you allow other people to treat you. When you set boundaries or cut off contact with those who do not meet those expectations, you are setting the standard for relationships in your life.

You achieve as much as you allow yourself to pursue. You create as often as you are willing to show up, and to begin.

You grow as much as you allow yourself to feel uncomfortable. We often think that it is discomfort that holds us back from becoming who we want to be, when in fact, that feeling, once truly acknowledged, will point us in the direction that we need to create change.

If you are willing to tolerate mistreatment, you will be mistreated.

If you are willing to tolerate unhappiness, you will remain unhappy.

If you are willing to tolerate dissatisfaction, you will remain dissatisfied.

Your life only truly becomes your own on the day that you decide you will not — for another second of your existence — tolerate less than you know you are capable of having, doing less than you are capable of doing, and being less than you are capable of being.

The truth is that nobody else is going to give this to you.

Nobody is going to wake you up to this fact.

Nobody is going to sit you down and give you a power point presentation about your worth and potential, and nobody is going to strategize a way to make it a reality.

The only way it is going to happen is if you decide you are no longer going to be okay with excuses, empty words or broken dreams. It is only going to happen if you decide that you will no longer tolerate anything less than the outcomes you want, and the life you dream of.

Your life becomes the sum of what you tolerate, so stop tolerating less than you desire.

Stop Putting A Timeline On Life, Let Faith Guide The Way

What could I possibly know about love? What could I possibly know about life? Who am I to give any sort of advice when I still have an entire life of my own to live, mistakes to make, and lessons to learn?

We all have our own story; our own journey in finding love, happiness, and purpose in life. We all have a reason behind our “why” and how we envision our personal stories to unfold. But we all have one thing in common, without even realizing it, we put a timeline on everything. We put a timeline on finding love, finding our forever person. We put a timeline on finding true happiness and contentment. We put a timeline on grief and becoming a better human. We put a timeline on life, and we don’t even realize it.

So, what could I possibly know about love? What could I possibly know about life? Who am I to give any sort of advice when I still have an entire life of my own to live, mistakes to make, and lessons to learn?

I know that love is overwhelming, exciting, and empowering. But, I also know that love can be confusing, challenging, and even painful or temporary. What I do know about love is that it can be learned from and shared with a million different things in this world; people, places, and passions, none of which have an expiration date. What I do know about love is although immense, it can be taken away from us so unexpectedly.

We know this, yet time after time we continue to put a timeline on love without having a little faith. We continue to put ourselves in a position to hurt and break in ways that could easily be healed if we opened our hearts to let faith guide the way.

Sometimes it’s the realization that two people who care so deeply for one another can somehow manage to be on two completely different paths in life. Sometimes it’s the end of an “almost-relationship”. Sometimes it’s something as simple as not being ready, and sometimes it’s the temporary love that hurts the most. But what we fail to realize every time our heart aches is that every love, whether temporary or forever, allows us to grow as a human in extraordinary ways. That in the end, we will be just fine. Because maybe, just maybe, God has a bigger plan for us; that each heartbreak or failure is something as simple as a stepping stone to becoming a better version of ourselves. Because maybe, just maybe, God knows of our personal timelines and monumental milestones, far better than we do ourselves. 

The same goes for life; we put timelines on milestones and beat ourselves up for not meeting our personal deadlines. If there is anything I have learned in my twenty-something years, it’s that nothing in life is promised. That’s what’s so tricky about it and probably why the majority of us always over-analyze and overthink everything we do; ultimately driving us to question everything that crosses our path.

What does this mean? Why is this happening? Why me? Why not me? What’s next?

It’s scary, not having a concrete roadmap of life to follow. But isn’t that what makes it so exciting? Isn’t that what makes life so much more worth living?

Think about it. Sit down and really, truly think about it.

We were brought into this world, not to hyper focus on one person or thing, but to live out a passionate and unbroken life; to re-write society’s norms and create a captivating story, one that God has given us the opportunity to make our own, unashamedly and unapologetically. To see the world, to share our stories with people who are hurting, to make a difference, to open our hearts to wanting more. The reality is, everything that happens in love and life happens unexpectedly. So, why do we keep putting timelines on either one? Because maybe, just maybe, God has a bigger plan for us; that when we feel lost or alone, it’s because through faith and time we learn our way around it. We learn to embrace every opportunity to share the love in our heart and our personal stories with the world around us. 

Because maybe, just maybe, having a little faith will guide us towards the milestones that are destined to be ours. Maybe, just maybe, having a little faith will ultimately be our saving grace, allowing us to find our way.

I Hope You Know That You Are Doing Better Than You Think You Are

Even if you don’t see it, you are doing better than you give yourself credit for. Even if you have no idea what’s going on or where you’re supposed to be, you are doing better than you think you are. Even if you don’t feel it, peace surrounds you.

You are not failing if you are trying your best. You are not failing if the results you want aren’t showing right now. Even if decisions you make now affect you later negatively, in the end it will be okay anyway. Choose your truth over fear. Choose to step out on your own, knowing that whenever you need support, someone will be there. Choose to choose yourself over anyone else.

What is best for you will find you. What is meant to be will come to be. Life is a rhythm of highs and lows and in-betweens, but it is all apart of your story. It all matters. Because even if something isn’t meant to happen, redemption and healing can always happen. Mistakes can always be forgiven. Freedom can always be found.

You are free to be whoever you dream to be. You are deeply loved through it all. At the end of the day what matters most is how we make other people feel, how we impact them, how we make their life a little bit brighter every moment we have with them. Money matters, but not the most. Pleasure matters, but not the most. Connection matters. Memories matter. Laughter matters. You matter.

20 Things Everyone Deserves In Life

1. You deserve to prioritize your needs and put yourself first.

2. You deserve to walk away from people and relationships that no longer serve or benefit you.

3. You deserve to know what it’s like to love and be loved.

4. You deserve the right to remain kind in a world that’s cruel and toxic.

5. You deserve to remain resilient despite your vulnerabilities.

6. You deserve a relationship that is built upon the foundation of communication, honesty, reassurance, and trust.

7. You deserve to openly express your feelings and state your needs without the fear of being prematurely judged.

8. You deserve a friendship that is nourished through time and strengthened by experience.

9. You deserve to have days where you openly admit to yourself that you are not feeling okay.

10. You deserve to have someone that fears the thought of losing someone as valuable and precious as you.

11. You deserve to live unapologetically and with minimal regrets.

12. You deserve to have the opportunity to correct your mistakes when you’re in the wrong.

13. You deserve to be supported by a group of individuals who want to see you flourish and succeed.

14. You deserve the opportunity to be able to attain the goals you so eagerly set out for yourself.

15. You deserve the ability to constantly nurture your dreams, no matter how big they may seem.

16. You deserve to have faith in situations where all hope seems to be lost.

17. You deserve to appreciate the beauty of others without diminishing your own.

18. You deserve good morning texts, midday surprises, and late night phone calls.

19. You deserve to take a step back and just appreciate everything for what it’s worth.

20. You deserve a purpose that constantly excites, replenishes, and challenges you.