Some days, you will find me a complete train wreck. I am not well dressed. I am not doing my skincare routine. I am not eating healthy, and my place is not tidy. So during a time like this, you will find me waking up late, looking like I am all over the place, and not getting any work done—my state of mind is not the best. I am not focused or funny or creative or social or charming. I basically become my worst self, but the thing is, I am not ashamed of who I am during this time because every single time I get stuck being like this for a while, and every time I get myself stuck in a rut, I always manage to get myself out of it, and for that, I will always be proud of myself.
I have come to accept these days and to try not to beat myself up when I have them. I have to accept that I will be a complete utter mess every now and then, and that’s okay. Maybe I don’t like who I am during a time like this because I am not in control, I don’t have my day planned, and I am not doing anything useful, but my mental state needs exactly that. It doesn’t need schedules or a planned day or healthy food or a tidy place or me wearing full makeup or spending time caring about what to wear, but it needs to be in a state of just being. I know people might find this lifestyle not healthy or good, but I have come to see it as a necessity.
I fall into a lifestyle like this every now and then, and every time I feel so bad during it because I don’t like how I look or how I live. I binge eat and I binge watch Netflix. I cancel outings and plans. I cocoon and isolate myself and keep doing extremely unproductive activities. I don’t work out or pay attention to what I am eating or doing, but now I have learned to accept times like these in my life more. I have learned that just like I am proud of myself when I feel like I have my life together, I should accept and make my peace as well with the days I feel like I don’t have anything in my life together.
These days are my break from the other days I do so well on, and I have decided to give myself this time every now and then without feeling ashamed or guilty for having it. Because the more I think about it, the more I feel like this time is my own self telling me that it needs a break and that it needs exactly that — to just not care for a few days and to just take a step back in order to be able to get back to my normal life pattern.
Having days like these is not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s actually part of what makes your life feel more balanced. It’s like a reset button that you need to press every now and then. So allow yourself to have this phase, even if you’re not used to the idea of being unproductive or not having your life together. Learn to just let it be this way for some time in order for you to be able to get back to your normal lifestyle. Accept the fact that you will fall behind in life for a little while sometimes and then get back to picking yourself up. Accept the idea of being a mess or not having everything in order. Let yourself get that break without feeling like freaking out because your life is not how it normally is. Learn to accept some messiness and some setbacks in order to be able to get right back on track.